She needs time?

[savagegerbil1607306442]

I recently posted this article if anyone needs a background on my situation.

 

 

Can anyone enlighten me on what this means? She is now saying she needs time for herself, which took me forever to get out of her. I asked her where these feelings came from and all I got was resistance. I am trying to understand but I think this is all of a sudden

[john one]

Here's my 2 cents.

 

It seems to me that this girl still has a lot of growing up to do in terms of her own self-development. She was put, or put herself in a situation where she was forced to put herself on hold, due to becoming a mother in a "family". The love of my life is trying to find herself now too after being with me for 7 years since she was 17 years old. It sucks, let me tell you, but I guess times have changed and women no longer are content with settling down so soon and living/playing the old wife role without having had their share of wild times, mistakes learned from, places seen, etc. like most guys have. It seems that many women find themselves trying to fit the old model of how women should be and settle down with a man, but often they find it was too soon or they made a mistake. If that's the case, it's understandable that they would be reluctant to make the same mistake twice, especially so soon. It's hard for us guys to imagine because we work differently, we just do it and when it fails, we do something else. My mom's theory is that the women of today are at battle with themselves. They are trying to break free from the old idea of what a woman should be (which she says was branded into the souls of women since history began), but at the same time, they are afraid of being disliked or hated for it.

 

If all this is true, now what do we do? I've tried everything, believe me -pity, reason, force, guilt, displays of the level of my love, fear, etc., etc. This was all in the past and I was learning from it. Most of the things I tried worked in the sense that my girl stayed with me for a while longer, but now I realize that they definitely did not cure the problem. They only made things harder in the end. What does this leave me/us? The only thing left to do is to let her find her path. It's the hardest thing to do, but the only thing left to do in many cases. This may not be what we wanted, but I realize now that it really is a forced oppurtunity to grow for us too (the guys). We will find ourselves, IF we do what we've got to do, and that is -focus on kicking butt in all areas of our life besides love (career, education, health/working out, sports, travel, reading/learning, etc., etc.). To become strong and independent men who will in the end be much more attractive to any woman, even the one we long for. My goal is to get to a point where I will be cool with the fact that the love of my life prefers a life without me, and also be cool with it if she changes her mind. It's not going to be easy, but that is the goal. In my opinion, that's what a real man is -a person who can look themselves in the mirror, knowing they either put themselves in or fell in a difficult situation, and say honestly to themselves "I'll do the best I can, I'll accept the results, and I'll move on -I'm cool with it". I KNOW this is much easier said than done, but trying to think this way is a much better option to drowning in self-pity, negative thoughts, and stunted growth.

 

Again, just my 2 cents.

 

Good luck for the both of us...

[juno]

kick ass answer John one.

[pennywise1]

Ditto that. Some great points there. Going through the situation myself. Its SO hard. But it is the only healthy way to continue with life.

[delage]

Man, write a book. You wrote the script I've been playing and the one I must follow. It's tough out there if you're not tough inside.