Fiance's Past Relationship and Facebook / Should I be Worried?

[soporcogitavi]

Just wanted an opinion on this, ill try to explain it briefly.

 

A while back I noticed through the internet history, that my fiancé had checked the profile of a guy she is friends with. She checked about 4 times in just over a week. This guy is someone she had a ONS with and saw him another time after. He had posted pictures she checked them out, then the next day she went back to his profile. 3 days later she checked some pics that a girl he became friends with posted and 2 days later she checked out the profile of another girl he became friends with. I noticed she has checked his profile out before, checked out girls he had become friends with, I don’t know the frequency though.

 

I spoke to her about this a few times, she told me she does not want to be with him, she does not have feelings for him, she did not want a relationship with him, and that its just facebook and she’s just nosy and curious, and sometimes girls like to compare themselves to other girls. It bothered me so much that I finally asked her if she could delete him, she said no problem, she will never see him again and she deleted him right away.

 

The funny thing is that after she deleted him, I noticed a few days later she actually checked out the profile of this guys friend who she is also friends with on facebook, and still is friends with him. I don’t think she checks his friends profile out often, but I do know she checks it from time to time (lets say once a week or once every 10 days). I know there are pics of this guy on there. Does anyone find this behavior odd?

 

I know she thought he was hot (and so did her friends), and the encounter/s ended because he moved back to his home state, and apparently they had different interests/hobbies, but according to her he was also the most interesting of the guys she hooked up with before me. He invited her to come visit and she declined, and I know they chatted online even after he left. I just don’t know how it’s possible she had no interest in him or any feelings towards him, I know that after the first time she hooked up with him, she actually contacted him to see him again. So I’m wondering if she has regrets of not having something with him or going to see him, or has feelings for him.

 

I know she has had no contact with him since, no calls or messaging. I just find it weird, like some weird obsession. Sometimes I wonder if she’s as attracted to me as she was to him. Im a good looking guy, its just a feeling that I have. I don’t want to be the second choice. She claims she didn’t even know him, and it was convenient for her that he didn’t live close, and that before she met me she didn’t want a relationship with anyone.

 

What’s the deal? She met this guys twice in November 2009, had a ONS with him over 1.5 years ago, and we’re getting married soon. If she didn’t delete him when would the checking stop? When would she find it no longer necessary to compare herself to girls that are becoming facebook friends with a guy she had ONS with? I know women typically compare themselves to their competition, but she’s not with him. I just find this unhealthy, and I don’t understand the point of her checking these things if she doesn’t care about him.

[MissSMcc]

what i find worrying is the fact you are checking her internet history, and keeping tabs on what she is viewing and how often. if you don't trust her, you shouldn't be marrying her.

[soporcogitavi]

what i find worrying is the fact you are checking her internet history, and keeping tabs on what she is viewing and how often. if you don't trust her, you shouldn't be marrying her.

 

I understand your view, but you dont know the full details as to why I know. Im concerned about whats been going on.

[-Sanguine-]

Has she done anything besides check this guys profile to make you not trust her??

 

Cause if not - then you are WAY overreacting. I check people's profiles ALL THE TIME. It doesn't mean anything at all!! I bet you're not looking at all the other people she is checking. She is probably looking at tons of pages of friends, etc. And you know why you're not getting worked up about them? Because she had a ONS with this guy.

You're feeling insecure because of that and it's not fair to her. I think you should work on some of your insecurity issues before marrying this girl. If you don't trust her, don't marry her.

[iBroken]

what i find worrying is the fact you are checking her internet history, and keeping tabs on what she is viewing and how often. if you don't trust her, you shouldn't be marrying her.

 

Agree with this - who cares if she lurks his profile? Its facebook - thats why its there.

[ToF]

I understand your view, but you dont know the full details as to why I know. Im concerned about whats been going on.

 

So you've got reason not to trust her? What are those reasons?

[soporcogitavi]

So you've got reason not to trust her? What are those reasons?

 

NO i meant, Iunderstand her view on me knowing the info, No I dont have a reason to not trust her

[-Sanguine-]

I just looked at a couple of your other threads that you made..

 

man, you really need to get this insecurity under control

I'm sorry to say it but if you want to have a successful relationship with your fiance in the future you are going to have to find some way to become less jealous. Not only for her, but for you - it can't be fun worrying all the time about her past.

[soporcogitavi]

Has she done anything besides check this guys profile to make you not trust her??

 

Cause if not - then you are WAY overreacting. I check people's profiles ALL THE TIME. It doesn't mean anything at all!! I bet you're not looking at all the other people she is checking. She is probably looking at tons of pages of friends, etc. And you know why you're not getting worked up about them? Because she had a ONS with this guy.

You're feeling insecure because of that and it's not fair to her. I think you should work on some of your insecurity issues before marrying this girl. If you don't trust her, don't marry her.

 

Well I did notice that she checked his more often

[ToF]

NO i meant, Iunderstand her view on me knowing the info, No I dont have a reason to not trust her

 

Then why were you looking at her internet history?

[soporcogitavi]

I just looked at a couple of your other threads that you made..

 

man, you really need to get this insecurity under control

I'm sorry to say it but if you want to have a successful relationship with your fiance in the future you are going to have to find some way to become less jealous. Not only for her, but for you - it can't be fun worrying all the time about her past.

 

I agree with you, but this insecurity BS has just recently surfaced, IT SUCKS!!!!!

[soporcogitavi]

Then why were you looking at her internet history?

 

When I looked the first time it wasnt for that, then it snowballed from there

[ToF]

When I looked the first time it wasnt for that, then it snowballed from there

 

It didn't snowball.. You let this happen. You chose to continue looking through her history, and now you're paying for it.

 

I'm sorry if that's harsh, but if I were your girlfriend I would be livid.

 

No, her behavior was not odd in any way. I still look at my ex's profile sometimes, and I've even looked at his old girlfriend's profile before. It's just the internet. Nothing more.

[DrKitten]

Your fiancee is going to leave you if you keep exhibiting behavior like this. She's looking at Facebook profiles, big deal. Your policing and obsessing is the real damage to the relationship.

[geekgirl4]

Nope, it didn't surface, its been there all along because you can't get over it. I remember your thread for a few months ago and I find it unsettling that you STILL can't let this go. I really really recommend a therapist because every single person so far has told you the same thing - you're blowing this completely out for absolutely no good reason at all. I think a therapist will help you get to the bottom of your intense insecurity.

[soporcogitavi]

It didn't snowball.. You let this happen. You chose to continue looking through her history, and now you're paying for it.

 

I'm sorry if that's harsh, but if I were your girlfriend I would be livid.

 

No, her behavior was not odd in any way. I still look at my ex's profile sometimes, and I've even looked at his old girlfriend's profile before. It's just the internet. Nothing more.

 

Isnt't there a significant difference between an EX and a ONS?

[ToF]

Isnt't there a significant difference between an EX and a ONS?

 

Yes. But you are marrying this woman. Shouldn't you trust her at this point? Why go looking in the first place?

[soporcogitavi]

Yes. But you are marrying this woman. Shouldn't you trust her at this point? Why go looking in the first place?

 

You're right I should trust her, but you dont find that Bizarre or weird? She didnt even have a relationship with him, so what is the need to check? YOu said you check your ex, that I can understand you had a relationship with this person, isnt this situation different?

 

Its in the context of what she's looking at which is what I find troubling

[soporcogitavi]

Has she done anything besides check this guys profile to make you not trust her??

 

Cause if not - then you are WAY overreacting. I check people's profiles ALL THE TIME. It doesn't mean anything at all!! I bet you're not looking at all the other people she is checking. She is probably looking at tons of pages of friends, etc. And you know why you're not getting worked up about them? Because she had a ONS with this guy.

You're feeling insecure because of that and it's not fair to her. I think you should work on some of your insecurity issues before marrying this girl. If you don't trust her, don't marry her.

 

I understand your point, but didyou read my thread carefully?

[ToF]

You're right I should trust her, but you dont find that Bizarre or weird? She didnt even have a relationship with him, so what is the need to check? YOu said you check your ex, that I can understand you had a relationship with this person, isnt this situation different?

 

Its in the context of what she's looking at which is what I find troubling

 

Checking his Facebook profile doesn't mean she has any interest in him other than pure curiosity. She slept with the guy once, looked at his profile a few times, and deleted it on command. I don't see the problem here. What do YOU think checking his profile means? That she wants to sleep with him again?

[-Sanguine-]

You're right I should trust her, but you dont find that Bizarre or weird? She didnt even have a relationship with him, so what is the need to check? YOu said you check your ex, that I can understand you had a relationship with this person, isnt this situation different?

 

Its in the context of what she's looking at which is what I find troubling

 

So she can check people's profiles that she's been in a relationship with or been friends with but not someone she only slept with? People are naturally curious. I stumble onto random people's FB pages ALL the time. It doesn't mean that I would want to have sex with them or that I'm still thinking of them. It doesn't mean anything unless she is contacting him or trying to see him - and she's not.

[soporcogitavi]

Checking his Facebook profile doesn't mean she has any interest in him other than pure curiosity. She slept with the guy once, looked at his profile a few times, and deleted it on command. I don't see the problem here. What do YOU think checking his profile means? That she wants to sleep with him again?

 

Well I think that everytime there's an update and she checks his profile, and when he becomes friends with a girl, she checks that girls profile, I find that weird. I would understand if she was like taht with everyone, but its not the case. she also said that girls compare themselves, But what is the need for this? She's with me, who cares what girl he became friends with?

[-Sanguine-]

But what is the need for this? She's with me, who cares what girl he became friends with?

 

Let's reverse this and see how you feel.

 

What is the need for all this insecurity? She's with YOU, who cares whos profiles she looks at on facebook?

[soporcogitavi]

So she can check people's profiles that she's been in a relationship with or been friends with but not someone she only slept with? People are naturally curious. I stumble onto random people's FB pages ALL the time. It doesn't mean that I would want to have sex with them or that I'm still thinking of them. It doesn't mean anything unless she is contacting him or trying to see him - and she's not.

 

The thing is she doesnt check all these other profiles as often, is it coincidence? maybe. I just find it weird. 4time in just over week, is a little much.

[soporcogitavi]

Let's reverse this and see how you feel.

 

What is the need for all this insecurity? She's with YOU, who cares whos profiles she looks at on facebook?

 

Yes she is with me, but I just wouldnt want her to have feelings or regrets of not exploring a relationship with someone else when she had the chance is that not legitimate?