ladies a question about cuddling and sex

[ferna3069]

im almost done with my threads about this questions. but i want to stop feeling so guilty. and i want to see where i went wrong. im sorry if im bothering people. but im not going to try to get closure from her. so i will ask it here.

 

ok for the people that dont know my story my ex broke up with me a month and twenty something days ago.well her mom told me of about how bad i was. i asked a couple questions kinda like the period one and the going out one.

 

ok the last two i remember so far . i think there is one more but hopefully i wont remember it any more. but one her mom told me and the other her friend told me.

 

ok for the ones that dont know. my ex was abused as a kid. her mom did not find out till after the break up. keep in mind i only knew her as an adult. ok so this one her mom told me. you lost my daughters trust you asked her to have sex with you. ok well for this one . to be honest we did not have sex. we would kiss and start grabbing each other. but thats it. ether i would stop because i was afraid to hurt her and because i respected her moms house.or she would stop because we did not want to disappoint her mom. and to be honest i wasnt the one who started the touching it was her. i kept telling her no for half a year. till she told me to stop treating her like glass.

 

ok something she told her friend. is that i cuddled with her when she did not want to cuddle. ok with this one. she always told me cuddle me. i wouldnt do it at first. i never forced myself on her. but she also never opened her mouth about it. how was i suppose to know? i mean when you ladies dont want to be cuddled wouldnt you say something?ii always told her that if she felt uncomfterable with anything to tell me and i would change it.

 

after the break up. i always had the fear about. what if i make the same mistake? at this point i feel ashamed about sex. i dont feel like its normal. im just so scared to hurt any one . and how am i going to know when some one is comfterable with cuddling? i dont want to be seen as a bad person

[ferna3069]

one more thing im 21 she is 23

[Jd1983]

First off, you're not a bad person.

 

Secondly, most people in a relationship would want their partner to be affectionate. Don't base this experience as something every woman wants to do.

 

If she's 23 years old, she should be grown enough to tell you what it is that she really wants.

[ferna3069]

thank you for the answer i just have never been told im a bad person. ever. her mom who i thought was a real great lady treated me so bad

[Jd1983]

The problems lies within them, and not you.

 

If no one has ever told you that you were a bad person, chances are there's a reason for that.

 

Relax - sometimes you can't please them all. You'll be alright

[ferna3069]

thank you 3d1983 . your right. i just never thought i would be ever treated that way you know. i always like helping people out. i want to study to be a doctor. i guess its more of a fear than it is a fact. i cant please every one which is true.

[mines]

I agree with Jd1983. A young woman of age 23 should be able to set her own boundaries, and as you said, you cuddled with her after she asked you to. Also, I agree that in romantic relationships it is generally accepted that there will be physical affection....otherwise.....why not remain simply platonic??

 

I am very solid with being able to tell someone "Don't touch me, I don't like it." If it is theoretically, my significant other.....I honestly would never be put off, by his touch. Just as I am always ok, with my children touching me.

 

With most women, I think you will be able to sense their signals/comfort/desire to cuddle with you. Please don't let this one particular person, cause so much self-doubt in yourself. I really think the issue is her past-history, it's nothing you've done, yourself. Just my humble opinion....

[ferna3069]

thank you mines for your response. but yeah jd1938 is right. i tried my best to make them happy. i would take the dogs out. help them was the dishes. help them clean. they would always complain about how there inlaw which is her brothers wife would do nothing. her mom said she liked me way better then the inlaw.but i guess its more of just saying it then meaning it