Inquirer89 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I need to vent because I'm upset and sad and disappointed...I really do apologize if this is reaaaallllly long... The guy I've been seeing the past couple months just decided to call whatever we had quits saying that he feels and thinks that this will just end up as a FWB situation and he knows I don't want that and he doesn't want it either, and wants to end things before either of us get hurt... Rewind to the other day about a week ago... He tells me he doesn't think dating is in our future because he's got so much things going on, and he feels he's being selfish because he can't give me more time than he is right now, and that I deserve more than what he is giving.. I told him how I felt and that I've not had an issue with his schedule and I'm perfectly happy with how things are going, of course I said much more than that but that's irrelevant, I was just telling him how happy I was with things. Then the next day I see him in person after I'm dropping some mail off at my cousin's work place for her. He's her manager and he had just got off of work and came in and sat with me for awhile and just chatted, then he said he had to go and to come with him to his car.. We get to talking about what he said the previous night, and he tells me he isn't breaking up with me just that he won't be dating for awhile and if that's what I'm looking for then it's not there right now. He also says that he likes me and always has and he wants me in his life, that he enjoys having me around and that I make him forget s*** but he has a lot on his platter, like trying to get back into school, 2 major projects he has been working on and other things. Also while we were sitting at the table he grabs my phone and just plays with it and I see him go into my text messages, not that I care because I have nothing to hide. When we were sitting in his car he says he read my texts where he said I was worried he was dumping me and thats how the conversation directly above got started. Also he sees some texts between a younger platonic guy friend and asked who he was. I told him that he was just a platonic friend I've known since I was little, he says ok just curious and before he leaves he kisses me, hugs me and is affectionate as he always is. But about an hour later he texts me out of the blue saying he's not controlling at all just that he doesn't want to be lied to, and asks if I was lying about the guy he asked about earlier and if I've ever done anything with him ever. I told him no and to relax because I wouldn't lie to him about something like that and wouldn't lie to him in the first place. I reiterate that this guy is just a platonic friend, I've never had any interest in doing anything with him, whether it be physical or romantically. He says he's asking because the previous time we hung out he saw I was texting him then that day he saw I deleted the texts before the 17th. Told him I was trying to see if deleting everybody's text threads but his ( because I don't want to delete his texts) would help my phone be less psycho and that's why the ones past the last time we hung out weren't there. This all just seems strange at this point but I shrug it off as some bit of jealousy, worried some guy is trying to steal me away or something. Then about a day after he says he wants to set aside some time for me, and we hung out from about 6pm till 11pm..it was fun, we chatted, watched tv, got intimate, and hung out some more just chatting and having a good time with each other... Afterwards, we do the normal, hugging, kissing and I then go home and go to sleep. The next couple days up until this morning at 8:30am.. He seems really distant, ignoring texts, not really feeling 'into' texting me.. He stopped saying good morning/goodnight gorgeous/sweetheart/beautiful about a month ago, asked him about it in a joking manner.. "I miss your goodmornings and good nights, you spoiled me =P", he says he's sorry but is absent minded a lot because of him being bi polar. Mind you, I've had to initiate texting for about a month or so and he was being short with me each time, not his usual self. So I figured something was bothering him. I come to find out that about a week and a half ago, he knew a very close friend of his was dieing for about the past 2 weeks then, and then finally passed about a week ago, the day he said he wasn't sure dating was in our future.. Yet he would act perfectly alright in person, not withdrawn, happy, affectionate as he always been so I have been really confused because of this behavior. He's like in my head that's where I feel this is going. And I just don't want it for either of us..I tell him it won't end up like that unless you make it like that, told him I won't beg him to let it make a change of pace if that's true or beg him not to do this. I tell him bye..then he is like forever....or just now? I tell him I don't know how to answer that but I usually just vanish after things have been called quits..he then gets a bit defensive saying..I'm not gonna talk to him anymore? and that he will remember.. At this point I'm going why the hell does he still want to associate with me if he doesn't want anything to do with me? I told him I don't understand why a guy would want to still talk to somebody when they feel nothing is gonna go anywhere when we didn't start off becoming friends in the first place, it was like a romantic interest situation.. * * * ??? I really don't get this guy...I'm just frustrated because he says one day he wants me in his life then days later he's singing another tune? Part of me thinks he may be getting involved with somebody else..but I don't really know All I can do is just let him do what he wants...I don't know what his motives are behind all this, everything was going so well in the beginning... I hope to get some feedback because I don't know what to think.. I know I haven't done anything wrong to drive him off. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 Any idea if this is salvageable..let him be and hope for the best? Or... Link to comment
endy Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I just kinda skimmed through this. He's keeping you on the backburner as an option. In other words he's using you. Do not let someone like this lead you up and then back down again. Tell him to go F himself and get on with your life. It's not going to be salvageable, and why would you want a relationship that needs to be salvageable? Start going NC now, and don't go see your cousin anymore or go where he works. Delete him off phone, email, etc etc. Read the guides to NC and keep it. Then laugh at him when he wonders where you went. You're either getting played, and or there's someone else. Sorry to be honest, but you definitely deserve better than this. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 Any idea if this is salvageable..let him be and hope for the best? Or... Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 Sorry for the dbl post. On my mobile so I wasn't sure if it went thru. And thanks for info. Wish I could see things from the outside looking in. I can agree he's keeping me as an option. I don't want to be a last resort no matter how much I like him. Said he was single the first night I met him and wasn't seeing anybody when I asked, but he could of been lying about that completely. Go figure..if he comes running back all I can say to him is I'm not settling for 2nd place to somebody or something else.. when somebody else can appreciate me more. I just wish people wouldn't play these games but I guess that's part of life.. Time to move on. Link to comment
endy Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Sorry for the dbl post. On my mobile so I wasn't sure if it went thru. And thanks for info. Wish I could see things from the outside looking in. I can agree he's keeping me as an option. I don't want to be a last resort no matter how much I like him. Said he was single the first night I met him and wasn't seeing anybody when I asked, but he could of been lying about that completely. Go figure..if he comes running back all I can say to him is I'm not settling for 2nd place to somebody or something else.. when somebody else can appreciate me more. I just wish people wouldn't play these games but I guess that's part of life.. Time to move on. Watch what happens he will come running back. Disappear like a ninja. Just be gone. Since I'm a man, it looks like he's just saying what he needs to sleep with you pretty much. I've been casual with females before, and they usually catch feelings, since it makes them emotionally attached usually anyways. Just giving you a males perspective on it. Head high, you'll be fine. Link to comment
dramallama Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 A lot of people get dumped around holidays. Usually before holidays because by that point the dumper has already checked out of the relationship and wants to officially get out so they don't have to feel guilty about pretending to be into you while celebrating a holiday, or being around your family or friends etc. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Yeah I can agree, except he hasn't been introduced to my family, thank god. Wasn't up to that point yet for me. I knew that something along these lines would be coming because he seemed withdrawn and distant about 4 weeks up until the day he said he wasn't wanting to break up and then wanting to end it. I didn't have to worry about having plans for him to come over for the holiday either so I'm not so irked about the Easter dumping, even if it was lame timing. When he called it quits on Easter with his reasoning he didn't want the relationship to head towards a FWB situation was stupid cause I kinda figured it may head down that direction, but good, he made it easier for me, at least I don't have to guess if he wants to stick around or bail anymore . It's just really irritating that people can't just say what they are actually after in the beginning instead of beating around the bush, lying and wasting people's time, when it would of ended up better if they told the truth to begin with. He may of been surprised and I may have agreed to a FWB thing if that's what his aim was, if only for a short time. His loss I say, I could of made him a very happy man eventually, if it lasted long enough to get to that piont. I'll keep my eye open for somebody willing to put forth the effort he didn't. Link to comment
dramallama Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Be glad that you didn't end up in a FWB situation, especially with your ex. It would have only ended in tears and it's a way of not accepting that a relationship is over. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Definitely, I got somewhat attached to him so a FWB would of not been good for me. If I can't ever have the package deal from somebody then I want to move on. I'm getting better, it's easier to fight the urge to text him.. Ugh the disappointment really liked him too, really sucks he turned out to be this..but nothing in life is guaranteed. Life goes on before and after him. It's crazy though, I wouldn't of normally approached a guy like him, just went out on a limb when he asked me out on a date the day after I met him. Figured, what the hell? Maybe I might get lucky this time, never know. I spent the time to see how things would go and found out, maybe I'll meet some great catch tomorrow or something lol. Link to comment
Inquirer89 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 It's been 7 days... and I feel better already. I made my peace, said what i had to say and I'm moving on. Finding out he may have been lieing to me and seeing somebody else while seeing me has made it easier to move further on. I refuse to be somebody's last ditch resort or backburner option. I think to myself he lost a really good thing, and he can get his rocks off having his fun and maybe ending up miserable, while he gave up somebody who would of treated him great and eventually maybe of loved him completely. But me? Me...I grow stronger each day knowing what kind of person he really is and that I can find somebody who will end up taking me for his own, not making any wishy washy comments or having any wishy washy behavior. Somebody who won't give me any doubts about how they really feel, or are just saying whatever it takes to get what they want and dig out. Somebody who will make damned sure he isn't going to let me go if he actually did have feelings for me instead of claiming those feelings just changed. Somebody who will care like I care in a relationship.. That's what I want and what I deserve and it sucks he wasn't the lucky winner because of how he is, but maybe..maybe the next one will be a successful relationship, if only I can find him. So I will continue to grow stronger, lose these feelings that have had me sad, then moved to anger, and soon to resolve and coming to terms that I don't need somebody like him, and it's approaching. I don't dare cry over somebody not worth it anymore, but think of the happy times I had with him and that I understand that not everything in life is guaranteed. Not everybody in the world is honest. Learning from what I experienced with him, my mistakes and what I can do to improve myself and be better for the next one who comes along. Nothing is wrong with me, I did nothing wrong...in fact, I did everything right. Maybe I just wasn't good enough, maybe I didn't put out enough, maybe I just wasn't compatible to him and he just lied about it. Whatever the reason, I'm keeping my dignity. I never begged him to stay, begged him to not make his choice. I was the stronger person, the more mature person for not being that girl I used to be so many years ago. Yeah..it still hurts..but now..just a tiny bit..it's getting better. Having family to talk to, a best friend to vent to helps my healing and I am grateful for that. The day it happened I felt like my heart fell into the pit of my stomach and I always hate that feeling each time it happens but I know it will happen again until I find that special person. I will keep my hopes up as I always do though sometimes I wonder why, but it's not healthy to lock yourself away from the world and keeping love out. Thanks for all of your input, it's greatly appreciated, I have no regrets in this situation. I did what I felt I needed to do for closure 2 days ago and I can move on knowing I did everything I knew how in order to set myself into the healing motions Link to comment
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