ground rules for the ex.

[ferna3069]

well my ex broke up with me a month 17 days ago. she broke up with me because she felt uncomfterable with herself.well as a kid she was abused so i understand.well i told her to give me a month to heal. because she wanted me to be her friend.well the usualy happened after the break up.she broke up with me we would argue because of all the emotions going between us.she started getting mean when this girls came into my life. which im pretty sure it was jelousy.i did not try to make her jelous. it was pretty much just a girl who helped me get threw the break up. we wernt dating or anything. i let her know that. and also this girl had a bf

 

i really care about this girl. when i told her to give it a month to heal we where already broken up for one month. also when the break up happened when she was getting mean i told her that i would get out of her life and i deleted her of facebook. she got so mad at . well i deleted her of facebook because i wanted to heal i did not want to stalk her. and getting out of her life because well i kinda got mad.well i know that when a break up happens this fighting feelings are natural. so thats when i gave it the month to cool off.

 

 

so im going to set ground rules because im no ones doormat.tell me what you think

 

1 tell me whats in your mind. im not a mind reader.well she would keep everything bottled up and explode in the last second. out of something i did not even know botherd her

 

2when we make plans to show up and talk. show up. if you dont call and tell me you cant make it im moving on.and dont expect to hear from me

 

3 no mind games. we are friends. and a good friend does not try to argue

 

thats all i hve so far any other ideas?i will explain to her that once she messes up im gone for good. i was there for her in the worst of times. and she was there for me. we where going threw so much and where were best friends beore we where together.

 

i am going to ask first if she said she wanted to be friends in the heat of the moment or if she ment it. im going to prepare myself for ether one of them.and also i been telling myself she has a bf. im not hoping to get anything out of it but honest friendship. any one have any idead?

[sfindependent]

read my thread. people (and i believe them) are telling me it's a bad idea and i believe them, i'm trying to reason MY self into it, but if i'll be honest with myself, it's not gonna work if i'm still harboring some desire to get back together... which i am.

[ferna3069]

your right. funny thing though i was just going to talk to you about it sfindependant haha.because i read your thread. i just did not want to be the one to leave you know

[sfindependent]

LOL yeah, while it seems that it's logically correct to just make up a list like that, lay out the ground rules and hope to god things will work in your favor, i'm pretty sure it wouldn't.

 

I know being around her isn't helping my cause and there's no way i can re attract her by being the wimpy, lovey, always there for her kinda guy. It didn't work before, right?

 

The fact is, she didn't value me. i told her recently "the fact is, you burned me. it's going to take a lot more effort on your part to regain my trust in you to be able to want me to hang out with you again." it's true though. she did burn me. She broke up with me. Why would i intentionally (without the guarantee that i won't be hurt again)go back to someone knowing i can get burned again? I didn't give her a reason for her to leave. Sure, we lived together, but that's reality. Sure we had problems, but thats reality. if she can't find value that this person (me) is willing to be real with her and live and live with love and openness and genuineness, then she can live in her fantasy land forever.

 

I don't hate her, i love her pretty much the same way you do. But the question is: do they love us?

[ifeelalone]

Read my thread and it might make you feel like your situation aint so bad haha....just kidding, but from all the advice i have gotten on here so far and from all the threads i have read. It all boils down to the same thing...when you break up there can be absolutely NO contact whatsoever. We all have our excuses as to why we are remaining "friends" with our exes but i guess bottom line is deep down we are only doing it because we want them back. If we look back at relationships that we ended and never wanted to rekindle would we actually care if we never saw any of those again?

 

I had to learn the hard way that if somebody wants you they will come and get you. you wont get them back by making yourself a doormat like i did. I just wish that i had come accross this website 3 years ago because i have wasted so much time and time is the only thing that you cant get back....

 

Anyway best of luck in what you choose to do.....I really hope she realises what she is putting you through.