Looking back on 30 days NC...

[TheJerseyKid]

Or should I say, looking forward. Anyway, in about an hour or so, it'll of been a full 30 days of NC/being BU. Man this has been one wacky roller coaster. Neither of us has made an attempt to contact at any point, and I don't plan on initiating ever unless she initiates a conversation months down the line when I am fully healed, because I am still not healed.

 

I've been doing a lot better the past few weeks, been reading a lot, working out 3-4 times a week, excelling at work, and just being way more on top of things in my life than I usually am. Within the past few days I've really started getting my confidence back and want to make all of these new changes stick around because I think I am much better off now the way I am.

 

I won't 100% rule out of the possibility of a reconciliation at this point in time, but I will say it's highly unlikely, as this is our 3rd break up in 2.5 years. I've had enough of this to tide me over for a long time. Perhaps some day things will change, but I'm certainly not banking on it, nor do I see it as a realistic possibility. I think I've finally reached the acceptance stage. I'm done asking questions, worrying, feeling bad, guilty, angry, mad, etc. Sure, I still have lots of moments where I feel lonely or out of place for a few seconds, but those are getting much farther and farther between. I can only imagine where my head will be at in another 30 days with 60 days of NC.

 

To those of you in NC keep strong, it does get better. I'm WAAAY happier today than I was 30 days ago, and I haven't even really began dating or distracting myself with other women yet. I felt the need to properly grieve and get over this relationship, but in a totally healthy way. Now that I've gotten into good shape, it's only going to snowball from here, and I have a solid month or two before the real summer starts so by then I should be in great spirits and incredible physical shape. Should make for a fun summer, my first full single one in several years.

[RISK]

thank for the encouragement. I took this really hard. But, hearing where you have arrived makes me feel like I am going to survive this. This will be my first summer single in many many moons I am old enough to be your Mom. never to old to learn i guess.

[C_Unknown2005]

You will have a long road ahead of you sir. Be positive and pick a hobby

[TheJerseyKid]

I do know there is still a ways to go, but that said, I don't think I'll be pining for her for months and months like some other posters here are. Not as a knock on them, or a diss in anyway. It's just I've been down this road with my ex before. I've had my heart broken before ( a lot worse than this ). I look at where I am now after 30 days, and look back at where I was 30 days post BU during other break ups, and this time around I am a lot better off. I think the 2nd time we got back together, I held back a very small portion of myself, because I kind of had a fear she would flake out again eventually, so it wasn't as soul crushing this time around.

 

There are girls I can call and hang out with and "date" per say. There are a few who would probably come over right now to hang out, possibly hook up, etc. They're fun and they are cool, but I don't have the "butterflies" for any of them. All of them go back in my life to at time before my ex, so I know them all pretty well. And while that's fun and all, it's not what I want in the long run. As soon as I get involved with someone new where I get those butterflies, I'll be well on my way to getting over her.