My relationship always up and down, will it work?

[black_magic]

hey everyone, first post opening up here so a little nervous.

 

I guess my issue on todays post is that i have been in what seemed to be my strongest relationship for nine months, i felt and still feel amazed by the fact that im in it, i feel that this is one of things that you can and only could put down to fate, it took a lot for this relationship to work as i was reminded by my friend the other day, we came into this relationship knowing that both of our relationship were each others closest friends, this wasnt too large of an issue mainly because the relationships were long over and no chance of rewinding together again after such a long period.

 

This caused though for us a rough first month, i know your probably thinking well this is eight months down the line here why you telling us, im sayihng it because these people are still an issue, both my ex now and a close friend of mine have been saying how they have lost out on loosing me within relationships, now im not one to be unfaithful so dont get me wrong, but as seen before they are close friends, as is my boyfriends ex to him.

 

As hard as it is to admit this weve both seen a bit of the green eyes monster in which me and my boyfriend have not been angered by the others getting close but being upset, i guess this became a bigger issue than the both of us would like to accept and the relationship without thinking became more physical than emotional, this hurt me even more when realising it, mainly because i began to feel my feelings were greater and was now being played.

 

this relationship was set up on foundation i promised not to cheat where he promised not to lie.

we had a talk and he admittedly said that he did not love me the way i loved him, but after this and me feeling he had lied, he was my first love, i slept with him, and as foolishly so it was done after hearing him tell me he loved me. dont get this man wrong i can assure you he doesnt mess girls around. but i did feel used, but also i feel confused, he sent me a message later saying he loved me and he talked about how me feeling confused about loving and his feelings made him feel confused about the way he felt, it was a long day with a lot of emotion and tears, so i can see why he might have opened his eyes to his feelings.

 

but my questions are, is he using me? or does he really have strong feelings, im treading a thin line and when it breaks i dont know which side im going to fall on,

 

sorry about the long post,

 

black magic.

[giggirl]

It seems to me all theese other people are trying to get in the way of your happiness and it seems as if he's confused and talking to other people and he's not really telling you how he feels, he's probably telling someone else and their probably giving him the bad advice of telling you what he told you and hurting you. And the fact that you guys dont talk about all this JEALOUSY between you guys as well as your friends being jealous

of your relationship.

 

my advice would be to ask really what's going on maybe someone told him lies about you or is steering him to leave you, but you should really find out why the cold shoudler all of a sudden since it's not really his character to act that way anyways from what you said

 

You should definitly find out why the two faces one where he loves and the other he dosent, because it seems to me there's definitly outside influence here. It can be hard to be in a relationship with such a tight group of friends around getting in the way sometimes but you have to weed out the friends that are hurtfull and don't want you to be happy because of their own selfish reasons and so should he. But you never really know unless you ask but it sounds to me that that's what's going on.

I hope it works out because you shouldn't let the unhappy people in your life try and make you unhappy also, good luck

[black_magic]

hey giggirl, for starters thankyou very much for your reply, it has helped me.

 

but as for my respond :

 

I can see what you mean by others hurting me, ive had the issue of my exs trying to actually get back with me and I seem to be pretty open with my boyfriend when this happens because I don't think its fair that I should hide it and if I don't tell him it feels like ive done something wrong anyway. People do try to come in between me and him but others around us do boost the relationship, our relationships isn't based on others views because we spend a lot of time together, well more so than in the group, its just how quick we can be influenced as you said.

 

The issue of jealousy was brought up, I knew there was a problem and I asked him and he denied but we then found being around people difficult and again only being together so I asked again what was happening, and this was when we discussed the issue of jealousy and attitudes around others, my nature is quite bubbly and I am naturally open to others which means that I show gestures and feelings such as hugging others a lot more than he does, so I could see where the problem was.

 

Jealousy is something I can handle but I don't know If stepping away from others is, I know that its better to move away from my ex, but whilst he sees him as my ex I see him as a best friend, do you know what im saying, so for him its like why cant you do this for me, and for me its like this relationship was over like a year ago and cant you see that I love you.

 

The only problem I find is that im waiting for a line such as ''if you love me….''

 

Hes not like this, but people can change others attitudes right?

Don't worry about people telling lies, they have got nothing to say, hes open about that and asks me quite a few things, we have learnt to confront something's but often I can ask something and hes so scared of loosing me or so scared of the result that we don't talk over it, this is something I have to deal with also but I never push him.

 

I will definitely ask him what's happening and hopefully with him being away from me for over two weeks in France we can kind of realize what's going on etc.

 

And thanks, I hope everything works out as well, but I never have wanted to be in a one sided relationship despite how strong my feelings are for him!

 

Black magic.

[getupkid]

I'll be honest, and from a guy's point of view, if he were gonna use you for sex, he would of told you he loved you before, not after. And we dont live inside a romance movie, no matter who we date, have a relationship with, marry whatever, there is never going to be a perfect relationship with only ups and no downs. Everybody experiences the downs, and the ups, you just need to work on it all. Me and my girlfriend have had a lot of downs towards our 8 monthes, and ended up breaking up. But a month 1/2 later we're back together and we're happier now then we ever were. These things just need time, and when you love someone and they love you back, you'll be willing to take the time. So I hope everything works out for you as I think it will, because he doesnt seem like he's using you at all, if he were I think guilt would have got him by now.