What the hell is going on!?!?!

[AngelWater]

Hello Everyone.

 

I've explained my situation before, but I will quickly go over it again for those of you who don't know. My ex and I were together for a little over 3 years...have a dog together and a house. We were arguing the last several months...really bad, but then things started getting better. All of a sudden he told me it wasn't going to work out between us because he needed to focus on himself...he said he knew he still loved me as a person, as a friend, wasn't sure romantically and was confused if he was "in love" with me and if I was still the person he wanted to marry.

 

He was away for a week (on vacation with family) during which time I went out on fun casual dates...and he knew this. Anyway, when he drove back from up north, he came straight to our house after the long 8 hour drive. I was going out that night and was very non chalant with him. He told me he might come and stay at the house now....just sleep in the spare bed... When I hugged him to say goodbye he said "That wasn't a very good hug".....so he asked me to hug him again.

 

Well after that day things started to get nasty. We were arguing about selling the house, and money and the division of our belongings...he was yelling at me on the phone and I told him I can no longer be talked to this way and was going to disconnect the phone. I was upset after the fight and called my mother....who HE had called and was talking to. I went over to my mother's house and when I got back later that night, he was at our house waiting for me to get back.

 

Now things start to get crazy!!! He kissed me....then we slept together not once...but twice. Halfway through the second time I stopped because I started to get upset. Well he kept on going on and on about how hot I looked..(I got my hair done and lost some weight.) He said how he was really upset that other guys were going to get to sleep with me..) He left. The next morning he was supposed to drop of my credit card in the mailbox...there was a knock on the door and it was him. I went back to bed because I was tired and he crawled into bed with me, rubbing my back....cuddling with me...etc. We ended up having sex again...

 

This is the BEST sex we have ever had......it's insane.. He's doing things that he never did before....and doing everything SOOOO much better!!! Well that morning he left and called me twice from work...for a silly reason...said he was going to come over that night to paint the house. I was at work that night... He came over, but didn't paint...instead he cleaned. I came home to an amazingly sparkling clean house.

 

Sorry this is SO long...almost done. Yesterday he called me from work....said he was coming over that night to paint..after work he called me and asked me what I was doing for dinner.....he picked me up and we picked up some food and groceries...he also told me he was staying the night. We made dinner, talked, watched tv, had a really good time....then we had CRAZY, CRAZY sex!!!! INSANE...AMAZING!!! We were both SO shocked!! Then I got freaked out because I realized I should have gotten my period a week ago....I said don't worry, if I am pregnant I will get an abortion. (he knows I don't believe in that, but I said I would not to ruin his life.) He asked if I wanted to and I said of course not.... Then he told me that if I was pregnant, he wouldn't want to kill his child...and then he said..."Well it's not like I don't want to have a child with you....!!!!" What sense does that make!?!?! He broke up with me and then says this!!???

 

Anyway we went to bed together....cuddled.....(he is also being sweeter, more attentive...and more touchy feely....like the way that makes us girls feel so special....)and this morning when he left for work he told me he is coming home for lunch....we are still broken up and selling the house...but what the hell is going on!?!?!?

 

Any advice and or opionions?????.....PLEASE!!!

[podpod]

He sounds confused, and it seems like he's not really thinking of your feelings when he comes out with this stuff (speaking to you and treating you one way, then in the completely opposite way)

 

If I was in this situation, I'd take some time to myself to think about whether he's someone I could trust and love, because I'd probably feel weird toward him after what he's said/done... Then I'd tell him exactly what I was thinking/feeling, and ask him to tell me what he's thinking/feeling about our relationship. If he still seemed confused or I didn't trust that he was telling the truth about his feelings, I'd take a break from the relationship most likely. Just do whatever feels right to you I guess

[AngelWater]

Thanks podpod for the reply.

 

The thing is this. He told me that of course he still wants to be with me...but he needs to accomplish personal things for himself...he still has feelings of wanting to be with me and wanting to be in the relationship, but his personal feelings about what he needs to do right now are stronger than his feelings to be with me.

 

I know that this break needs to happen.....it is the only chance for us....but now I think what is happening is that by seeing me and being with me his feelings are just getting more confused. He's said as much as this break up sucks...it needs to be done....but it's as if neither of us can let go.

 

This is such a difficult situation because we are best friends too. We are eachothers whole lives...it's just so messed up!!

[LEOML87]

maybe u guys should just take some space from each other no sex maybe lunch or dinner now and again but you guys need space i am in a bad sitituation myself read my post i am giving her space know and she is coming to me sometimes instead of megoing to her

[Beec]

My first questions that I would ask him, not sure if you have already addressed this or not:

 

1. What does he need to accomplish?

 

2. How and why do you and the reltionship interfere with the things he wants to do?

 

3. Why the doesn't he come to his senses and realize that he should be looking at you and understanding that you want him to do whatever he thinks he needs to. You want him to be all he can be? If you don't, you should.

 

My question to you. You would not want to get an abortion and neither would he. Is the timing great? No, but if you want kids together and don't believe abortion is right, why would you do this? It's something you might regret for the rest of your life.

[podpod]

Yeah... well if he's made it clear that he has other stuff to do, and you feel that breaking up is the right thing... I think you should stop having sex and get on with your life, and let him figure out his stuff... What exactly does he need to do that you get in the way of anyway?

 

I wouldn't rush a decision with the pregnancy... Clear your head a bit first

[AngelWater]

First off all...I'm not pregnant!!! *LOL* Well could be...but will just have to wait and see. As for him...he thinks that I am holding him back. This is because in the past I did hold him back....not my fault though. I was really sick and unable to work for alot of the relationship and the stress of paying the bills and the mortgage fell upon him. Also, we racked up alot of debt because I was unable to work. He told me he has some anger and resentment towards me and doesn't want to have these feelings for me. His exact words yesterday were "For our whole relationship I put 80% into eveything YOU wanted and 20% for myself" He said now he needs to put 100% towards himself. He said it's not that he doesn't want to be with ME....it's that he can't...he can't be with anyone right now.

 

We also still have our house together. So there is no way we can do the whole NC thing. We have to see eachother quite often to get our affairs in order. We still have joint bank accounts...still have debts together...bills in both our names, etc, etc.

 

Beec, he hates his job right now and wants to go to school. I know that because of my past situation, he feels like he can't go because he has to support me.....both financially and emotionally...(this is not the case now because I am doing fine, but I think he is just so affraid) He said he is affraid of dying and not being able to do eveything he wants to do. The main thing going to school to become a teacher. He also said that he wants to save up some money of his own. Just like you said...I DO want him to be the best that he can be....and he wants the same for me.

 

This is just so messed up!!!

[Beec]

Then maybe you should push him to dlo what he wants. Go get the applications for school, make him fill them out, take an active role in it.

 

Fulfill his needs emotionally, and he won't want to go anywhere without you. Jsut don't do it nonstop.

[AngelWater]

I HAVE tried to help him with school and do his applications with him. I am still going to do it, I don't know how this time will be any different though.

 

Now this is the new update. He came home for lunch today. I went to the gym because I wasn't going to wait around for when he got here. He got home a little bit before I did, but we still had time to eat lunch together. During lunch, he told me he had the best sleep ever lastnight sleeping in our bed. (Because he's been sleeping on a couch the last week or so.) He told me that he is going to stay here again tonight.

 

I am so confused as to what his intentions are. I personally think he doesn't know what he wants. It's so stupid! I think that he is starting to change his mind about not wanting to be with me, yet he won't let his heart talk because he keeps ignoring his feelings. I think he feels like he HAS to not be with me...that it is the ONLY way he will accomplish his goals. I reassure him that this is not the case, that he can still do everything he wants to do and be with me, but he thinks it can't be done!

 

I don't know what to do. Should I stay here and sleep in the same bed as him.....or should I stay here sleep on the couch...should I go somewhere else???? I just don't know. I almost want to just coast and see how things go, but at the same time I don't want to screw myself over.....I HATE this!!! But yet I LOVE it too!!!! Arrrgggghhh!!!

[LEOML87]

WELL IF U ARE CONFUSED U SHOULDNT SLEEP WITH HIM CAUSE THEN HE WILL THINK EVERYTHING IS OK LET HIM SLEEP ON THE COUCH OR U SLEEP ON THE COUCH TRY SOME SPACE