Confused again! Please help!

[evepm]

Brief background. I was dating a great guy (Joe) and during that time I got together with my ex (Kent) for one night. I posted this story about 2 weeks ago and after some good advice and thought, I told Joe that I thought we needed to go back to being just friends. I did not tell him what happened with Kent because it was not fair to dump my guilt upon him.

 

I have talked to Joe almost daily. This past weekend his grandfather passed away and he really needed to talk. He wants to see me tonight and I want to be there for him but I'm not ready to jump back into a relationship. I care about Joe alot and I believe that we could have a future together someday, just not right now.

 

Kent and I have been talking and he spent most of this past week at my house. I realized all the reasons why we broke up in the first place. I know that I will always love him and be his friend but I also know that we will never get back together.

 

I feel like trash because I've essentially been juggling two guys even though I have not seen Joe and I did take the relationship back to just friendship. I think I feel this way because I know that Joe loves me and wants a serious relationship. Kent loves me too and we are very close but I know that Kent and I don't belong together. I also know that Joe would be totally hurt if he knew that Kent has stayed with me all week.

 

I'm confused because I don't understand why I would put myself in this emotional position. I'm also afraid that when I see Joe he is going to want to get back into the relationship. I'm such an idiot. I know that when I closed the door with Kent I should have left it shut. I make a strong effort to keep drama away from me and yet I invited it right into my house. I have spent he morning cleaning, almost like I'm trying to erase Kent's presense from my house. Kent's clothes are here and he will be stopping by after work to pick them up probably about the same time that Joe will be coming over!

 

All I want is a peaceful life with NO DRAMA! The biggest question that I have is why would I do any of this knowing already that it would cause upset for others and myself? I feel like a cheat but why should I feel this way when I didn't promise my loyalty to anyone? Any advice would be so welcome.

[bexcelant]

I gather from reading your post that you want to do the right thing and that you are a good person. Reading between the lines, I can say that you have feelings for both these guys. You are basically in the classic love triangle. You feel guilty because you like both of them and that you know in your head that you should only be with one of them. You havent let go of the past because deep down there is still something there. I don't know how to help you with this because last year I was one of the two guys. The only thing that will work in the long run is that one of the guys will have to bow out.

 

Bex

 

PS In my case, I bowed out because I didn't have the primary position and wasn't about to play second fiddle to anyone else.

[evepm]

I have feelings of deep friendship for Kent because we are close and he knows me well. I can be myself around him and he accepts me for who I am. I don't love him romantically anymore. I know that the only reason we spent time together came from a part of me that was reminiscing over a fairytale.

 

Joe is real and stable. We haven't spent enough time together as a couple for me to feel totally comfortable around him. But unlike my feelings for Kent, my feelings for Joe are both platonic and romantic. If that makes any sense.

[bexcelant]

You know this much I know. If you are attracted to someone and can get along fairly well. If you spend enough time with them, eventually you will fall in love. It could just about be anyone y'know.

 

BEX

[evepm]

Bex:

 

Any idea why I would have put all this rediculious turmoil in my life? I'm really confused over my actions. I let someone from my past into my life knowing full well that they are not right for me and I've pushed away someone who is sweet and caring. I know that I'm scarred of getting hurt but that's kind of how I feel right now. Kent won't be spending anymore nights at my house because I feel it's not good for either of us. Yet I feel a loss because I have spent the past week waking up next to him, etc.

[hardcore]

love suck's there is no such thing as love just a sexuel need that we all must fufill thats all never fall for the crap that pepole say but knw this this is the truth :scramble:

[leslieRN]

Hardcore, that just isn't so and you know it! Or, at least I thought you did.

 

To your situation, I would say, if you are honest with the ex about your feelings, maybe he'll spend a little less time with you or maybe reach the same level as you in your friendship...You don't have to be tied to Joe to spend time together casually doing date stuff with out being "married" over night...Take some time and get to know him if you have romantic feelings for him...Just be honest with him about how you feel and don't lead him on....you can date without going steady!

 

Leslie