does she like me...yes or no??

[Mustangdood]

This is my first post...so I'm making it a long one, thanks to all those that actually read it and respond to it.

 

Well for the last three years I have been dating off and on, since my seperation. Now recently I started dating this girl I wasn't really interested in but she asked me out so I said what the hell! anywasy I went out with her for about 3 dates, and well the third one we kinda slept together which I felt bad about cause I didn't really like her...hey I'm a guy, give me a break.

 

So now this other girl at work asks me out, again not really interested, but I'm insecure and need the ego boost, so I say sure, we go out to a movie and that is as far as it has gone to date. right around this time is when this girl I do like and have flirted with in the past I asked out because the opportunity kindof presented itself. I wasn't planning on it.

 

she then says yes...which surprised me, but we were gonna set up a date the next time we both worked which we figured out. Now when this day came she tells me that she doesn't think its a good idea to date at work...so I play it cool and say "thats fair" and carry on....leaving that day the one I made the mistake of sleeping with totally snubs me which is fine I was about to make sure we were done anyways, but it tips me off as to why I'm not getting a date with the other one. I had no intentions of dating more than one girl, but it seems like I have been labeled a player.

 

So I go on vacation and leave this mess at work for a while. Now I'm back and the girl I liked is still flirting and seems to be rubbing in the fact that I can't have her, she is a tease dammit. So I figure I play it cool and leave it alone, but she seems to try and get my attention which I have been trying to avoid doing, cause I don't want to come off as needy or anything. Anyways, I'm basically afraid to ask her out again, You only need to kick me in the balls once and I learn quickly, although I get these mixed kinda signals which I can';t figure out. should I bail and leave it alone or should I play this game?

 

This girl has me hooked by the way I can't get her out of my mind, so I think shes playing me...but it is the first in a long time that has given me a challenge like this.

 

sorry for the long post...and thanks for reading again.

[Paradise]

Hi there,

 

First of all - let start with what stood out the most for me when I read your post. When a girl is labelled a 'tease' it doesn't necessarily mean she is a cold difficult girl or someone who just wants attention. Most of time (and I am a girl who has been called a tease before so I know what I am saying) she is looking to have her ego boosted just as you were when you went out with the girl you didn't really like too much. She could very possibly be shy and doesn't know how to let you know she is interested without words. She smiles a lot, and hopes you keep noticing her because it is not our place (typically) to make the first move. These little things she does to get your attention are ways for her to feel attractive for her own self-esteem too.

 

So - that being said, let's consider your situation. I don't think getting involved with someone at work is a good idea, but so have I, and I understand how much safer it feels than meeting someone at a bar or something. You know them better, and so like them more. But if you must continue a pursuit at work, be honorable first! Don't make your work environment uncomfortable. You must talk to the girl you slept with and appologize for sleeping with her when you weren't yet sure if this was going to be a lasting relationship. Rumors can kill you - so be a man, and tell her she is wonderful and special and it was nice, but that you don't feel enough of a kind of 'soulmate' connection to be more than friends. I know it sounds typical, but girls like to hear that you would like to be her friend because she is cool, funny, nice, sweet, yada yada yada. Her ego is just as sensitive as yours, or even more so. Do your best to maintain a nice friendship with her, or you won't get any closer to the girl that you really like. Girls talk, and more importantly, you don't need to be snubbed when you are trying to feel good about this other girl. It will affect your confidence.

 

So this other girl that you really like...if she seems to be playing a game, she is most likely waiting to see if you are in this for the game or if you really think she is special. What she needs right now is to know that you are different from other guys. My favorite thing to get is a message from a guy in a written note with song lyrics. Pick a song that expresses something about a girl being breathtaking and angelic or something. Write it down and start the note by saying this song was playing and you were thinking of her. Write the lyrics and express how she makes you want to be a better man or something. She needs to know you see her as above and beyond any other girl. Tell her you think about her before you go to sleep - add in something about taking things slow because you are nervous to mess it up with her. A girl likes humility, sincerity (and I am just helping you express it - because you must already be sincere if you care enough to post this) and uniqueness. When you get another date, ask her about herself a lot. Her family, her friends, her hobbies, what she likes to do on her free time, her fears.... the more she expresses about herself, the more she will feel a connetion with you. Be a good listener.

 

Anyway, I hope things work out for you. Don't ever beat yourself up for mistakes. We all make them, and beating yourself up is not productive. You will always remain feeling negative if you don't stop beating yourself up. Say to yourself... 'ok I have learned and I will not do that again and so now I am smarter'. Keep moving forward and be happy about what you learn on the way. Ask for forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Don't try to be perfect.

 

All my best,

Tammie

[Mustangdood]

Hey thanks for responding.....I do think I will take your advice and talk with the first girl and say I'm sorry it didn't work out..yada yada. Cause You are right about the gossip and rumors killing me. its been a few weeks since all this has happened so most of the workplace drama is over. I always had a rule of not dating at work, so I know where your coming from with this, but I slipped up, and unfortunately it cost me a date with a really great girl, but I've just carried on as if nothing really has happened and trying to figure out what to do next. Usually dating and woman have always come easy to me for the most part, but this is the first girl that has given me a challenge so I'm not sure if its the "I want her cause I can't have her," or I truly found someone that I really like?? But I do think about her alot so to me it is worth pursuing.

 

This whole teasing or flirting thing just confuses me cause its hot one minute then cold the next...So I really don't know where I stand so it makes me less confident for sure, which is a real pain in the butt! anyways thanks again for your response....hopefully I'll have good news in the next while and I'll let you know how it went!

[Paradise]

Mustangdood - You sound sincere - so definitely explore it. You won't know if it's the challenge that attracts you, or if it's her, unless you spend more time with her. And the flirting thing on/off, it's just a cover to remind herself that she is not 'easy'. It's a crappy feeling to a girl if a relationship starts because she gave you enough hints. She wants to be wanted because of her - not because she lured you in. The cold shoulder is not necessarily a message to you that it's never going to happen, but you won't know for sure unless you check things out. Let me know how things go... and good luck