Dumped after two years and confused please help

[sada88]

Hello, I'm new to the forum and I would like to ask for some advice please. Sorry, this is going to be a long posting.

 

Me (22) and my ex (23) have been dating for the last two years. When we first met, it was his last year of college and he had a massive thing for Asian girls that are also gamers, which I happen to be. When our friends introduced us, I was not interested in him but slowly, he helped me through some problems and I began to fall for him. I hinted and pushed him to ask me out. We had an idealistic 3 months. There were spats over him being disrespectful and not controlling his temper but we got over it.

 

However, as we started getting used to each other, it seemed that my neutral expression seem to signify to him that no matter what he does, I never seem to be happy nor do I appreciate him. I would tell him and show him that I appreciated him or tell him I feel for him to just brush it off. I should probably mention that my ex is the type to place more value on the negative aspects than the positive aspects of the relationship. And he started resenting me b/c I made it seem like I thought he was a * * * * ty boyfriend because I used to joke about never getting my Christmas present from him last year and a too big size dress that I love wearing. So whenever he did something to upset me, I would tell him...I'm sad or upset or angry. He would just brush it off because he felt that I was always sad/upset/angry at him.

 

Anyway, starting last August 2010, I started taking on too many things on at once. I was tutoring a class prep, doing an internship, taking on too many credits at once and applying to law school. The pressure was starting to get to me and I felt like he wasn't pulling his weight into the relationship and I asked him is he happy with me or not? And he described himself as unsure about things. That he is mostly happy with me but at the same time, there were moments when he wanted to just walk away from us. So I decided to break up with him but he talked me into coming back because he said he'll try to change. Then there were the incident when I felt that he was getting too closed to my best friend. I have issues with my boyfriends getting closed to my best friend due to being cheated on with my first boyfriend with another of my best friends. I decided to walk away if he won't stop talking to her. He agreed to. I stayed because I fell in love with him and I no longer felt like I could walk away from him. Anyway, with all the credits and all the work that I could not drop (at least not without being able to graduate on time), I dropped the ball on being the appreciative girlfriend. I tried being there for him when he was sick and stress but he felt like I wasn't there all the time.

 

What broke the straw on the camel's back was 2 weeks ago. His project was failing. I had too much work to do again and my best friend was leaving me to go to another country for work. I felt like he was growing to resent me and that we were slowly drifting into the friend category and no longer boyfriend/girlfriend. So he pre-empted me on the breaking up issue. I wanted to get back together with him the next day but he rejected due to him not being able to physically handle loving me and how it is unfair for me b/c he felt like he wasn't the guy for me.

 

Anyway, he asked if we could be friends afterwards but I declined and entered into NC. Anyway, after deciding to listening to my emotional side, I decided to call him up so we can have one last chat and see if we can fix things. He said no, b/c we would continue like this for another month and a half and end it. It wouldn't be fair for the both of us. He kept on reiterating on how much he loves and cares for me and was trying not to cry. I was restraining myself from crying till I got home. He said that maybe one day, when he feels like he no longer resents me, we could try again. After this, i wrote an email thanking him for the last two years and wishing him the best of luck and I entered into NC again.

 

Please help! I really do want him back...he is the first guy to ever make me feel anything and i know he still loves me.

[sada88]

Also, I know he is in great amount of pain too. His house is full of things I've given him over the years and he won't place them away. He has been spending most of his time in his work place trying to figure about me and constantly thinking about me when he isn't doing things. But at the same time, he feels relieved because he no longer feels guilty about hurting me.

[dyna]

how can he say he loves you and then says he resents you if i had a partner who said they resent me id be glad im not with them sorry but that guy is wrong soo so wrong to treat you like he has. stick to NC and never let him back in .

[inglesia]

That sucks. Sounds like situational things pulled you guys apart. If you want to get him back you should first figure out how you're going to make things be able to work in your current situation. If you think you can't ask him if he's open to trying things again in the future when you have more time. Honestly though life is stressful in general and you both would need tools to cope with this even if you were in a different situation. You may have to get over him and I'm sure there's other guys out there who like asian girls who play video games...

[sada88]

@Dyna: Thing is, he is one of those people that are never able to let the little things go. And I don't address the issues that lead to our argument. We address them a couple days later but always from my point of view never his. So I can understand where his resentment began. But I am sticking to NC though. The problem is that we both have mutual friends. Thank you for reading and giving advice though

 

@Inglesia: I'm going to give him time to settle with his master's program. If he wants me, he can find me. He already has one of his closest friends tracking my every move without my friend noticing. lolz I gave up video games the moment I got into law school though... He keeps on telling me that we can try again in the future, after he finishes his PHD in biology and I get my JD/MBA degree. And he no longer "resents" me. I'm giving him as much as space and time he wants. But thank you though