Coming to terms

[notgivingup]

I just read an article and the topic of the article was the birth order affects one's love life. I don't know how to react after reading this article. Is this actually true? Has this actually come true for any of you? Is it applicable in real life? Hmm, I wonder. I am an only child, only child are well known for being dependable and reliable and its perfect love match is the baby of the family, someone who is well known for their spontaneity and romantic side. It has make me come to realize the reason why I was so dating with R and it has got me started on thinking on the fact that "it is truly a shame that we are over", even though both of us have contributed to the break up. With that said, it has also got me started on thinking on breaking NC with him to see how he is doing and how he is doing without me. I know that I should not break NC just to satisfy my own curiosity cuz it would not benefit me. That if he wanted to tell me something, I should not have to ask, he would just voluntarily get a hold of me or something to that effect.

 

I have also come to the realization that problems are starting to creep up in my relationship with N. I do not feel like N and I are on the same page and I can no longer keep the little things that bother me about him from affecting what we have. I know that he is a super busy guy, that sometimes his life is so crazy swamped with work and I need to be considerate with that but I also think he needs to be considerate of my feelings as well. Perhaps I cannot stand to have someone who is that busy to be in my life friend wise or not. I know we should take things slow and be friends but if I cannot stand him having such a happy life now is there a chance we could be something more in the future? I can no longer draw the line between what I should and should not share or discuss with him. That in turn is creating a gap between the two of us. I know that this is my fault and not his. I like the fact that he thinks in simple terms but it bothers me that he think of what we have in terms that are too simple to my liking. Yes, I can feel like I am special to him at times like he thinks and says that I am. But I feel like there are more times when I feel like he does not think that I am special, that I am just his friend. He does not tell his friends about me and he also feels like it is too early for me to tell my friends about him too. He is making me feel quite insecure because he has not been in touch with me as often as he normally would (due to the fact) that he had to spend time with family and due to his problematic cell phone). I am quite confused as to what to do with him. I feel like there is a gap between us and it is widening. And there is nothing I can do about it.

 

I have this friend, someone I will refer to as D. I have known him for a few years and he knows me well. He has told me that I am someone will depends on my significant other for happiness, that I am too emotional for my own good and that I am someone who is too emotional for him to handle if and when I become his girlfriend (he says he is thinking about it). He says that I am cute, caring, is hardworking and someone who never gives up and he calls those good qualities. We live quite far apart from each other but we manage to find time to see each other. We both got out of a relationship not too long ago. He has made me realized that I have trouble letting go and moving on, and that I need to learn how to let go and move on. I do feel like I am making progress letting on and moving on physically, but not emotionally. I still do not know what to do when memories of my exes and I comes back to haunt it, it just overwhelms me in a deep abyss of darkness and sadness. I feel like I have lost control of my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and my mind. Naturally tears come down my face, a nagging pain fills my heart, I feel hollow, lonely and empty inside. It is in times like that that I feel the weakness when I realized I am not as strong and healed as I thought I am. How do I let go and move on both physically and emotionally? I do not want my relationship to be a rebound.

 

Memories of R and I were still bothering me as I was on my way to work and it basically ruined the beginning of my day. Remnants of the memories with me and my other previous boyfriends from yesterday were still at the back of my mind as well. The fact that there are problems with N, at home, with friends and even at work did not make my situation better.

 

I am happy and grateful for what I have though and I try to focus on that instead and appreciate all the stuff that I do have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I try to have more faith and happiness in my life and I want to aim high.

 

Any suggestions, comments, opinions, advice, previous experiences that you want to share are welcomed. I would like to say thank you and I really appreciate your input ahead of time.

[John Cage]

I am not sure how the "order of birth" can play that much of a role because some middle child are more spoiled than only child and baby child might be mature and responsible depending on the situation in the family. If there is a tendency, it's probably a very very small tendency. That being said, I find that "personality types" actual play a big role in who's a good match for you. Almost every single girl that I have ever dated is INTP or INTJ (Jung's personality test)). I am ENTJ and those two happen to be my best matches. I am not talking about one gf or two, I literally meant ALMOST EVERYONE that I dated for more than a month is either INTP or INTJ (I said "almost" because there are people who I forgot to test

[thejigsup]

I am "the baby" in my family. I am the only one who is employed or who went beyond high school. I am definitely the most mature and the "leader of the pack". That birth order thing is nonsense. I am also not romantic at all. I am funny, kind, and caring, but definitely not romantic.