Interracial: Race??? Parents Dont Approve

[confused33]

Im really upset with my parents, lately I have to admit Ive bounced from relationship to relationship. I really found a guy that it might work with for a while. I really enjoy his company, and he makes me so happy, hes always willing to talk to me at night if I have a problem with anything and he always laughs at my jokes. The only issue is he is Filipino and my parents really dont approve of inter racial dating. I dont know why this is such a problem Im caucasian and hes filipino but hey he makes me happy. So I just need to hear some advice on trying to get my parents to understand that this guy makes me happy and thats what I care about right now.

[TehNomad]

Normally, I wouldn't be so obstinate, but that is really bad. If you find happiness with someone of a different racial background, there IS nothing wrong with that, and nobody is allowed to tell you there is. Not even parents are omniscient.

 

All you can do is talk in a very calm environment with either of both of you parents and put your view accross that you are happy. That's the most important thing, isn't it?! I'm not sure how disapproving they are, but if you are on good terms with them they really should understand what you are saying, if nothing else.

[tiger_lilies]

Your parents are trying to protect you from problems that could potentially develop when dating someone of a different race. I am Asian (Chinese and Korean) and most of my boyfriends have always been of a different race (Caucasian, Filipino, etc.) I think I've only ever dated one Chinese guy and he turned out to be a loser!

 

My advice is to keep hanging out with whoever you want, regardless of their race. Your parents love you and even though they may not appove of him, the more great things you share with your parents about him, hopfully they will come around to liking him for who he is, not what race he is.

 

Has he met them yet? Maybe they need to talk to him and judge for themselves.

[confused33]

Thank you for the good advice, it made me mad to hear from my parents that they wouldnt approve of me dating someone that is filipino. Hes a great guy, and very nice and the past two weeks I have been happy because he is there and shows me that he cares. It makes me sick and mad at the same time to think that my parents are raciest in that way. Although I know their deep southern folk so hey maybe they shouldnt have raised me so open mindedly (if thats a word).

Thanks for the advice....

[k33]

If you've dated a lot of people recently it might be that over the race thing... They might just be pulling the race card instead. I have to say though at the end of the day it isn't anyone elses business who you like.

 

It is horrible when nice people feel that way though, it's like a betrayl. A friend of mine her boyfriend of two years dumped her after visiting family, because she is black... he is white. He knew she was black, his family knew she was black... but once it got serious they put thier foot down... and she ended up so hurt. There are only two things you can't do a thing about... color of your skin and sexual orientation. People need to just relax.

 

I hope your parents ease up and the relationship goes well.

[mahlina]

Hello,

 

I know how you feel. My parents were like that before, even though I'm not caucasian. They don't disapprove me in dating caucasians, but were against me dating my last ex, who happened to be hispanic. Anyway, to get to the point: do what you want to do. If it's your happiness, then don't listen to them. Your life is yours. They don't own it. Sooner or later, when you're at the age to marry, they'll just have to accept whoever it is that you marry. Because #1, it's your life, and they should not have any say in who you love. Afterall, love surpasses all. His skin color or ethnic origin should not matter. Treat him like any guy that you would date. Get to know him for who he is. Try not to let your parent's words affect you too much. That's a part of you developing your own self image. Find your happiness. Much props to you girl. -Mahlina

 

P.S.- Btw, I have Phillipino friends as well. If you ever want to surprise him and say something cute and sweet to him, here's a cute line: "Mahalo kita." It means "I love you." You can say it in a cute way so that it doesn't sound too serious too soon. Just something to surprise him. Take Care.

[bruind]

mahalo kita

 

correction: thats MAHAL KITA

 

 

[Roffler]

Did I miss the part where private matters stayed private, and people minded their own business, unless being asked to butt in?

 

I guess I'm old fashioned...way to go parents

[josietsui]

I was searching for some solace on the web when i came accross these posts. I can totally sympathize! I am Chinese and am currently in a relationship with a Fillipino, and although they're both Asian in origin, they're far enough apart that my dad doesn't approve.

 

To make a long story short, my dad is pretty aggressive. My dad found out i was seeing him through spying on me, stealing my journal and reading it, following and stalking me and checking up and confirming my stories. It's HUGELY stressful . You're always trying to be the good kid yet they always see you as disobedient. On top of that, it's hard to be 100% committed to the relationship when in the back of your mind, your parent's last lecture is circling through your ears. As a result, you can't do anything properly, be the good kid, or the good partner.

 

It becomes more of a debate between following your parents wishes or follwoing your own life. You know that you will eventually gain your freedom, but how old do you have to be before you're allowed to make your own decisions? It's gotten so bad in my life I've lost 10 pounds, can't sleep, eat or function at work. On top of that, dad has been blackmailing, bribing and breaking promises, anything to do to make me to stop seeing him.

 

When it comes down to it, I've been brainstorming like mad for alternative solutions. For example, my dad refuses to meet him, so I never introduced them, but it's gotten so bad, i had my boyfriend surprise visit my dad, and it actually went very well. It broke the misconceptions that he's a pimp and that he's actually a really nice guy. There's all these issues about respect and the proper way to do things. I think if my dad had it his way, guys would be lining up to see him asking "Sir, may i have the pleasure of asking you your daughter's hand in a date?" Brainstorm brainstorm brainstorm! don't throw out any ideas! Keep them for future reference and try them one by one!

 

Listen to yourself. What is your heart telling you? I spent the whole first two months of my relatinoship scrouging people for advice and looking for a way out of my mess. What I really needed was time to myself and just think.

 

Lastly, what are you willing to part with? maybe with sacrifices your parents will see how important this relationship is. I had my cell phone, car, and financial support all cut (i'm still living at home) it was getting to the point of affecting my school. I was contemplating moving out which would mean that I couldn't afford school, which is when they were starting to listen.

 

I am far from an expert on the subject, but I"m living through it right now and it's a pain in the royal rear. Don't let anybody tell you how you're suppose to live your life and ultimately, you're going to need to make a decision which you will be happy to live with. Yes your parents don't have any business in your private life but from a different cultured background, I understand that you can't just tell them to mind their own business, it only escalates the situation.

 

What I think people in our situation really search for is emotional independence, where our parents can trust us that we make great decisions in our lives and part of the problem is these parents are so mistrustful of everything including their kids and their parenting skills. The problem is we're not questioning their parenting skills, we are questioning our own ability to make our own decisions.

 

Goodluck. I hope things goes well. It's not necessarily going to be easy.

Email me if you have any concerns. monkeyceemonkeydo@yahoo.ca