I think I saw my ex today with another guy

[Nappyloxs]

I was at the park today with a group of people. It was a beautiful day out and everyone goes to the park during the day. So I am playing volleyball and I just happen to look to my right where people walk. Just checking people out. I see this girl looking at me with sunglasses on. Mind you, she is easily 100 feet away. Actually I don't know if she was looking at me because of the sunglasses, but it sure seemed like it. Anyway, she had the same height and figure of my ex. same hair color, etc... Anyway, I notice her and I also notice she is walking with a dude and she is walking a dog.

 

Besides that fact that this girl very much resembled my ex, and was definitely looking in my direction, the guy she was with confirms it even more. My ex. likes black guys, this guy was black and definitely in shape (as is my ex). (aka her type of guy I have come to realize).

 

Now, the part of being with another guy isn't the part that really hurts. I expect that, but yes it does sting a little. What hurts more is that it may have been her. I could not think straight for the next few hours wondering if that was really her. Thinking about her clothes and does she have those clothes, etc....

 

Just screwed me up, plus I am hung over from last night so my mind isn't the strongest right now.

 

ENA, I am so tired of loving this girl. I know I still love her very much, but I am tired of it. She isn't her, she used me and played me, and just hurt me so many times. I shouldn't even love her.

 

My life is great. I have terrific new friends. I have a life. I go out and meet women every weekend. This week was fantastic except for Monday (there is another thread on how she texted me on Monday with the "how are you." Now I am thinking she did it because she has this new guy and basically wanted to rub it in, but I did not hold a conversation).

 

I honestly feel I deserve someone. Why can't I really find someone new. Yes, I meet women, but nothing materializes. It's so confusing. I don't still love her because I have meet someone new, I haven't meet someone new because I love her still.

 

How is it possible for me to still love her so much? Love isn't suppose to be like this. I have accepted that of course I will always love her to some degree. I accepted that it will take some time for me to complete move on, but why do I still love her so much. Just the thought that it was her has made my heart have power over my mind again. I can literally just feel how much love I still have for her in my chest. Why won't this bleeding stop? Why can't I find someone new who I can instead give this love too and would appreciate it? Most days I don't feel lonely and enjoy being single. But at this moment, I feel alone, weak, and just sad.

 

I loved this girl with all my heart. I read a quote yesterday that summed up my relationship. "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they got."

 

Sometimes I wish there was some force where she will feel how much I love her, realize that she was wrong, and threw away something special, and realize how much she loves me also. But that is just a dream.

 

Talk about having it bad. I am about to listen to the usher song for the rest of the day, because that is just how I feel.

[Nappyloxs]

Took a nap, still feeling like crap. Now the guy part is kind of settling in. So it is hurting a bit more.

 

I am find a little positivity out of the situation. Like it may not have been her and that even if it was her, she saw me with this huge group of people both men and women (like 30-40 people), playing volleyball, and just other women around. So if it was her, maybe she is thinking which one may have been my girlfriend/date.

 

The good thing is I am going out with a good group of friends tonight who have known me since ex and I moved out here. I am not telling them that I think I saw her, but at least I know they will definitely be entertaining.

 

The funny thing was I read my ex's weekly horoscope (Cancer). It said on Sunday (tomorrow), she should reach out to an ex. or make love to someone new. Absolutely certain it will be the latter

The healing process continues.

[WildChild]

Glad to know I'm having an interesting day tomorrow, I need some spice in my life....I'm a Cancer! LOL (BTW, If you're into astrology a lot of things are going on right now, so stay extra cool and collected until April 23rd.)

 

Ugh, I can't imagine the feeling you had today, like a dead stop in your tracks. One thing that you should realize, even if you have said it, is you can't say for positive it was her. If you were asked in court, 100% without a doubt, was that your ex? You couldn't answer it 100% true, because you're not sure. Just think if it wasn't, and you're putting all this thought, and sadness, etc. into your heart and mind and then you find out it wasn't, ya know? As haaarrrddd as it is, do not weigh down your heart or mind with this. I know it's hard not to, but really try to think of something positive for yourself.

 

Yes of course you know she could be dating, or went on dates, etc. but if you tell yourself this, and keep telling yourself this, if and when you know that for sure she is, yes it's still going to be hard but you've prepared yourself a little. Keep telling yourself that you too, you yourself are getting out there, and wanting to meet people, someone who is going to value you and love you for all that you are and not for what they can get or take from you. Love is not easy, heartache is not easy. If it wasn't love, it wouldn't hurt. So you know you gave yourself, you know you loved her, you know that you would have given her all you could've, but she didn't realize what she had with you, nor appreciated it. All of those things deserve to go to someone who will love and give back just as much, put you above themselves if and when needed, comfort and care for you, and love you as much as you love back. And appreciate you. You deserve a partnership. It's ok to hurt, or to miss her. It's ok if one day you're good, and the next day you're not. You've made SOOOOO much progress over the last few months, and this week alone? Daaanggg, you should have bruises on your back for all the pats you've gotten!!!

 

Here's something to think about, and I know you deleted the number...there are ways to get it back though. If this is something that you don't want to go through again, and you are ready or prepared to do it, text (or email her) and tell her to not contact you again. That's it, nothing more. You don't need to give any reasons, or explanations, and you don't want to....you will NOT give her the satisfaction of knowing anymore of your thoughts, feelings, whereabouts, whoyou'vedones, NOTHING. Cut her out of your life completely if you are afraid that any time she decides she wants to do a curtain call, this is what's going to happen to you. You look out for YOU! She certainly hasn't, nor has been, nor is right now. You do what is going to be best for YOU.

 

Keep writing here, keep doing what you're doing, lay off the sauce a little bit because it magnifies and makes things worse...or keep it very limited in how much you are drinking, plus you feel like sh*t afterwards, keep meeting with friends, keep dating but no rebound relationships to get yourself past it, keep your head on work, learn Salsa or the Mamba, go fly a kite in a park, go sit by the lake and listen to the wind, the birds, etc. Cry if you need to and as much as you need to, but do all of these things to cleanse yourself and rid the sadness and hurt you feel from her.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks wildchild, you have read my mind again. I have final reached the point where the mind is clear and in control it is the heart that sometimes screws things up.

 

I am a sagitarius to a T. Water signs put out fire signs and that is true in my case.

 

Yes, I am trying to tell myself it wasnt her, but this girl had the exact same figure as my ex. Plus, my ex is into black guys and guys in shape. (i am black and slim. At the end she was complaining how I need to workout etc...).

 

No, I dont know if it was for sure her, and that is what kind of makes it worst. It wasnt as bad as the text. The text sent my heart racing and made my legs weak. I was walking to the car a few minutes later and remember feeling my legs were going to give out on me. Today, I kind of just zoned out, but was playing volleyball so I just lacked attention think of her clothes, her walk, etc... Trying to figure out if it was her.

 

I am trying to tell myself it wasnt. Definitely never contacting her even to tell her not,to contact me.

 

I was just speaking with my mom, telling her about today and just how I am happen in my life except for this. I am not totally free or happy as long as my heart still feels for my ex. I do feel like I deserve someone special. I feel like I have a lot of love to give to someone who does deserve it. I am not going to do a rebound relationship, I am too picky with women. I am 31 and have only been in 3 relationships each at least 2 years. I never had those monthly relationships.

 

My thoughts.now have switched to this topic. So it has switched to me, my mind is in control again which is good. Shot I would be happy right now just meeting a girl I am actually interested in for more than a date or two.

 

I feel like the next girl would be so lucky. She would get all my ex rejected. I am not a bad guy that my ex thinks I am.

 

Definitely need to lay off the vodka. I did meet this girl last night who was beautiful, told her that, and then my drunk butt was at a lost for words. Usually does not happen. So I just need to remind myself of last night. I know I am attractive, a lot of women check me out, and I usually hold a good conversation with them. They play their dating games and I am cool with that. Wildchild, here is my problem right now when it comes to other women. I am so drained from giving it all to my ex, that I just dont even really want to try and play/chase/Pursue/whatever other women. Being single and dating takes a whole different type of energy. As much as I like going out and flirting with women, after that I don't care. I am (was) happy doing that. I gave this girl everything I had to get her back since August 2009. That's almost 1.5 years. I am tired, maybe even lack confidence after the "getting the number", may I am selfish and just enjoy my freedom (the sag in me). Maybe I am just not ready.

 

(sorry for the spelling typing from the phone)

[WildChild]

Just rambling thoughts...........I don't think you're being selfish wanting to be single, and for many reasons. Relationships take a LOT of work in and amongst itself alone...let alone dating? The meeting people, feeling them out, getting to know them, etc. Yeah, it's fun meeting someone and the excitement of a 'possibility', but I totally get the no energy. I'm at that point right now myself, and quite honestly like not having to worry about, or deal with anyone else. I have too much everyday life things to worry about, that I don't want to worry about anyone else, or their feelings, or what they want or don't want....now THAT'S selfish LOL!!! I'm actually taking it as a positive, because I'm not putting up with any crap from potential dates or men I'm meeting, and it brings me to a place of not putting out energy and effort to someone who isn't either. I know what I want and if I see any red flags right away, no more benefit of the doubt, it's over...no more dates, or whatever. If I don't hear from them, they don't hear from me. I no longer suggest doing anything, I let them do it. If they don't, then I say "Oh well" So my blase' attitude of "If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't' really has saved me a lot lately, A LOT. For once it feels good to not be wearing my heart on my sleeve, or caring if someone actually likes me or not...if that makes sense. And it's not something that I normally do or who I am, this just seems to have been brought on by itself with this last guy I was dating, and remained friends with after until a month ago. Maybe that's where you're at too? And being single really isn't bad at all, if anything it gives us more power, ability, and no restrictions to do what we want...no one to answer to but ourselves and God, and not being responsible for anyone else but ourselves (I have kids so that doesn't pertain to them..only in the dating aspect do I mean LOL) I just met a guy a few weeks back, friends have been trying to set us up for over a year....right now a friendship sounds so refreshing that if nothing comes out of it, I could care less. No sex, not 'formalities', nothing....just hanging and having fun. But I mirror what he does....if I don't hear from him, I do the same. If he goes MIA in a convo, the next time I hear from him I don't always respond. I still have to guard myself, I don't know what his intentions are....when in doubt trust nothing or no one LOL

 

So I have to ask, did you start working out? Not by means to get her back (how they say do something different with yourself), but what a flipping shock she will get or would get when she sees you next and you're even more buff? Wouldn't THAT be a "Yup, and it's off limits to yooouuuu!" slap in her face LOL

[Nappyloxs]

That is exactly how I felt last sunday. The selfish not wanting to please anyone is part of the process I guess. Word for word is exactly how I feel. I dont want to plan dates, worry about impressing someone, nothing.

 

I use to workout a lot (actually when we met.) I think it was just winter and gettinf use to My new job. I will start working out again probably tomorrow. I am kind of lucky were it does take long to get back in shape.

 

I will keep you posted. Just running out the door

[Nappyloxs]

So I wrote her an email. Just laying everything out. It isn't the nicest email. Basically says she is screwed up, I know why she is screwed up, she will never change, I love my life, so leave me the hell alone unless she has changed for real.

 

I want to send it. But I am not going too. I have sent her enough emails. Although, I really want to send it, I know the reasons why are to hope to get a response, but not expect one, to see if it was really her yesterday, to let her know I still care about her, to let her know the door is always cracked, to tell her off, to tell her to leave me alone, to let her know I am actually doing great without her and probably another 100 reasons.

 

I am NC, actions speak louder than words. I am not going to resort to her level anymore. Sending the email would only momentarily feel good and rewarding.

 

So I woke up today just feeling angry. I can't explain it, I am just angry that I still love her. Not throwing stuff, or anything angry, just mad at this thing called love. Just mad I haven't fully moved on and have found someone to replace her.

[jonesyjakk]

dont send it!! if your nc dont send it dude! you're gonna go through all the emotions, sad, angry, hurt, the lot......the more emails you send the longer its gonna take you....just focus on you, regardless.

 

 

good luck

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks jonesy, I dont plan on sending it. Kind of like bungelo thread. I keep a journal through emails, but I do not put her email address in (dont want to accidently send it).

 

I have sent her 100s of emails over the last 17 months. I learned that she has only respond to maybe 3 at most and they don't do anything.

 

Definitely, going to focus on my today. Shot, I have to do my taxes so that will keep me busy.

[jonesyjakk]

cool man,

 

im glad you're not gonna send it, keep the journal thats fine, but just focus on you now....good for you dude keep it up

 

 

Jonesy

[Nappyloxs]

Sorry the phone wont let me edit.

 

I wrote it because I had to get my feelings and the negative energy out. I write emails because I have written her hundreds, so it is like a habit, but I stopped sending them. Today's a little harder after yesterday, but still I have to stay strong and challenge myself not to. Its time like this that make one proud of keeping Nc.

[Nappyloxs]

Ugh. I am in a funk today. I cannot get motivated to do anything and it does not help that it is cold and snowing for some odd reason. Maybe I just need some rest and relaxation and my mind will be fresh later.

[Nappyloxs]

Made it through the day and did not send the email. Proud of myself. Otherwise was a blah day. I havent really had one of these it feels like for a while. I know yesterday set me back, and today I went through all emotions, hate, anger, love, caring, whatever. It doesnt matter anymore how I feel towards her. She is not in my life. well I am ready for tomorrow's adventure to begin.

[jonesyjakk]

oh man its hell of an adventure getting over an ex....make sure you take time, become a better person....how ya doing today nappy?

[gallop30]

i hope you won the volleyball game. if there was a wuss calendar for 2011,i'm pretty sure you would make a may issue.

[Nappyloxs]

Yes, we won the game. Fyi, everyone plays volleyball out here in spring and summer, beer, babes and sun. Great way of meeting people. I live in the most outdoorsy city in america.

 

Jonesy, honesty I was doing crappy this morning. Already have a headache. I emailed her this morning just to find out if it was really her. Asked if she was there walking a dog. She was without a dog.

 

Now why all this fuss?. Well my ex never had a rebound relationship per se. She did date a guy for a few months, but it wasnt a boyfriend and I never saw then together. My ex also kind of struggled with the breakup, so that is why it screwed me all up.

 

Although I was hoping to her it was her with her new boyfriend (i felt like that would have helped me). Although it wasnt it still has helped because now my imagination is not running wild.

[Nappyloxs]

Man, I feel totally great now. We had a little chat, she again asked how I was doing and I asked her why does she care all of a sudden. She said she didn.t know. I told her I am doing great, having fun, bought a new car. (the truth until sat.) Her response (and I should note I did not ask how she was), she is staying active and having fun. I ended the conversation saying she has always been active (shoot she has ocd), thanks for answering my question nice chatting with her, but I got to get back to work.

 

That was all an hour ago. Now I feel great again. Feel like I kept my composure, told her I dont need, and goodbye all on my terms. I also found her answer of staying active having fun, ena advice. (so I got a little chuckle out of it).

 

Next move is on her. I am back to nc.

[Hobbes]

Hey Nappy

 

I sent my ex an email in March. A bad one. It was the kind of email you send just after you break up and regret it. It wasn't one of those 'Oh we had an amazing time and I will never forget you and wish you all the happiness yadda yada' - it was the other side of the spectrum, where you unleash it all - list all their faults and tell them what you knew that they do not know you know (weird sentence), but I do not regret it. There is no way she could ever answer it. Before that everything - brought about by her new contact - was civilised. But I got sick of it, more eggshells, more mutual posturing so it was time to stop it.. was driving me a bit nuts. Anyways be careful with feeling good after corresponding, I went through that too but then had to really question it. I hope you get what you want but please tread with caution on this. I treated my whole recontact with severe nonchalance and eventually she told me she didn't want to lose me but had a boyfriend and that was the killer blow that made me end any hope of us talking again. She was probably doing to him what she did to me and others, one hand in one relationship, one hand in the next. Not going to be that guy. Hopefully you won't be either.