ferna3069 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 my relationship ended almost a month ago.ether i would contact my ex or she would contact me.yesterday i called her because we had plans to do stuff. but she usualy does not follow threw. i told her that im done with mind games.every time we talked she would get mean. she tried getting me jelous. when i talked to her i told her i cant do this any more. i told her that she hurts my feelings. we started to talk and it went from me telling her that i am going to do nc to telling her if you are going to call me i want respect. over night i thought about it. i wanted her to know i was been serios so i told her give it a month. we where together for two years four months.when i told her that in the morning she asked why i wanted this i told her i need time to heal.she said if thats what you wish. forty mins after the convesation she texted me and said sorry wrong person. i know she did it on purpose because she has never done that.i did not answer, my thought and feelings during the time i told her no contact went from feeling regret to feeling free.because i know i was not the one who ended the relationship.it hurts that we arnt together.she went from been the sweetest girl i met to mean and bitter in a week. i deleted her of facebook and she got mad. i tried been there for her but she gets deffensive.i tried telling her we cant be friends and she gets offended. she gets mad because she wants me in her life. she does not want to let go out of something she ended.i explained to her i took her of face book not to be mean but because i need to heal. during the month that we talked she gave me so many mixed signals that i will post tommorw. day two of nc. i will post my thought and feelings every day instead of calling her. she does not know about this site.and i will like you the reader to tell me what you think Link to comment
dramallama Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think that because of the break up emotions are running high between you. You can't force someone to respect you or WANT to talk to you or act a certain way. Because of those expectations you have, instead of trying to change her, it's best that you are going NC, because you can't be friends with an ex anyway. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 day one of no contact. i woke up heart broken. i hated the pain. but i thought to myself im free im not going to hear from her. why feel bad if she was the one to break it up?there was times i thought to myself. why is she been so weird. why does she want me in her life so bad? i did not want to read to much into it so i went to the gym. the jim helped me out alot. i feel better. i thought of her when i was over there. but exersising kept me busy. it hurts so bad at times but nothing i cat get over Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 day two of no contact. i woke up heart broken agian. i woke up and just started watching tv. i did not go to the gym today since im going to go every other day. today i thought about everything that happened. and i know its not my fault. im looking at the big picture.and thought to myself. the fights wert always me. alot of them where hers to. i always helped her out. i guess thats one of the reasons i felt bad. i was always there for her. and i wanted to be there for the break up. but i thought to myself. if im there for her who will be there for me?she might get over me but when am i going to get over her?i guess it is time for her to see life with out me. it might be better or it might not.i still wonder though. why coudlnt she be the one to let me go? i remember telling her i need to heal. i guess she just did not want to understand. today im thinking to myself. i love her but if she really loves me she will come back. i cant put my life on hold. i know that she told me to keep the things she gave me just incase. but then she told me not to wait. ether way im not going to wait im going to live life.there is times i miss her so much. wonder what she is doing. but im not going to go into facebook to find out. im happy i deleted her. she got mad but hey what reason does she have? right now im not part of her life. and she isnt part of mine. i did think about how she changed and wonderd why she changed now. one of the problems was that when i went to visit her. all we ate was boxed food now she cooks every day. and she lost her accent that i likes so much now she has it. i dont get why she just did not do this to begin with. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 day three of no contact. still wake up heart broken. i wish this pain would stop. the break up was almost a month ago. i miss her so much. but she did me wrong. she did not cheat on me. but before the break up she started to talk bad about me. then she has the nerves to call and tell me im going to be in her life.she did not call today. im talking about the time she called. i dont know what she wants from me. she kept saying she wants to be friends. and yet she gets mad when i need to let go. today i woke up and watched tc the whole day. i thought about her 70 percent of the time. i have mixed feelings. but i know at the end everything will be better Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 day four of no contact. i woke up. was not that heart broken any more.i ate and i went to look for a job. i was going to go to the gym but my brother told me to wait for him. so we can on his day off.i came home and in the way home i started to miss my ex like crazy. it hurt so bad. i do not know why it poped out in my head. i thought to myself i dont get it why did this happen to me? when i was the one to protect her.when i was in my way home i went to the grocery store . because latly i havent got my appetite back completely.so im trying to eat more and more. until i can eat and not feel bad. today i felt the pain go from me been strong to hurting. i was thinking to myself. she did me wrong by talking about me. she could not tell me what the problem was. she just ran to her mom.then she calls and tells me she wants me i her life. i went from not wanting her in my life. to missing her so much and wanting her back. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 day five of no contact. i woke up heart broken. i do not have the need to call her. because if she wanted to talk she would call even though i told her no contact. today i felt down. but i went to the gym . i feel better.today i though to myself. i know an ex is an ex. even though i not beg even though i was not trying to be mean. why do they become mean? i was not the one to end it. besides if she had a problem before . why could she just not say what was in her mind? i never beat her or called her names.im getting over that the more days that pass threw Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 day six of no contact. i did not wake up heart broken today. i felt ok . i went out to look for a job. on my way back i started to think about my ex. i miss her so much. but im not waiting for her to contact me. i feel like im letting go. but im scared to.today i wonderd why i felt heart broken in the afternoon. i had my day going ok. and then i startedd to miss her Link to comment
sentencedtoagony Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 You are doing well. It's not easy sometimes, but keep it up. I'm on day 11 myself. Link to comment
dramallama Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 It's scary to accept that it's over, and it comes little by little. It is scary because you are letting go of the future, and also you are scared that you might not love them if they come back. Link to comment
sentencedtoagony Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Our that the 'magic' might not be there in the unlikely probability of reconciliation. Link to comment
MasterPo Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Stay strong and remember that ALOT of us were exactly where you are at and we managed. Just to entertain you; I did alot of things to keep my mind off of her. I traveled alot but it got lonely and I would would stop and spend freezing hours thinking about her and us and whatever. I started exercising; it got old but I forced myself to walk twice a day. Didn't matter the weather, I'd get up and walk to the corner - then to the wall - then to - etc. Got up to four miles a session. It helped me so much. When I got tired of walking and the weather, it was snowing when we broke up and winter set upon my little burg, I would find a set of stairs and walk up and down. Be as creative as you want. I read alot about breakups and strategies and whatever. Some gave me hope. Some just made it worse. I find that writing or talking to yourself if nobody wants the chore - believe me after the first 34 times they tend to avoid you - helped me through some rough patches. Emo rollercoaster is a great term for it. I'm almost done, the coaster is skidding to a painful stop and all I have to do it step off but I'm not quite there yet. Soon though and so will you! Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 day seven of no contact. i woke up. watched tv the whole day. my brother and i where suppose to go to the gym together but we did not. when i woke up i started to hurt a little. today i thought to mysef if i was been selfish by doing no contact.the reason we broke up is because she told me she did not feel comfterable in her own skin. she was abused as a kid. i told her i would be there for her as a friend. but every time she would talk to me she woudl get mean.at first i wanted to get back with her.because she would give me mixed signals. i always protected her. i did always respect her decision. i did not beg . but like i said she woud get mean. she tried getting me jelous. with a man who is married. she did this when we first met.she would get mean and get mad and get mad over randonm stuff.so i told her i could not do this anymore.i did not want her to be mean. she started to cry and asked me if she was ever going to se me agian. i told her only if she is nice to me.i dont expect her to be like my gf. but i also dont want her been mean. because friends arnt mean to each other. we actualy started talking. i told her what i felt about her been mean.every thing that hurt my feelings she appoligized.then i told her to call as long as she is not mean. then i call her the next morning and tell her that i need a month to heal. she ask me why.she did not want to understand.i did not do this to get her back or to be mean. but now i feel like i should be there for her. like she needs a friend to talk to. i dont know im confused because not many people have had this situation before Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 day eight of no contact. woke up was heart broken. today i was confused. i felt bad for not talking to my ex. then i looked at the big picture. i went from feeling bad to been mad.i thought to myself. i never hurt my ex . i was always there for her. but the way she treated me. after.i was thinking of how she would be so mean and defensive.i thought about how she always talked about her mom. and when her mom talked about her i would be there for her. i thought about how her mom treated me so bad. just because i told her that i did not know if i can be friends with her, i thought about how she treated me like crap. i thought about how she got so mad at me because i deleted her of face book. when i told her it was to heal.i thought of so many things. and yet i dont get why its so hard to let go. there is times i feel better about it. but its getting to me and it hurts. something i noticed that made me feel better is that i vent. i talked about it . and i whent to gym.im going to try to leave the house more. because been stuck in here takes my mind to the break up and it hurts.the more i go out the better i would feel because i would not be distracted. thank you every one that posted. it helps alot when you guys share.because i feel like this feeling is normal Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 day nine of no contact. i woke up heart broken. today i thought of everthing. of how i felt bad. then angry. i try getting my feelings in control because i have never ever gone threw a break up like this. im making plans to be able to let go faster. i will not stay depressed. im not going to fight this feelings. the more i fight it the longer it takes to let go.im going to go with it. but im going to keep busy. im going to stay away from the computer longer. im going to go to the gym every day. one day to work on my stomach the other to work on my legs. im going to look for a job every day. im done with staying home the whole day. im not going to wait for her. there is times where i feel like im letting go but times i feel like when is she going to call me. i cant let this feeling eat me inside. i have to be stornger then that i have to live life. the thing the keeps me going is my future. i think about the time when i can have my own family. it does not have to be with her. hapiness happens when you least expect it. i think about coming home to a wife nd kids. im ony twenty one and to me hapiness is my family. in the future i want to have one of my own.today i thought about how hard it is to let go but its time i live my own life.im going to post here every day. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Share Posted April 11, 2011 day ten of no contact.woke up heart broken. i cant believe i was able to make it ten days with out talking to her.this is the longest we have been with out talking. today is sunday. i do not have a car. and today is the day that buses do not run. my brother whent to work and my sisters bf came to visit for the first time. today feeling alone and not been the one with my ex love. hurt so much.i cant stand been by myself. on the weekend im going to look for a job and exersize. on the weekend im going to try to get a hobby. i felt so alone today. i felt like crying. i did not know that after a month it would hurt so bad. im hoping that this feeling gos threw more. i cant handle the pain. i do not have thoughts of suicide or anything. i just hate this feeling. i did not know i can miss some one this much. as she was my first true love. i wish i can find a girl who is intrested in cuddling and spending time together. not a girl who is just into it for sex. its hard finding a girl who is nice,romantic,sweet,and caring. i know no one is perfect in this world and im far from it. but i hope i do not get another girl who had the same past as my ex. because three weeks after the break up i was going to get into a rebound relationship.but i found out she has the same passed. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 12, 2011 Author Share Posted April 12, 2011 day eleven of no contact. woke up heart broken.today i let the feelings flow threw me.the more the more i fight it the more it hurts. today i let my mind take me threw it. then i whent to the gym.the more i do the less i think about it. even though its still in my mind i know its over. nothing i can do will change it.i am thinking of her i do miss her. but you know what? it was her decision. i tried my best to make her happy. there is times that i realised i made a mistake. but if i was not worth her time to tell me what i did wrong. then why should i be here heart broken Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 day twelve of no contact. woke up heart broken.today my thoughts took me to my ex. the pain hit me so bad today. i was tempted to call her just to ask how she was doing. i wanted to hear her voice.but i did not call. i knew that they where excuses to to wanting to be with her. im not going to fall into the tempation of calling her.it hurts so bad but i am going to heal. im going to get threw this.im going to over come my feelings. i know that there is times where im going to vent . say i miss her. feel lonly. but like i met her i i can meet some one else. i know i cant hurry the process of healing . but i hope i get over it real soon Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 day thirteen of of no contact. woke up heart broken. today i started to feel like this is all in my head. i feel like she never existed. i feel the pain. but everything that happened feels more like it was all just a dream. i never had this feeling before.today i went to gym. i thougt about this in my way over there. im not sure if im starting to see reality that she will no longer be in my life. im not sure if its that or if its me mentaly blocking her out of my life. all i know is that i have no control over this. i just flow with it llke every one told me to Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 day fourteen of no contact. woke up heart broken.early i still felt like my ex is just a dream.i went to look for a job. then my mind took me to my ex. i was thinking about how we met. how we fell inlove so fast.then i started to think about the good time.i tried to take my mind of it. but i couldnt i been looking at the bad part of the relation. i guess any time soon i would of thought about the good times. atleast i can handle it alot better then the first month. even though it hurts. after i went to look for a job i went to the gym. and thats when i started thinking of her. i couldnt handle it so i went to the gym for only twenty minutes.so i went to the bus stop and i missed the last bus. i guess thats a way of god telling me not to give up on myself. since i live almost two miles away from the gym. and its uphill Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 day fifteen of no contact. woke up heart broken. today my feelings for my ex came back to me. miss her so much. but im going to get over this. i dont understand why the feelings for her came back so strong. it might of been that i did not do much today.so my thoughts just took me to her.i hope that this feelings go away soon. so i am going to stay strong. i miss her and love her. but im sure she does not feel the same. i wish the heeling processes would go threw faster Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 dat sixteen of no contact. woke up heart broken. i got over it faster today. today i thought of everything. my mind took me to her. but like i said before i tried my best to make her happy why should i feel down when she was the one to end it.today i went to the gym. then i went to target. and i have to admit going out makes me feel better. i had fun joking arond with my brother and my mom.i know there is more to life than her. i have my family who i will love from today till the day i die. they will be in my life no matter how many people i date or how many friends i loose. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 day seventeen of no contact. woke up heart broken. i really started to miss my ex today. i thought of her the whole day. ii whent out with my family. my little neace ran up to the road luckly my sister stopped her. alot of cars where passing threw. i did not know she would run that fast. when i sa how close she was to the road i freaked out. started running after her. but im happy she is ok. i can not take a heart brake like this. i love my neace like if she was my own.later on that day i was over protective. she is only 2 years old.she was on the older kid side of the playground. and would climb things so easly. she scared me so i made sure she did not fall. i thoughtof my ex the whole day. but i spend time with my family. they will always be here for me. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 day eighteen of no contact. woke up heart broken. today i was able to let go of the pain a litte more. i thought about when we fought and what we fought about.i spend the whole day playing games. waiting for my brother so we can go to the gym. he fell asleep and we did not get to go. i know this pain is going to hurt at times more then ever. but atleast i dont spend the whole day wondering how to get her back.and im not waiting by the phone for her to call. i guess this is improvement enough. im doing good. i know that i cant stop loving her from oned day to the other. same as getting over her. but if i love her for a long time. atleast i can get over her. not hurting any more. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 day ninteen of no contact. woke up heart broken. today i missed my ex. but i feel better about it. i feel like im starting to heal little by little. i thought of everything today. i know that if she did not call me during this month of no contact. why would she later?it still seems like the break up was just a dream. like the whole relationship is a dream.i wonder if its part of the healing processes.today i went no to the gym. the gym really helps with stress. it helps me think less about my ex Link to comment
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