i feel so dirty, whats wrong with me?

[ferna3069]

When I was with my ex she told me that she was raped by her dad as a kid, i met her when I was only 19 and she was 20. She was the only friend I had at the time because she would be there for me, I had no one else,we where In a long distance relationship, I told her that I wont hurt her and I told her not to ever worry about sex because it made her uncomfterable, one day we where talking about the future and she told me she wanted to have a kid the natural way, I told her I did not want to hurt her ,then she she asked me if I wanted to make love to her, I told her yes but I would not be able to for the fear of hurting her, she told me that she will be ok, so then we started talking about it and at the end of every talk she would tell me she did not want to talk about this any more. Then she would bring it up again and again, I thought it was normal because of her past, well it got to thhe point where we would talk about it, on the cam and she would start making noises, and every time she finishes she would make me feel guiltu, and if I did not want to do it she would get so mad at me, I did not know what to do so I just listened because she was the only one I had, she would bring it up more and more, then I just asked her if she was playing with herself because she just had the cam pointed at her face, and she would tell me no, but I knew she was lying because I can hear her. There was times I got into it but then I would feel guilty because she would make me feel guilty at the end,so its ether we talk about it and she would make me feel guilty or we did not do anything and she would get so mad at me, so one day I got the curage to go back home, because where I was living i was only aloud to eat once a day, so I went back to my parents house, and my gf and I would talk, but then there was times where we where on the cam, there where people walking outside my room and my room has no way to lock it, she would tell me to take of my cloth, I told her no because there is people walking around and she would keep on saying it and saying it, so I got mad and told her to stop, because I no longer felt alone, she backed up for a little, but the bad thing is that when her , her brother and her neice who is ten slept in a hotel because they went out to a party, well they where in a hotel her brother and her neice where sleeping , but she got at the age of the bed and started playing with herself, at the other side of the bed where her neice was, I got mad at her because its wrong, and she would get horny and would want to play with herself even if he had kids over her room, yes they where asleep and no she did not touch them but to me it was wrong so I wouldn’t let her do it, well it got to the point where I told her no more, she would cry and told me she wasn’t atractive, so we talked about it ,and I told her if u want to you cant make me feel bad about t any more if u do its over because I hate feeling guilty, so everything was ok for about two years until I went to go visit her for the second time, I went for a month and we would tease each other, and she started telling me she felt bad about it, then I told her not to worry we don’t have to and the second day she would want to, we made a deal not to do anything and all we would do is tease,then we stopped because of her period, one day we where cuddling and she told me that she did not feel comfterable in her own skin and she started crying and freaking out on me, then she told me she wanted to be friends, I kept asking her to get help, pretty much threw the whol relationship I told her that, but I never seen her freak out like this so I told her, she went crying her mom told me to leave her daughter alone, and I told her its not my fault shes acting like this she was mad and asked what I mean, because she did not know about what happened in her daughters childhood.she got mad at me and asked me if I thought I was going to get with her daughter by telling her that. I told her no but she really needs help, she scared me,they bought me the tiket to go back home and then her mom told me that I lost her trust for asking her daughter to have sex with me, its only been three weeks but I feel so bad for letting everything happen, now if I think about sex I feel so guilty so dirty, I met a new girl and she talked about it, I told her I couldn’t do it,I felt so uncomfterable so weird,why am I such a bad person why did I let it happen?i never wanted to hurt any one I feel like a fool

[hexaemeron]

Dump her. She is QUITE beyond your ability to help her.

[Dolce]

sounds like you have been emotionally manipulated by an absolute maniac. Personaly I think that this ex girlfriend of yours wasn't raped but loves the idea, this is a classic text book situation. She has fantasies of incest and rape and she feels guilty about it, thats why she is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't feel like the only one! maybe she was abused when she was younger and that is why she is acting so strange.

That night in the hotel with the niece is a good example of the fantasies she has in her head. I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. If she has been with a man who had less morals than you that situation could have ended up with that poor little niece of hers in a bad way. You did the right thing, you should be proud of yourself.

[Gracelove]

OMG! She's masturbating in front of children!!!!!!?!!!?!! Dump her, leave her, probably report her. That's just so wrong.

 

Stay away, farrrr away from this person. That's just wrong on so many levels.