For the broken hearted.......read this

[aftershock879]

Hello all, been awhile since I was in here, doing the same thing that everyone does reading for sucess stories of people getting back together after breaking up....It is now 2 and a half months since I broke up with my ex....if anyone knows my story then they know I was pretty cut up about it.

 

Today I am no longer the broken man I was just a few weeks ago, I took steps to get my life back on track and to be happy again.

 

It was not an easy road by any means, I lost my apeptite, I didn't want to do much and I was obessising over my ex, thinking all sorts, to be honest the whole no contact thing is a load of rubbish if you are in my situation when you have to see that person every day, but I got through it and now I am a stronger person for it, now when we talk she is angry that now I am doing so many different things than when we were together....is this my problem?....no why should I feel guilty about living my life and enjoying myself and meeting new people. I didn't ask for it to be this way, and I certainly don't feel bitter about it like she does now......but the thing is do I care?....honest answer no not what she thinks anymore, I care about her but she made the choice to end our relationship and I have every right to do what I want to make myself feel better!

 

The best thing I ever did......just let go.....as soon as I did I felt so much better when I thought about life without her, started making plans. It was the hardest thing to do, picturing my life without the one person I held onto until the end.....but what are you holding on for?they DUMPED you for whatever reason, some may regret it some might not, but if they love you that much then they will always come back.....or better yet never leave at all, so keep some pride and just agree with them, I never begged or cried, I knew I was better than that, so I showed in actions that I am doing fine without her and having fun....I know she is jealous I have been told.

 

So no matter how bad you are feeling now, it does get better and I have to see my ex everyday.....every time I see her now I don't feel my heart jump into my mouth or get upset, I am calm confident and joking around with everyone like I used to, I feel like me again....and I tell you something being me has not felt this good in so long!

 

seriously you should try it!

 

I don't know if I would get back with her, or would even consider being friends, I think I deserve better, if anyone wants any advise then get in touch I really don't mind, I can hopefully offer insight!

[heartofthorn]

I'm happy to hear you are doing well. Please feel free to offer me some advice on (So Confused).

 

I know I need to let go and let it run its course but I almost feel the inside of me break even more when a think of the guy and little boy. My husband knows I'm the type that needs closure.. rather it be the I hate you, you hate me move on... or see if there is closure that we don't hate one another, we are sorry, and move on.. Oh how I hate this!

[mark4]

that's fantastic and I hope will be inspirational for a lot of people on here. I am with you on this and getting to the point you are... I have also been to rock bottom and now I wouldn't change a second of it because I'm sooo much stronger now. I'm not sure wether or not my and my ex will reconcile (currently in LC) ... we have discussed the possibilty but i'm not holding my breath and in the end if it doesn't happen I still exist and can still enjoy my life just as much. I'm not hanging on her every word any more, i'm able to speak to her and also keep reminding myself that I matter most and if SHE wants ME back then she will have to put the effort in because i'm done with trying, pleading and attempting to show off the new me. I am just being it now, and everything I do is for ME! There is always something good around the corner and to anyone who is moping around thinking around their ex I urge you to pull yourself together and start taking control of things otherwise you might just miss it! treat this as an opportunity to re-create yourself, a more independent, happy, strong self-sufficient you is achievable. If we can get there so can you, time and will-power is required. Life is too short to be worrying wether or not someone else likes/loves you or not. Get yourself together and enjoy yourself! Life does not end here, there is always so much more to play...

 

Good Luck

[RABDZOMBIES]

Hi Mark4,

 

Thanks for your advice... i thought i was ok... but today on facebook, i found myself defriended by her... I am extremely unhappy that she has done such an immature thing... btw.. the new guy is still her friend.. I not sure if i will lose it... i thought i was okay, but with this curve ball... i suddenly find it tought to cope....

[HLamb]

Stay strong. You know it will pass. It really hasn't been that long since you broke up and there will surely be ups and downs. I can certainly understand that any setback can trigger a rush of emotions that may lead you to think that you'll be back to where you were or worse. Just know that this will usually not be the case because you've grown and you're different now. To put a positive spin on it, at least that's one less thing that you'll have to cope with in the future and it will help you move on even faster.

[samiche]

Nice story. Yes, always good to move on! You are worth so much more anyway.

 

It took me a year to get over my ex of five years. I think he secretly enjoyed how much I was suffering too. I'm trying my best to make up for the lost time and sacrifices I've made to be with him. I'm so angry at myself for allowing a guy to take so much of my energy and time. You really are better off being single when you can achieve the things you wish for. I use to have so many dreams but had to cut them out in order to compromise a relationship. I soon forgotten how to dream and I was living with no pulse but was too blind to see it. It's far better to be free from it than staying with someone for the sake of familiarity when you both know the relationship has gone bad. It was hard for me too imagining life without him but time does heal. Just remember to always value yourself first.

[aftershock879]

I'm glad my story and Mark4 can help people, FB is a strong tool, but if you think about it you not having to see what the other is up to is probably for the best as you don't have that hanging over your head, same happened to me but the opposite happened she added me a few days later, as I just said it was immature thing to do, to which she said she did not want to see what I was up too....ok, remember you finished with me?I didn't ask for this to happen, and she knows that.

 

We have talked, and for the first time just after a month after we split she said she still wonders every day whether it's the right decision to split, see just a few weeks ago it would have been all her decision to say lets try again and I would have jumped at the chance. Right now I have a say in what can happen because I have got the strength not to be treated like a mug and take all the blame for things that went wrong between us, it takes 2 people to ruin a relationship!

 

At the moment because she is so angry/jealous/bitter about things I am doing now we aren't speaking she is trying to say I have been nasty to make herself feel better when I have been nothing but accomodating, best thing I did is stop caring about what she thought, I know I was a push over through post break up, we have all been through it...I don't want to say something just in case you upset the other person etc.... don't feel guilty about moving on you have too. Don't do what I did and act like a punching bag so they can let out all their aggression on you, stand up dust your self off and say you deserve better than this BS!

 

I am at the point now where I wouldn't be to upset if we didn't work things out as looking at the way things are, she is in the same place and I have moved onto a better place where I feel at ease being me, don't be too nice to them, the only thing you have to agree with is the break up, after they tell you it's over then walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face, it can be false but they don't need to know that, looks are deceiving, I did that when we first split and it was obvious that I was hurting but now when she see's me she know's it's 100% real and she can't put her finger on why life is good for me at the moment and for her she hasn't done anything differently except isolate her self more from the people that care about her most....again not my problem!

 

Live life for you and no one else!!!

[unigirl20]

That gives me hope and im sure hearing your story gives other people hope. I hope i reach that stage, but i know it will be a very very long process. can i ask you how long you were together for?

[aftershock879]

Officially 8 months but we have been involved for about 2 yeats, without either of us bringing up being a 'proper couple' but in some cases it really doesn't have to be said I think we both knew that we were together, so in total friends for 1 year, and involved as more than that for 2 years.

Remember I have to see my ex every day and have to speak to her for work related purposes and trust me it has been hard.

People say that in time you will start to feel better, I didn't believe them at the time but it is true no matter how much you are hurting at the moment it does get easier, if you don't have to see them, then that is even better for your mental state to get your head straight!

[stevef20]

Thats a great post aftershock, really chuffed for you

 

Think im just going through the acceptance stage now myself and have to agree that when you finally accept, it starts to get easier.

 

Thanks for coming back on here and soreading some good news.

[aftershock879]

honestly if you stop caring about what your ex is thinking all the time, it is like a weight is lifted off your shoulders, I am not saying I am completely over her as that takes longer but I am getting there.

 

I don't think enough people come back on here to share stories of when they didn't get what they wanted or thought they wanted, when you don't get back with an ex it's not a complete disaster and turns out not going back is a sucess story if it makes you a better person for it, I thought I wanted my ex back more than anything but I am not sure what I would do if she flat out asked me now, a few months back I would have bent over backwards for any chance to have her in my life again...funny what good friends and abit of time does for your confidence!

[stevef20]

good on you my friend, good on you.

[sweetnsour231]

Hey! Thanks for taking the time to write that, usually people come on here to ask advice, but to know how people are doing after that is really nice.. It gives us a bit of light, and a bit of guidance. I had been through a break up (6 year relationship at 21 years of age) prior to this one, where i wasnt sure if i was going to make it, literally.. I thought my life was over. Two months after we had done NC (with no intention in getting back together) i had moved out, met new people and had started a new life for myself, about 2 months later, i felt the butterflies all over again.. And looked back and said.. Wow I would never of imagined feeling better.. What did I do... I dont know, i just put my bad feelings on the back burner, and started to keep busy and start new for myself..? I am newly single yet again and i wish i knew how to get through this process faster, but there is not key.. it will just happen. And now i know why my other relationship didnt work out, and im so thankful for living that, and I can`t even imagine what it would have been if i kept holding on brutal.

[aftershock879]

At the time it does feel like your world is ending, but after time you realise that you are not dying and you start thinking of yourself then you start to feel so much better.

 

It's now 3 months on and just yesterday me and my ex starting talking without falling out, but in the time we have been apart I have met someone else, and she is one of the most genuine women I have met, I am not sure what is going to happen, but for now I am just going to enjoy it for whatever it maybe.

 

My brother asked me the other day....if your ex came back apologised for everything, said that she wanted a proper future and had changed and wanted to be with me what would I say?........

A few months ago I wouldn't have thought twice about it, now I feel like a new man I know I would have the strength to tell her exactly what she did and how she made me feel, I know I wasn't perfect not by a long way but I deserved better than what I got.

 

I think she knows now that I will not take any * * * * * now, and said I need to instigate if I want anything.....instead of my ex having all the power to have the decision on what happens, now I have a say in the matter.

 

Do I want anything more?when I think about the good times sure...then I think about what's happened, then I think I am better off without her.

 

My point is everyone gets a choice....you either stick around and get used as a door mat or you say screw this and let go and enjoy life, i'd rather be alone and happy then be with someone and unhappy...anyone else agree with that?