Should I trust him?

[Babypottz514]

I just found out that while my bf and I were broken up for 3 weeks he talked to another girl. We got back together about a month ago and I just found out tonight. I looked through his phone and found some girl named Beth and he lied about who she was. He said she was his friend's gf and that was the only way he could reach him. I knew he was lying because I get this bad feeling when things are wrong and he got mad when I asked to call her. He finally confessed after about an hour and a half that it was this guy's gf who saw him and she thought she liked him so he talked to her 3 times. The thing that makes me sick is that the same week he talked to her, we had sex. We got back together so we could start a family, but he keeps lying. He says he won't do it again but I feel like its all too familiar. I didn't break up with him because I want to marry him and have a family with him but I don't know how to trust him again if he keeps lying. He has lied more than 5 times but this has been the biggest. I told him I would stay with him and next time that would be it but I don't know how to believe him anymore. I feel like an idiot for staying with him but I'm not ready to give up yet.

[goodquestion]

Hey sugar,

 

Love is based on respect ... if someone continually lies to you, they do not respect you, and thereforeeee they do not love you.

 

When I tell people this, a lot of them say that it can't be that simple, but IT IS. You are being loyal to a man who doesn't respect you, ditch him. You CANNOT change a man, only he can do that (either through decision, or God's intervention) ... don't try and change him, you won't win ...

 

in addition, as debbieh has stated, hopefully you are concerned with the lying, and not the fact that he has talked with another chick ...

 

l8r

[little242]

Wow, that is so not cool of him. Especially since he was talking to his friends girlfriend! There really is no respect for you. He's the last person who you should get married to and have kids with, that would be putting yourself and your potential family in such a bad situation.

 

He sounds like a real jerk I would move on if I were you.

[debbieh]

It seems to me that the problem here is your insecurity.

 

Maybe he lied about talking to this girl because he figured that you would react in this manner. He may have done it to save upsetting you rather than because he is hiding something.

 

What I don't understand here is the whole talking to another girl business. Do you get upset when he talks to any other females, or is it just this one girl in particular? Has he done something in the past with this girl to make you think something is going on? Do you even think there is something going on or are you just annoyed that he lied about talking to her? Why did you want to call her? Was it to check up on him?

 

If, as you say, this is the biggest lie he has ever told you, then I doubt that he has ever cheated on you, otherwise that would be a bigger lie so my question is where does this insecurity come from?

 

I think this may be something that you need to deal with yourself, as he cannot possibly go through his life with you, without ever talking to other girls or having other girl-friends (and I mean friends that are girls - not romantic), it just is not possible - after all, half the population of the planet are female.

 

Maybe I have completely misunderstood your post and your concern is regarding something I have missed, and if i have I am very sorry.

[OverParanoid]

Im in a similar situation, problem is im already married. He talks to other girls alot, and they call alot. Due to my past experience with ex bfs and cheating . Unless u have proof of sexual contact , i think its harmless but dont let your guard down... keep ontop of it, gather all the info u can and then bring it out..good luck to you both

[mahlina]

Relationships are about trust, honesty, and respect. His lying to you, #1 isn't honest or respectful. Why break up and get back, lie, sleep with you,, and play around with your heart? When a person does this, it sounds like they're playing games, rather than being honest. If he truly wanted to marry you, then he should've stuck through the relationship, and stuck to one person. That means sticking to you. I don't know exactly what the situation is, but trust your hunch on this. There will probably never be a way to figure out the 'truth' of what's really happening. Trying to figure it out is mind boggling.

 

Know that actions speak louder than words. Are his actions of breaking up, calling another girl, proving to you that he truly wants a family? If he's that serious, then he wouldn't lie and find other opportunities. But at least he did tell the truth in the end. Ask yourself if you really want a liar as a husband. Imagine when you're pregnant and he's lying again. I'm not saying that this will happen, but think about it, if he can lie about something like that now, then think about how he will be like in a marriage, when you guys have 3 kids.

 

If he feels that he can get away with lying to you once, he'll probably do it again, so long as he knows that he will be forgiven. Talk is cheap. Be observant to his actions and how he treats you. Be careful and make sure that he's not just saying things for the purpose of sweet-talking you as a way to get you in bed. Question his intent. Trust your hunch, then decide from there. Hope this Helps. Good luck to you.-Mahlina

[Babypottz514]

Someone asked why I was angry he talked to this girl. Well, he broke up with me and told me he would tell me if he talked to another girl or met someone else. I kept asking him cause I figured he would meet another girl as soon as we broke up. I just wanted him to be honest because he was supposed to be thinking about whether or not we would get back together. We talked the entire time we were broken up and we even had sex for the first time while we were broken up. The thing is I just found out that the day before we had sex he started talking to this girl cause someone told him she liked him after the one time she saw him. They never hung out, they only met once and she has a boyfriend. I had him call her cause he lied and told me he had her number because it was his friend's gf and that was the only way he could reach him and that he put the number in there before we broke up. Because I am very jealous and have trouble trusting anyone I always used to check his phone for numbers and never saw that so I new because of that and because of what number she was that it was recently put in. He continued to lie to me until I stole his phone to call her myself. He got very angry and that is how I knew he was angry cause if he was telling the truth he wouldn't of cared if I called her or not. He said he didn't tell me cause he knew I wouldn't get back with him. I probably wouldn't of been that mad if he was honest with me because I was completely honest with him and told him I was talking to another guy. He swears he is telling the entire story and finally called her and asked if they ever hooked up and she said no but he could of always told her to say that. I'm not sure whether to believe him or not just because I can't tell when he is lying until it usually blows up to be this huge thing. I really want to stay with him because things were fine except for that he neglected to tell me that and then lied about it.