Ex is Contacting My Family...but Never Me ! Pls help.

[heartsick]

For those who don't know the story (I posted the whole saga about 7-10 days ago)...the Cliff's Notes Version is.....I was literally best friends (Think When Harry Met Sally) with a guy for 11 years. We were "soul mates" and helped one another through all of life's up and downs including deaths, new jobs, relationships, etc....hung out all the time, etc. When we both were not in a relationship for the first time, we started dating....had a fairytale romance for 1.5 years. (After the 1st 2 months we started talking about our wedding plans since, literally, it was as though we were "courting" for 11 years). Things were going great...then, in Feb. of this year, he had some health issues and found out he'd be losing his job. He withdrew, I pursued, he withdrew more, I got more upset....finally, we broke up on June 24....the same exact day he finally got laid off. He treated me very, very poorly during the breakup....yelling, screaming, telling me that it 'was over' and I should just move on with my life. He instituted No Contact and has not - literally - made a single move to contact me since June 24. Meanwhile......he's vacationing with my 2 best friends this week (a planned vacation that we had all had, but he decided to go through with it)...AND...THIS IS THE KICKER....he's been contacting my brother and sister-in-law....first under the guise of "moving my stuff out" (I had partially been living with him)...but, the past 2 phone calls have simply been to "check in and see how I was doing"

 

Anyone have thoughts on what the heck is up with that ??? He made it perfectly clear that he would see it as a "violation of his boundaries" for me to contact any of his family member or friends....but, he can contact my brother to check in on me ??? Is this a) a way of saving face; b) a way of eliminating his guilt; or, c) a show that he genuinely cares. Regardless, should I see this as just an a-hole move (pardon the french) or a glimmer of hope that he may eventually have second thoughts ?

 

Anyone, anyone ?

[jasminebose]

Difficult to say what it means. What I would suggest is you ask your family not to talk to him when he calls- get them to say 'If you want to know how she is call her, please don't get me involved'. Then it will be up to him to call or not. Don't let him mess up your head!

JZ

[Hopingpraying]

If you want this guy back I don't think asking your relatives not talk to him is going to help. If he feels comfortable right now talking to them instead of you, I would use this as the mode of communication between the two of you at least for a short time. Have them encourage him to call you, that you love him, and want him in your life, etc... But don't just squash him right off the bat.

 

For whatever reason he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you right now. Give him the time and space he needs, it does sound like he loves you and cares for you.

 

I am not sure how long I would coddle him like this, you will have to play it by ear. Ultimately he is an adult and should be able to communicate openly with you.

[parisian_pink]

How about a compination of the two possibilities aforementioned? Tell your relatives/friends to POLITELY say, "You know, I bet she'd love to hear from you herself, so I'd rather you call her to ask how she's doing." Then he will call if he wants to talk/reconsile, and chances are he wants to, but your family won't come off as rude, and they will let him know you are receptive to his calls. Good luck!