Is 14 months apart too long?

[John1]

Hi.

Me and my ex were going together for 4 years...We were on the verge of moving in together..which we both couldnt wait for for 14 months ago we split up over me drunkenly kissing a girl from work... I was stupid.. As she was my 1st serious g/f this was my 1st breakup and I handled it really badly... I begged ./ pleaded etc.. kept calling her, even calling her very very late at night.... she changed her phone number, she told my friends to tell me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore... I sent her letters every 3-4 weeks or so, just telling her i love(d) her and wanted a 2nd chance...

When we were together we would speak to each other 4-5 times per day... in the 14 months apart we have spoken to each other about 10 times and it has been me who has initiated contact on nearly every occasion...

Its 2 months now since Ive heard or seen from her....It may be a bit late to put the No Contact rule in place.... but will try anyway..

well the last time i saw her in street... we walked and talked for a while but when it was time to go , i again asked for 2nd chance ( stupidly) and she said no, why would she want to give me a 2nd chance, shes having a great time been single.... i asked if we could meet up sometimes for coffee and she said no...

 

this was a girl who upto 14 months ago wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me... when we were together she was a bit insecure.. she would write me letters ( for a while we lived about 3 hrs apart) saying how she never wants us to break up and wants to be together forever.. thats she hopes im happy been with her etc etc... now its like shes the total opposite.. she wants nothing to do with me...

And all because i kissed a girl from work one night while i had too much to drink....

 

People say to give her time and she will come back... even some of her friends say that.. but its 14 months now .... Like she doesnt call me or nothing.... I dont know how they can change from " i cant wait for us to move in togehter , and get married and have babies" to " i dont love you anymore, i want nothing to do with you" ..... she seems to be a different person... like a cold, heartless, stubborn girl... definitely not the girl i fell in love with 5.5 years ago...

Hopefully in time her feelings may change but i dont know...

[electricekcentric]

well bro..

in her eyes,,and most women view kissing as a very intamate thing.even more so then sex.weather you were drunk or sober.you lost her trust.some people get over those things easyer then other people do.for instance,say the tables were turned?would her excuse of being drunk make you feel better about it?shes waiting for you to accept responsibility and tell her why you really kissed this woman from work,or ,shes set in her ways about it and she is very hurt.my ex broke it off with me almost 2 years ago,accept she comes around every now and then and sometimes we sleep together and she will be really nice until i feed into it,and then she gives me the ax all over again.nc is the best thing,then you will know,good luck.

[electricekcentric]

well bro..

in her eyes,,and most women view kissing as a very intamate thing.even more so then sex.weather you were drunk or sober.you lost her trust.some people get over those things easyer then other people do.for instance,say the tables were turned?would her excuse of being drunk make you feel better about it?shes waiting for you to accept responsibility and tell her why you really kissed this woman from work,or ,shes set in her ways about it and she is very hurt.my ex broke it off with me almost 2 years ago,accept she comes around every now and then and sometimes we sleep together and she will be really nice until i feed into it,and then she gives me the ax all over again.nc is the best thing,then you will know,good luck.

[electricekcentric]

well bro..

in her eyes,,and most women view kissing as a very intamate thing.even more so then sex.weather you were drunk or sober.you lost her trust.some people get over those things easyer then other people do.for instance,say the tables were turned?would her excuse of being drunk make you feel better about it?shes waiting for you to accept responsibility and tell her why you really kissed this woman from work,or ,shes set in her ways about it and she is very hurt.my ex broke it off with me almost 2 years ago,accept she comes around every now and then and sometimes we sleep together and she will be really nice until i feed into it,and then she gives me the ax all over again.nc is the best thing,then you will know,good luck.

[boomer892]

Well, when I broke up with my gf I took it pretty hard.. I pleaded for her to give me another chance but to no avail... So I had to just bite the bullet..... When you talk to her don't talk about getting u back... Just ask her how shes doing....

 

This is what I do... When I call my ex.. *NOT DAILY*... Once in awhile... I'd ask about her school, work, friends... But most of all... I care not just about her but her whole family... I'd ask about her brother and how he is doing in university... I'd also ask about her mum...... You have to build trust with her... Because you broke that trust.. It is one of the hardest thing to build back up... If she is worth it to you.. You would have to take the time to build it... Build it... Build it..... It will definitely take months to do so... So be patient...

 

I know that the guys shes met don't really care about her family... But I do.... You have to show her that you're not a typical guy... You have to show that you are above the rest....

 

So on that note.... I hope evertything works out for ya....

[SteveNaive]

Sorry if I do sound harsh, but what is it that you still want? Why would she come back after all that time? She has told you more than once that she does not want to get back with you. She has had 14 months to think about her decision, so it is highly unlikely that she is actually going to regret it.

 

I know it is hard to accept, but things change. They really do. For no particular reason. Even things that once were good. I just come out of a relationship myself. That girl told me I was everything to her. And yes she wanted to marry me. And yes she thought I was perfect. And yes, she found someone else now who also makes her happy. Maybe happier than I ever did. And yes, she does not want to be with me anymore and probably never will...so be it.

 

It really does not look like she is going to come back anywhen soon. And like you said, she has changed so much, so why do you still want her to come back? And apart from that, she said she is happy now, so who are you to doubt that? I know it's tough. Life sometimes just is a piece of...(I can't say that word here, sorry.) Let's assume that she really is happy being single. So if you really love her, you should let her go and let her be happy, as hard as that may be.

 

 

Another thing...you do not just break off a 4 yr relationship just like that even after your partner kissed someone. So I would assume that she may have had a couple of reasons apart from that and that the kiss just might have been the trigger...sort of the chance for her to end it. People are like that sometimes.

 

So, get on with it and try to move on. You said she was your first relationship. Let me say, you would have been very lucky had that lasted forever. We all here are looking for someone to share our life with, someone to marry, to have kids with. And from time to time everyone will get burned. It'll hurt like hell. It'll eat you up. It'll just be plain nasty. And you are in that right now. But 14 months is a lot of time...so come on, start to move on. You will find someone else, I am sure.

 

So : "Dry your eyes mate

I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Dry your eyes mate

I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts

But you've got to walk away now

It's over" (The Streets - Dry your eyes mate)

 

That's all I wanna say about that.

[skynet74]

14 Months sure is a long time. I remained hopeful for three years that an Ex would come back before. But I still dated other women at the time. I still dated but I just didn't click with anyone. This time my recent Ex and I have been split up for only three months. So I still have some hope. But I would say that after the one year mark chances drasticly decrease. You may want to date around a little and see what happens. Nothing wrong with remaining hopeful, but I wouldn't just sit alone in the house at the 14 month mark. She's already shown you that she's in no hurry to come running back.

 

 

John