So confused.

[DogsAreLove]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months and for the last 2 weeks I noticed he seemed to be pulling away. One word answers, not being as affectionate, etc. So I began to think. I started realizing okay maybe he's not into me anymore and it's time we break up cause we're not very compatible anyway. I had it in my mind to end things with him. Monday came and he said he needed me to call him (we never talk on the phone) because he needed to talk to me. He asked me why I was acting distant and I told him well you have been acting distant too etc etc. He told me the reason was because his dad's health is going downhill and he hasn't been able to tell me because it makes him sad all the time. So instead he decides to treat me differently? (Like I'm sorry I've been through my fair share of crap and I never treat people that radically differently)

 

Anyway, we talked for a long time, I told him how I felt about the relationship and wanting to end it because I thought he wanted out, but now that I knew what was going on in his life I wanted to be there for him and whatnot.

 

But now I can't help but feel that we really ARE incompatible. I saw him last night for the first time in about a week (our schedules are very different so it's hard) and he was scaring me by how affectionate he was being. He kept kissing me, complimenting me, hugging me every 5 seconds, honestly I was starting to feel smothered. We're really not big on PDA but yesterday I felt like "that couple" where someone would yell "get a room!" because he was literally all over me.

 

I don't know what to make of this. I truly care for him and I feel destroyed at the thought of us breaking up, but I've woken up from my "relationship bubble" and seen that, wow, we're really not meant for each other. We're both in our early 20's, so I'm also starting to feel like well maybe time away from him would do us both good since we're still young and really need to experience life. I know his intentions are good and he was wrong for not telling me upfront about his dad before he started treating me like crap. I do feel bad for ending things with him in this time where he needs me the most though.

 

There are a few red flags in the relationship like he hasn't said "I love you" and I've only hung out with his friends like twice because it's "guys night" and I'm never "allowed" to go, meanwhile one of the friends' gf's is always there.

 

Part of me tells me it's a huge mistake for me to end it with him, and the other part of me tells me that I can find someone more compatible with me and more mature. I have no idea what to do.

[geekgirl4]

If you feel you two are incompatible, then I think you're right. I had the same thoughts with my ex, and after a lot of thinking after the breakup, I realized I was right and it should have ended sooner. If something is missing and isn't clicking with the two of you, then you should end it now before it goes down a sad and long road. Do these feelings of incompatibleness come when you two are having problems or just in general?

[SapphireNoir10]

he probably didnt mean to treat you like crap he's just worried about his dad. Sadly people do sometimes take things out on those closest to them. Relationships are through the good and bad.

 

Also you confuse me here, you complain he's distant, then he becomes non distant and hes clingy? Can the guy win really?

 

Make sure you want to break up with him before you do because he doesnt sound like a terrible boyfriend.

[DogsAreLove]

Normally he's like, a normal amount of PDA-ish and caring, but before we talked about the issue he became distant. Now that we talked about it he's basically smothering me with affection.

 

That's what kills me he's a great guy, but this whole thing opened up my eyes to how incompatible we may be. However, since we've lasted this long maybe that incompatibility doesn't matter? I have no idea.

 

I'm not mad at him for taking out his issues on me, I'm not mad at him for anything really, just this whole thing of him being distant before he told me about his dad made me really think that we don't mesh too well as a couple. Plus the fact that I had the "end it" thoughts in my head, paired with his smothering freaked me out a bit so now I'm just... still confused.