mammadon Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 This is not a slight or rebuke, but I find in many cases people only offer advice out of spite, bitterness or resentment. A case in point is that others may say, in a given problem, "I suffered too, so why not you?" But then every problem has a solution, right? The solution may not be apparent, but in every problem there are ways to at the very least mitigate/soothe the issue at hand. In some cases, yes there is no evident way out, but this doesn't mean that simply because one person suffered a bum/raw deal, others have to, right? I guess I've always thought that difficulties should be overcome, and I don't agree with the modern notion that life should be all about suffering. It's not how I think really. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 We have the right to give our opinion. Whether you agree with it or gives you any insight is totally up to you. These are just thoughts and opinions from different perspectives. Link to comment
mammadon Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 But how does that help the person in question? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm not sure that I have seen many posts where advice has been offered out of spite, bitterness of resentment. Sure I may have seen one or two bitter comments but they generally go against the grain. The majority of posts offer support and genuine advice. There are plenty of debates on here where someone might not agree with anothers view but most make valid points towards their argument and it is good to get different perspectives on a situation. I don't think I have ever read a post where it has been suggested by the poster that because they have suffered others should suffer too. I agree that life shouldn't all be about suffering, but it is nevertheless a fact of life that at some point in our life we will have to face some kind of heartache. No-one is claiming to be qualified. We are just normal beings who are seeking or offering help. If you don't think that the advice you receive or that has been given elsewhere is reasonable then perhaps forums like these aren't for you. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 But how does that help the person in question? That is an impossible question to answer unless we were talking about a specific problem and a specific answer but generally it can help in many ways. There will always be different perspectives so even if the OP doesn't agree with one view they may well agree with another. It also helps to see what the majority think. It is sometimes easier to see a more clearer picture when we are looking from the outside and that is generally what a person is doing when they start a thread ... trying to get a clearer picture from an outside perspective. I'm really not sure what problem there is here. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Depends what advice and in what scenario. This forum, like the entire world, is comprised of different people with difference experiences, education and qualifications. There may be some people here who are intelligent, whose advice would be well heeded. Likewise, there are some really stupid people around. It's up to you how you receive and use the 'advice' here. I'm not going to ask a road worker to fix my stomach ulcer. SO: How is a person helped by what is written here? Well, number one, they get attention directed to the problem they need to solve (good thing). Number two, they get to express themselves without fear of real retribution. Number three, they know they are not alone. Even if no one can offer practical advice, moral support is a good thing. If you want professional advice, you should seek it elsewhere. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 All advice is given after one has been in the same position before, or has experienced a similar scenario in their life. You can either attempt to learn from the mistakes the advice giver is giving, or make your own mistakes and learn from them (which we all end up doing at some point or another). Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Yes. But the value of that advice is best told by credentials. Or by what resonants with the person best. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 What????? .. I think Lonewing meant what RESONATES with the person best. Sometimes you have to listen to a lot of advice to finally find something that makes sense and applies to your situation well. Link to comment
TearsofFate Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 People offer opinions based off their own experiences and ways of handling things. It really is all by chance whether it helps or not. Sometimes things will really touch someone's heart, other times it will just cheer them up for a while, other times it might cause more pain, or do nothing at all. It's like looking for the "right" answer in a haystack. One that is right for you. If everyone couldn't state their own opinion nobody would ever learn anything from another. Sometimes the weakest moments in someone's life makes them stronger and sometimes what may seem wrong is right and vise versa. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 OP what do you think are the chances that only a qualified social worker or therapist is going to respond to this forum? It is highly likely they are making money doing in the a one on one session. If you believe the answers you are getting are not right because the people who have been in your situation have not passed a qualification in psychology then you are not going to get any good advice here. Responses are from life experience rather than what is read from a book. Which one would you choose? The knowledge which is written in books who may have not felt what you have felt or the knowledge from someone who has experienced the pain, suffering, heartache of tough life situations? Link to comment
mammadon Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I guess I always thought that if somebody has a problem, a person trying to help them should tell them how to solve it to their satisfaction. I guess I was just misguided lol. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 The advice given here is like a group brainstorming. Some are possible solutions, some posts are part of an answer, which another poster can extend on. Some are just letting you know you are not alone in your situation and some are just totally on the wrong page. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I guess I always thought that if somebody has a problem, a person trying to help them should tell them how to solve it to their satisfaction. I guess I was just misguided lol. Ah! You mean if someone came onto this site looking for ways to get back with an ex then that is exactly the advice they should be given and not be told to move on, forget them or to go NC? Is that what you mean? Link to comment
Philos Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 No. Definitely not. The best advice challenges you and your perceptions. 95% of advice is mostly commiserating dressed up though. Link to comment
mammadon Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 Ah! You mean if someone came onto this site looking for ways to get back with an ex then that is exactly the advice they should be given and not be told to move on, forget them or to go NC? Is that what you mean? No, since that's not a realistic appraisal of the situation. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 No, since that's not a realistic appraisal of the situation. No, you're right it isn't, which is why the advice given on such a situation would be on how to move on etc and not on how to get your ex back. I just wondered if perhaps you had been seeking advice and felt the advice you had been given had been unhelpful. I have noticed in the past that posters have been unhappy with some of the advice they have been given if it hasn't been exactly what they wanted to hear or what they were hoping to hear. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.