jimbobday Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 So mine and my girlfriends relationship isn't the same as it used to be. So today I decided to bring this up with her as I believe communication is important. She didn't really want to talk about it. She did say though that this is because of one of my childhood friends. This has been bought up in the past about her. The friend lives in auzzie and I went out to dinner with her a few weeks back to catch up while she was over. This made my girlfriend believe I still have feeling for her (I did about 11 years ago and my GF knows this). We broke up last time over a similar issue between my GF and my friend. I've tried talking to her tried showing her how much I care about her by giving her little surprises every now and then (cleaning up, Making the bed, Getting her favorite flowers with a little note attached) but nothing is helping. I'm now all out of ideas its been like this for about a month and it doesn't seem to be improving. Does anyone have any advice her at all? Link to comment
SVSV Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 In the future, it can help to include your girlfriend in any activities with your friend. Link to comment
Circe Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Why didn't you discuss it with your gf or invite her along before doing the dinner with your friend? It just seems that you would have quite clearly have known your gf would be upset - so why did you not discuss it with her first? I think your gf is upset because she thinks your answer to that question is that you didnt care that she would be upset and wanted to have the dinner anyway because of how much you wanted to see the friend. If that's the truth I'm not sure what you can do other than apologise, give it time - and let her know that next time you won't do something like that without discussing it with her first or inviting her along. Link to comment
Circe Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Also is it possible she views it as cheating? For my H and I - there are certain interactions that we view as "dates" - that we wouldnt do with others - and other interactions we view as "casual" that we would. One on one dinner or drinks would be in the "date" category - one-on-one lunches or coffees would be in the "casual" category. I know its an arbitrary distinction, objectively - but its meaningful to us. So when male friends ask me to dinner, my response is "how about lunch instead?" or "sure, I'll ask H along and you ask your gf along". On the other hand - I often have lunch or get together for coffee with male friends. If I had dinner alone with a male friend - or if my H had dinner alone with a female friend - that would cross over boundaries for our relationship. Now maybe her boundaries are similar and she considers you taking a girl to dinner (even if you split the bill) to be a date and feels cheated on? It might be worth finding out if she does feel that way and talking that through with her. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Thanks. Yep have both apologized and said she was more than willing to come along next time. I don't think she views it as a date as she goes for dinner with male friends or goes out with them when its just the two of them. I had actually said I was going to dinner with her and thought this wouldn't be a problem as I had gone over to auzzie and visited her and her fiancée for a few days. Will definitely ask her along next time (Unfortunately its only about once every six months). Ill try do a bit more talking about it but she seems to want to stay off the topic and it upsets her a lot talking about it. Think time might be the only way to get her trust back. Link to comment
MrWallFlower Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I see this more as a control issue. A self-fulfilling prophecy so to speak...she fears that you are too involved with this girl and suspects that you might want to be with her so her response is to break up with you first. Does that make sense? I think it's more about poor communication skills on her part and her passive aggressive method to control you. Oh sure, if you love her you'll care about her feelings and not do the things that upset her but, believe me, there'll be no end to it. Next thing you know she'll be getting upset just because you post messages about phermones. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 She has gotten upset about that. Then tonight she bought home photos of her hooking up with and grooping another guy. Then blames it on me not caring so why should she care about me and my feeling. Looks like things might be over. What am I going to do Link to comment
Lester Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 If you want to stay in the relationship…apologize again and again. Mean it. (She’ll know if your not sincere.) Anything you do with another women will put your, (any), relationship in danger. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 Ok shes now posted the photos of her hooking up with a guy on Facebook. She says it was just a joke and everyone was doing it but I don't know. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 She sounds very immature. How old is she? Link to comment
jimbobday Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Shes 20 but generally very mature for her age Link to comment
Snny Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Ok shes now posted the photos of her hooking up with a guy on Facebook. She says it was just a joke and everyone was doing it but I don't know. She needs to grow the hell up and quit playing fire with fire. That stuff is not mature nor funny. It's like she's pushing you to break up with her because she has some serious issues. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Link to comment
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