How do i build confidence and stop comparing myself to other people?

[kmh1239]

I've never had the most confidence, but lately, I've been feeling worse about myself than normal. I compare myself to girls all the time lately, whether it's looks, weight, or personality, and I can't seem to stop. It's much worse than it used to be, and its making me feel horrible about myself. People tell me to think of things I'm good at, or things I like about myself, but that usually makes me feel worse because I can never think of anything.

This is really starting to wear me down. Any advice?

[Blackey]

A couple of things, first of all try to get as many personal achievements as you can, in any sphere you can, and also make yourself noticed among the opposite sex. Go out to places, try to flirt with guys, and make guys chase you, it will boost your ego and confidence.

In addition, instead of comparing yourself with other girls who might look better, compare yourself with the less fortunate, as unfortutunate as they are, it will boost your confidence and will make you ultimately understand that you are not located in the worst place and that you are lucky in a sense with what you got.

[Yaz]

I've never had the most confidence, but lately, I've been feeling worse about myself than normal. I compare myself to girls all the time lately, whether it's looks, weight, or personality, and I can't seem to stop. It's much worse than it used to be, and its making me feel horrible about myself. People tell me to think of things I'm good at, or things I like about myself, but that usually makes me feel worse because I can never think of anything.

This is really starting to wear me down. Any advice?

 

This is a problem. And none of that stupid sh*t worked for me either.

Write a list of everything good about yourself and when you get down, read it

Write inspirational quotes on your wall

Turn that frown upside down!

Think about the starving biafrons!

 

I would suggest doing some research on the 'observant self'. It helped me a lot. Just think - you can't be something that is transient. You call yourself 'ugly' - but you weren't 'ugly' when you were a baby, you were cute. All these physical and mental states pass. The only thing that doesn't pass is you.

 

Your outer appearance, the way you behave, anything and everything is transient. You can't be something temporary. But you are still you. You are just you. That is all.

[Positive_Anonymous]

And you know the funny thing...they are all probably thinking the same as you and comparing themselves to other people. Its human nature to always think that someone is better than us. I agree with writing down all the positive things about you and what you want to do with your future, you will find your a lot more successful than you think

[lucasky]

I agree with mateus - we're all comparing ourselves to one another!

 

I am a fit, outwardly confident and successful 21 year-old woman. I have people tell me on occasion that they're so jealous of me and my life... but guess what? When I'm getting changed in the changerooms, I still compare myself to everyone else and wonder if I'm good enough. I still look in the mirror and see imperfections. I still hear about awesome things other friends are doing and wish I had their life. I'm a very competitive person, and sadly the extends into the most minute aspects of my life - every strength another person has I want and I want to be better at it.

 

Maybe that's how I counter feeling depressed over my jealousy - I turn it into motivation to beat the other person out (even if they don't know I'm trying to beat them at some rediculous competition I've made up in my head). That could be your solution. Or perhaps, you just need to know that we all (most of us) feel like you do.

[ketakaty]

I've felt much better from that point of view since I started singing. It's something I've wanted to do forever but never had the courage, but since I really made the decision to do it, help and support has popped up everywhere. So I agree with Blackie, the best way to counter these feelings is to get into something that interests you, and stick at it until you get good. It could take awhile but soon you'll feel good about yourself as a whole, imperfections and all, which inspires other people to feel the same.

[Blacksheep09]

There is ALWAYS going to be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, more popular, richer, luckier than you.... Confidence is a funny thing because it seems anyway that only a small number of people truly have it... and they usually aren't the prettiest one's.... The rest of us are faking it till we make it.... And you will make it, confidence come's with age and wisdom... There are going to be time's when you don't feel good about yourself but what you have to do is change your self-talk. That voice in your head piping in at all times during the day. You may not even realize it's there... You have to make it like you. Be aware of it and test yourself, you would be surprised how many negative thoughts you have of yourself in one day..... Next time it kicks in just turn it off and remember how special you are.

[SocialPsiTina]

When your mind is on a negative track, it is sometimes difficult to think of anything good--especially about oneself.

 

So perhaps I can be of assistance: 1) You're being honest with yourself about this. 2) You're being honest with us. 3) You've reached out for help. 4) Your post is expressive and well-written. 5) You're observing yourself and this issue over time, making note of improvement and/or the lack of it. 6) This requires insight, humility, and courage.

 

I don't wish to make light of your challenge. However, I can see these positive things in you. So tell me-- do you see them? Or do you minimize the value of these, or do what Cognitive Therapists call "negating the positive," insisting that the positive is small, insignificant, or that nearly everyone possesses these positive qualities?

 

Negating the Positive is something that I deeply regret having done in my own life, even though I didn't know I was doing it.

I didn't realize how rare my positive qualities (similar to those I just listed of yours) were. I didn't understand how high my standards were, and I had no one to tell me! Poor me!

 

But you have at least one to tell you. Working on yourself in this way is difficult work. How much easier those blessed souls have it who already possess the looks, confidence, money, and position they need to "pass" as socially "worthy" in our society!

 

Perhaps it will help you to realize that, society's messages notwithstanding, all human beings both need and deserve compassion and caring, faults or not. Try to give it to yourself if you can: how sad it has been for you to bear these heavy burdens, especially all by yourself.

 

If you cannot give it to yourself, and even fi you can, please try to get from others, whether here or in the non-virtual world. Seek out whatever love and support you can find, whether someone from a religious organization, a counselor, or a local crisis line. That is what they are there for.

 

Second, consider, as has been said, that we all feel at least some of this way sometimes, and my of us on a daily basis. It's just part of being human.

 

Thirdly, and to offer a different approach than one of the previous ones, remember that our external qualities and achievement do not encompass all that we are, nor the most essential part of who we are; quite the contrary. We are so many things, and still becoming!

 

As you clearly are becoming, and already are, something great and precious.

 

You're already shown that.

 

As the poet Rilke says “...perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.”

 

You have already begun to give yourself that help, even if it doesn't really feel like it yet.

 

Once your realize at least some of your own inner beauty and value, and also get some support, you can focus on something you enjoy doing, regardless of what it is. You can continue to build yourself through activities which you enjoy.