How do I get him to open up

[sbrew21]

I have been dating this guy for about 3 and a half months now long distance and when we see each other we have a great time together. We are very attracted to each other and have a lot of fun. The problem is I am ready to be serious with him, and he doesn't seem to want to get too too into it. I know he likes me but the long distance kills us. He is supposed to be moving to my city as soon as he can find a job where I live. He hates where he lives now. He wouldn't be moving here for me though. He wanted to move here before we even started dating which is the only reason I even though about getting involved. He comes and visits me every couple of weeks so we do get to see each other. He never shares his feelings with me though. I sort of try to get it out of him but nothing. For example: He came down last night at last minute with a friend and ended up staying at my place. I was so happy and I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him coming down so today after he left I called him to tell him how much I appreicated it and it was such a great surprise. His response was "that's cool." All I wanted was an "I am really glad I got to see you too." or something that makes me feel somewhat special. He never tells me he misses me or compliments me. Its just frustrating. I am a pretty independent person and I don't need someone babying me or anything but I really would like to hear those small compliments or just something that shows he cares. He does call me everyday and does visit so I definitely know he likes me, but I guess its not enough. I don't want to confront him becuase I feel in a sense that is me trying to change him and plus it won't mean as much if I have to tell him to do those things. I just wish there was a way that would make him realize I need to hear those "sweet nothings" or just that he is thinking about me. I am a pretty confident person and I am pretty secure with myself but it would be nice to hear. Do you have any suggestions on how to get him to realize that he needs to start making me feel special even though we aren't at that extremely serious stage yet?

[Jamiegirl]

I think what u should do to try to give him the hint. Is say something like, "My friends boyfriend the other night was so romantic he said, (you think of somthing romantic), then say something like , it made my heart melt when he told me that. Then kinda tell him that you would like to hear more romantic things too just dont say it in a blunt way. Say it more in a undercover way.

 

If this doesnt work then try talking to him about. But give the first idea some time. And make sure you bring up more than one incident so he gets it. most guys dont get the first hint, you always have to give them more than one.

 

If the talking doesnt work then he probably will never change and you might as stop trying and either move on or accept that he wont change.

 

Good Luck

[JuJu]

This is something I have yet to figure out. Soem guys do care a lot, but just aren't in tune or don't know how to show it yet. Long distance kills! I've been away from my boyfriend for a month this summer and it's killing us both. Your guy calls you every day, that's a good sign and a sign that he cares. When he calls, does he ask how you are and what you have been up to? I just hope that you're not just somewhere for him to stay when he's in town. Try asking him questions sometimes that could open his emotional side. Ask about his child hood, things he did when he was little, what he thinks about different topics...etc etc.

[sbrew21]

He does ask how i am doing, but after that he talks mostly about himself when we talk unless I just start talking about my day. He will listen but he doesn't really ask too much about me. Which is another thing that bothers me. I know he isn't using me for a place to stay just because he has a bunch of friends that live around me and he stays with me. Ughh, its just frustrating because I really want him to be crazy about me and I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep everything low key because forcing anything has never helped any situation, plus since we live far apart I know he doesn't really want to put too much effort until he moves here, which is also frustrating because I would do anything for him. I hate being the underdog in the relationship. I need to some how make him care more than I do?

[jopo]

hey, that undercover thing your talking about really works great, that it what innitially led me to the girlfriend i have now, it was as if she was leaving under the table hints that she would like to be with me. like yea my advice to the thread starter, is that this is a good way to lure somebody in, i fell head over heels for the girl im with now. i love her so much. anyway though, i think that this is good both ways, but this is a really good way to get the guy

 

also, if he thinks your cute at all, i mean if he likes you, when you advance on him he will let you, at least thats the way i am, i mean a lot of guys even if they dont know the girl, if they like them and then the girl comes on to them then thell give in. but yea i aggree that if he calls everyday then he does care,(hemight just be shy though)

 

and again, those undercover hints will let him know that you wanna get down with him. also after youv gotton started what ever your trying to do with him, then its good to say it bluntly(i love you, ect ect). but youl know the right time to say this. after my girl told me she liked me(undercover like) i said it right there that i liked her, that i liked her from the very moment i saw her, we talked about our past and all kinds of stuff, and when you know that your both digging each other then try to make some moves, and most likely the dude will be like "i love you baby, your so awsome)

 

but this is just my opinion and the girl that i quoted opinion

[sbrew21]

This guy. Not the brightest crayon in the box, so either he doesn't get it when I give him hints, or he is pretending not to get it. I guess I can try some other things. He is coming to visit me this weekend. I don't think he is going to stay with me though since his friend got a condo on the beach but anyway. I am trying to figure out what the best way to act is. I feel like I am always the one initiating the kissing or flirting which gets annoying. He flirts back and kisses me back but there is only so many times I can be that way. I just want him to desire me I guess. I know he is going to want me to stay at the condo with him but I feel like if he wants to be with me then he will come back to my place. (he has stayed there before, so not too big of deal.) We are going to a club that is right next door to the condo so technically it makes more sense to stay there but I guess I am stubborn. I just don't want to give in and end up following him.