Want her back.... thinks I am stalking her! Any chance now!

[Sadboy75]

Hi there

 

Brief:

- went out for 13 months.. lived together for four of those

- was a lot of love in the relationship, had talked about the future

- we were both 29 years old

- she needed some 'space' so we broke up... herin lies the problem

 

I miss this girl so much it actually hurts me! I did harass her with texts etc for a few weeks post the break up but then stopped

 

Now last Monday I went to a dancing class thinking she would not be there. She was there so I tried to hide from her not knowing what to do as she had spotted me. She quickly approached me and abused me fro not leaving her alone and stalking her... it was not my intention to do so but it certainly looked like it! And she is absolutely beside herself! I tried to make ammends and make her understand that this was not the case by sending her a text... this only resulted in a cruel email that she sent me saying ' I do not want to have anything to do with you for a very long time.' You have stalked me bla bla bla... and so she went on!

 

Has anybody else been in this situation? If so, how did you feel and did you ever speak to them again. Coming from a whirlwind romanace full of love to this is quite upsetting... I know I can not contact her again and will not!

 

Will she let down her barriers ever? WIll she ever come back to me? Will the lovely thoughts of me fill her mind ever again? So many questions...

 

I did not mean to get myself into the situation but it unfortunately happenned...

 

Stories and comments appreciated!

[SteveNaive]

I am sorry to say it that way, but I got three words to say: Get over it.

 

Sometimes things like that just happen and they are beyond our control. She obviously thinks that you are stalking her and spying after her. I would recommend to leave her alone. As she said it: She does not want to have anything to do with you for a long time. I think it's a quite harsh thing to say, but in the end it may be for her own comfort. Some people just try to look at the bad sides of something in order to get over it more easily. She wants to leave things behind and thus tries to make it look bad.

 

There is nothing yuo can do about this. I would not bet on her coming back to you. So try to move on...as hard as it is... (Although I have to admit that I have trouble following my own advice here...)

[charmed]

Hi Sadboy,

 

I agree with SteveNaive on this.

 

You have to a certain extent given her ammo to use against you. She is indeed focusing on the bad in you - and that will

a) make it easier for her to get over you

b) push you away so she doesn't have to see you.

 

Essentially, she is enforcing a no-contact regime by being completely nasty about it. She has taken the control out of your hands.

 

Get Past This Girl.

She Will NOT Be Hanging Around For You.

 

Sad but true my friend. Time to move on.

If you need help getting around the concept of moving on - then talk to the forum. There are plenty of people who have gone through the same thing as you are going through right now. You can read their experiences, and you can post your own. That should help you on your way.

 

Hope this helps you some,

 

Good luck,

~

[fantasia2004]

Harassment vs. Stalking what is the difference?

[charmed]

ha·rass ( P ) Pronunciation Key (h-rs, hrs)

tr.v. ha·rassed, ha·rass·ing, ha·rass·es

 

1. To irritate or torment persistently.

2. To wear out; exhaust.

3. To impede and exhaust (an enemy) by repeated attacks or raids.

 

***************************************************************

stalk2 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (stôk)

v. stalked, stalk·ing, stalks

 

1. To pursue by tracking stealthily.

2. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.

3. To go through (an area) in pursuit of prey or quarry.

[Azure13]

I don't think texting is stalking but it can be annoying for the dumper if you have just broken up and they do not want to get back together at all.. I'm sure you probably just wanted to get back with them because you cared about them, but you have to give them some space. As for what she said about the stalking, you weren't stalking her but she wants to believe you were so the only thing you can do is leave her alone. You have to move on.. really its not the nicest thing for someone to accuse you of anyway, it wouldn't make me want to stick around to see if she could work things out. Anyway maybe and I say maybe after a lot of time has passed you can try to talk to her again but be casual about it and make her feel comfortable. But really just don't talk to her for a long time if ever.. maybe she'll come and talk to you, if she realizes that she made a mistake in thinking you were stalking her, but who really knows. Bottom line is you have to cut off all communication with her for a while.

[lupe]

i have been through it recently and she made me feel like the bad guy, and she said things like get away, stop following me or you dont mean any thing to me anymore and on. but what i did was just tell her in her face that i did not do anything wrong or to youand i never hurt you so fine you want it this way. then i turned giving her a mean look then turned around and said( i did not do anything to you) and than walked off. She called me twice after that but i ignored, knowing i am still deeply inlove with her i send her roses ect. Someday shell relize, so for you i would just kill her with kindness.

[TrueHeart]

Quite honestly, she is upset right now.. and you're right... what she means by not seeing you again, atleast for now, should be taken quite seriously.

 

However, since you did admit to badgering her with text messages/emails or whatever, did you honestly expect her reaction to be accepting? Just a thought. Also, in conclusion of this-- yes, she will think about the good times, but she will distance herself from this-- All you have done is remind her of the bad you.. and the negative things she doesn't like.. This makes it easier for her to just walk away.

 

You need to just really distance yourself now. Stop worrying about what she thinks, what she's doing-- focus on yourself, rediscover your identity. If she comes around (that is an IF, so no false-hopes here)-- just remember to be friendly, casual and ever-smiling.. If you happen to bump into her, keep it light, casual, concise.. and DO NOT engage in arguing or in any attempt to try to convince her to take you back..

 

Hang out with friends, go see movies, take a vacation.. Just keep yourself busy.. you'd be surprised how the days will fly and each day, it will hurt less and less...