I'm always in love

[mtastic]

For as long as i have been interested in girls, (we'll say rougly the last 10-11 years), it seems like I have conastantly had a crush on someone, and sooner or later i'm attracted to just about every girl i encounter on a regular basis (this extends beyond just friends and classmates, to the point of my evencrushin on a girl i simply passed going between classes frquently one term). Needless to say with most of these crushes it generally doesn't go anywhere, only recently have I actually started flirting with a few classmates, and sooner or later the crush simply goes away, or more accuratly, I move on to someone else.

 

Anyway, more recently (last year or two), with some of these crushes, the element of fantasy has been more increasingly active. I don't mean sexual fantasy nessecerily, although that has been a factor since i was about 13 or 14, but what I guess can basically be described as "realtionship fantasy." By this I mean that in my head, i start to think weeks and months ahead in our "relationship," to events like goping on trips or a vacation with her, bringing her home to meet my family, living together, and in a few instaces i got as far as marriage proposal, when in reality my relationship with the crush may only extend as far as casual conversation between calsses, even less than that at times. I think sometimes this fantasizing plays with my expectations a little, making me only more disappointed when nothing eventually happens.

 

This all sort of peake in the realtionship I was in earlier this year (it was my first), this was one of the few wher the fantasy got as far as marriage proposal, although the relationship only lasted about 6 weeks. For some reason though, I guess becasue things seemed to be working in the relationship, the fantasy seemed a little more grounded as there was actually (in my mind at least) potential for the relationship to move on to those events I used to think about. I can see how in the end this, along with other factors, heightend my disappointment and depression upon her breakup from me.

 

I guess that was kind of rambling, but does anybody identify with this at all? Anybody ever go through something similar? or simply seem to be constantly infatuated with one person or another? Any comments or advice would be mush appriciated.

 

mtastic

[aznova]

Hi,

Although I have never been through this exactly, I think I might be able to help a little. I think it is a natural feeling to look ahead, so dont feel bad about it. Relationships take time. There is a lot of good times to be had from the first conversation to marriage. Enjoy them. Its kinda like when your 13 and you want to be 16 so you can drive, then you want to be 21 so you can drink, next thing you know you just lost 8 years, and you will never get them back. You will never get the first date, the first kiss, the first I LOVE U back in any relationship, so slow down and relax. Another tough lesson to learn is that you cant base your life on your relationships. Live your life, allow a relationship to be a part of your life. You may not be done healing from your last relationship, once you get to the point where you have accepted it, this constant search for another relationship might not be as bad.

[redline052]

Your thinking too fast into the relationship. You may think that its moving slowly, but with you thinking about mairage so fast, it will be affecting your actions around your girl, and may be scaring her off.

[Free Lancer]

Hey

 

I know EXACTLY what you are going through... at school my friends are constantly come up to me and say ... so who is it this week... I change my mind ALL the time and if I DO go on a date with a guy I become disinterested after 2 weeks or less...

 

I've come to the conclusion that it is just a way to prevent myself from getting hurt (although I've never had a boyfriend before)... And when I do like a guy... I alwayz imagine senarios in which we (the guy and me) are together... not going as far as Marriage though...

 

But in your case and mine I think I might take my own advice.. I've been trying to...

Just go slowly... Have fun with your friends and when you least expect it a special someone will come along who effects you that little bit more than anyone else... and you'll just know that this is a long term thing

[Alabama]

I was the same way. It was all through my Junior Year of High School that I would like someone new it seemed every week and I would always have dreams of me actually having a relationship with one of my dream girls. I would always try to dream out possible outcomes to asking them out. All of them pretty much rejected me in the end. Yet I am still alive and I have moved on. I would say it is a way to defend yourself from rejection and once I stopped worrying about rejection, or if your in a relationship do not worry about so much about the future. You should enjoy your relationship and gradually talk with your partner after a proper time where things are going. If you dream of the future now and it does not turn out as you planned, then you will just get depressed. Anyway I hope this rambling helped you. Good luck in life!

[DH]

ugh i know just what you mean, i go through exactly the same thing. I think i did get to imagining the wedding day with 1 girl simply because when i saw her face it seemed to just fit into a bridal veil. just one of those faces i geuss

Just dont ask anyone out until u really get to know them or else you'll get the rep. of being desperate for a g/f. And remember, what you fantasize about isnt who they are, thats your perception of who they.

[goddess23]

hey first of all, about thinking about the future thats not an issue. but about liking all these girls, and going so far SO quickly in your mind is a problem, especially considering your current age. you do need to think seriously about who you deal with, and fantasizing about stuff isnt a problem, its when it does effect your expectations. just keep in mind what a real relationship entails, and that you're not a little kid anymore, that relationships could get serious, and if you're not ready to commit, then you should use your own discretion about that. personally i just cannot understand how people can like one person to another to another, ive only REALLY liked 2 guys in my life. but everyone is differnt, and that should change. but if you're not ready then thats fine, just go at your own pace, think about people seriously if you want to deal, and dont let your expectations be influenced by your fantasies.