I think my GF might feel guilty about something (LDR)

[kompking88]

Well my GF and I are currently in a LDR she lives in Switzerland, and I live in New York. Lately she has been acting kinda weird she is always asking me if I am cheating on her, and sometimes she would even get so sad that she would cry; what can do I about this I am really lost I don't know what to do I hate to see her cry but when I ask her why she think this way she only says " I KNOW YOU DID THIS THAT... WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME??" but she never explains what she is talking about, I love this girl so much I don't know what to do I feel like she maybe feels guilty about something she did and tries to blame me about it I am confused... Does anyone have any ideas of to what it's happening ?

 

thanks.

[sadchick83]

You can think your bf is cheating without actually being a cheater yourself. Maybe a friend of her's is involved with a cheater, or you yourself are off of your normal pattern. Why don't you reassure her that nothing is happening.

[kompking88]

She's been cheated on in the past, I tell her that she is the only one for me but she doesn't listen to me.

[imoutfront]

She's been cheated on in the past, I tell her that she is the only one for me but she doesn't listen to me.

 

I don't think she's necessarily feeling guilty about something she might have done. I think she's still just burned from this past relationship, and she's taken those insecure feelings over to your relationship. As someone who's also been cheated on, and was in a LDR (we were together for the first 14 months, then LDR for 2 months due to his job, now living together) I can understand her anxiety. But I had to constantly remind myself that my boyfriend is not my ex. He's a different person, and he hasn't given me any indication that he's ever cheated on me, nor would he. That doesn't mean I haven't occasionally slipped into my old paranoia. I recently checked his web browsing history, and I felt so horrible about it, that I admitted it to him. He felt a little betrayed, but I apologized and said I'd never do it again (and I won't!), we seem to be over it now.

 

I think you need to discuss with your GF. Calmly and kindly remind her that you are not her ex. You are two different people. It isn't fair that she treat the situation as if you were. If she wants to continue the relationship, she needs to find a way to get over what happened to her. Let her know that you'll be patient with her, but she needs to take some steps in the right direction. Don't feel like you have to apologize for her bad experience. It sucks, trust me, I know! It won't happen overnight (i.e. with my experience as an example!), but as long as she's being proactive and attempts to meet you halfway, then it's worth it. But if she isn't even willing to accept that her mindset is off, and that you're still somehow wrong, then perhaps it's time to reevaluate the relationship. Because someone like that isn't ready for a relationship, and it just wastes your time.

[OptomisticGirl]

If she's been cheated on in the past that could be it. Being in an LDR (especially of that mileage) magnifies issues you have with yourself, including trust issues when it comes to having previously been cheated on.