why some get over rejection easily and others don't

[phasegirl]

Why do some take longer to get over rejection, and others don't? For example, it took me about 4 years to completely get over my ex husband leaving, and I find that now it's taking me quite some time to get over one of my best friend's not wanting to be friends with me anymore. It was over nothing serious - after an argument where she stood me up and I confronted her - she basically asked that we don't be friends anymore.

 

When I think about the latter, it makes me so depressed. I ask questions like, "How can one love someone in one minute, and then the next they are despised", or

 

"Could it be me?"

 

Or,

 

"I wonder if they miss me..." (which I doubt otherwise they would have contacted me).

 

....things that in general make me lag behind recovery.

 

Yet other people take rejection so easily in the sense that they simply move on and that's it... why is this?

 

Could it be all insecurity? Where does insecurity come from :sad: Some people even become vindictive, because the pain of rejection hurts... and when one becomes vindictive - any chances of mending the relationship goes down the toilet...making things worse

 

Have any of you experienced this??

[ForumGuy]

It has to do with being able to take the attitude that it is "their loss" and life will continue with or without them, all stemming from being OK with yourself and who you are....self esteem I guess. As far as someone missing you.....if they don't contact you, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't miss you. Often times they are afraid to contact you for fear that you will reject them.....in other words, not willing to stick their neck out or eat their pride. Once someone to tells you, "I don't think we should be friends anymore" or "I don't want to be with you anymore", it requires them to "admit a mistake" of sorts in order to contact you. Many people don't like admitting mistakes. However, if you feel good about yourself and have self esteem, admitting mistakes is easier. MHO

[geekgirl4]

I think it takes some people longer because they linger over it too much instead of moving on. It's easier to linger than to face the realities of the situation and move on with life. Acceptance is a big part too. You have to accept that these things have happened and trying to mold the situation into something it's not will only hold you back.

[Tanzi]

I don't think you are any different from anyone else. I guess some people don't dwell on things for quite so long so are able to move on seemingly easier. Its not that they don't hurt as much, they are just able to forgive and forget quicker. I think I am an odd case. I am a dweller. I dwell on anything and everything ... and sometimes nothing!! When a relationship ends I think it holds me back. Having said that I was over my ex-husband completely in 6 months. All it took was for someone else to come into my life. I dwelled like mad for 6 months lol and then along came my ex and I moved on in as instant. When that relationship ended I went into "deep dwell" again and did so until my current bf came into my life 1.5 years later! We all cope in our own ways but my theory is that if you fill your life with as much activity as possible you won't have the time to dwell too much. Of course we have to have some initial pain but I am sure we can do things that can help speed up our recovery.

[SA2000]

I agree with Geekgirl & Forumguy. They key is to not dwell on things. If someone doesnt want to be a part of your life and appreciate your company and all that it brings you should be saying two words. "Oh well". I am sure there are plenty of people out there that do enjoy your company.

[Stay_home]

Self-esteem.

 

When you're high on your own love for yourself, it's hard for somebody else to convince you otherwise. You know who you are and what you possess and you don't lose sight of that.