Jealousy of Girlfriend's status and commitment

[the iguana]

I'm a college student man dating a college student woman. We've been together for the past 9 months, but before had been friends. Lately i've been getting really upset with her for everything that happens good with her. Its odd, like a feeling of emasculating - feeling belittled by her good fortune and my usually bad luck. For example, i work but my job won't let me have any more than 20 - 30 hours, but her job lets her go over 40 hours, get overtime, and to really sock it to me, she makes great tips.

 

Whenever she comes home and tells me about it (we don't live together, still with our parents) online, i get jealous and act really pissed off. Partly because she picks hours that are debilitating for her sleep pattern, (and consequently mine too), and also partly because i feel that since i will be the breadwinner someday, that i should be making more than her.

 

Now it sounds as if im acting on jealousy alone. But theres more:

 

See, i come from a family where my dad works and somewhat ok job, and my mom works a low paying job like i do. We don't make alot: we have a small house, cars that are close to a decade years old, and we don't go on vacation or anything. On top of that, my dad's been unemployed for close to two years. Her dad works, makes alot of money, and her mom is a homemaker. But they seem to be wealthy or loaded (from cars, vacations and the college they send her). Whenever i go on dates with her, i pay, as if i have alot of money (which most goes to paying student loans), she never offers to pay. My friends girlfriends usually try to go dutch, because they feel its right to help them out. But my girl doesn't do that, in fact i over heard her saying to her friends to make their boys pay for them. Its not that im cheap, rather, i want the opportunity to be chivalrous and say 'don't worry ill pay for you.' but i dont get that. Also, she's never spend a dime on me, birthday, food, nothing. Though i've often given her creative gifts (im a graphics student) and try to do fun things. lately i've tried to make it a point not spend any money on her.

 

For work, this summer i told her to have at least mondays free to do day trips. WHile i've been commital in that respect, shes often been trying to 'cover' for sick people, taking over their waitressing shift, and pulling off full-weekers. It makes me sick to think that i sacrifice time and (money made from that time) to do things with her and she wants to work instead. Ive approached her several times with this as well, and she made the excuse of needing the money for college, which is ironic because her parents pay for everything: car, gas, college, etc. Shes got her pretty little behind covered in every facet. Lately i've been asking her when her days off were, and to spite her i try to 'cover' somebody at work on her days off. Usually she gets reallly mad about it. But i do that anyway. She tends to stay extra hours at work, hopeing to milk the clock, yet visits me and tries to convince me to get out earlier than my shift. I just find it hard to sleep at night thinking about how she hoped during the school year that we could do things and spend alot of time together, and when i make the time, i get pissed on. I think someone must have waylaid my old girlfriend and replaced her with a droid. Seriously.

 

yet this girl seems awfully loving and tolerant of me and my jealous behavior...

 

what the hell should i do? dump her or keep her?

[evepm]

Dear the iguana:

 

As far as you being the breadwinner, you need to come into the 21st century. It doesn't matter who makes more money and you shouldn't get jealous of her accomplishments. If you truly care for her than you need to put your feelings of being emasculated aside and be supportive. That goes with this girl or anyone else you get involved with.

 

It sounds like your girl is clueless about money. You guys seem to come from two totally different backgrounds and I doubt that she has seen enough of the world to understand this.

 

I can't believe that she has never gotten you anything for your birthday or that she can't understand your money situation even after you've explained it to her. I have a boyfriend whose company downsized, so he's looking for a job. I know that money is tight for him so I ALWAYS offer to go dutch or pay the bill. Eventhough I know he rarely excepts. In my mind this is just common courtesy, as well as, a way for us to have fun during this rough patch.

 

Your girl seems extremely self-centered. Talk to her again and really lay it on line about the money situation. I hope I helped.

 

 

Take Care,

Eve

[the iguana]

Thats another thing. I wholly respect the 21st century woman, but i don't know if she does. She pokes me every once in awhile and says 'haha, im the breadwinner, haha' and shows me her 700 dollar a week checks when im holding my 300, kinda hard to ignore the truth...

 

From what i hear from her girlfriends (who secretly tell me things she says behind my back) she expects guys to be teh payers of everything. I would fork out, but i don't live with her, and she's not my wife. She's the one who liked me to begin with, and was up to the point of asking me out when i asked her first. Now i have to pay for someone i wasn't interested in to begin with? Sounds like a free ride to me.

 

Ill sacrifice my all (money, heart, etc) when she has a ring on her finger, but she has to earn it first. Her future plan is to become a homemaker, just like her mom, yet is going to college. Not quite the 21st century / equal rights feminist way of thinking either, but my mom used to be homemaker so i'm quite fine with it...no...encourage it, when i have children.

[evepm]

She has no respect. She sounds like a spoiled brat and how totally mannerless is it to flaunt money in your face?

 

Sounds like this girl is a user and a LOSER. So my advice is to lose her.

 

Take Care of YOU!

 

Eve

[the iguana]

Actually it was interesting, yesterday i went to visit her while she was working. And i ordered a small 4 dollar meal, but i left her a 3 dollar tip. She always told me that i shouldn't leave a tip because it all goes to the same place. and i said 'yeah, in your pocket' but when i left her the tip (70%) she walked by and said 'don't leave me anything' but then i got up to go to the bathroom, upon return, i saw my check there on the table and the dollars gone. Now, i'll admit, she gave ME crappy service, she deserved only 10 percent max. I'm generous, but even last night when she came back she made no mention of returning the tip. I don't really want her to return it, but its the thought i'm looking for. After all, like i said before i pay for basically all our dates, so you would think it would be a kind gesture of acknowledgement.

 

sigh, you're right, ditch the bi*ch. I told this to an old man at work (successfully married) and he said ' although she loves you, sounds like she loves money, i say prioritize yourself...don't leave work to see her early, because she won't do that back. make her miss you.'

 

i should listen to my elders