Lovestoned26 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Is It Just Me...Or is it the people that I choose to call my friends? I will try to make this as brief as possible. Over the years I've learned NOT to expect anything from anyone and it's an everyday struggle. A dear friend of mine is as complicated as I am but in a very subtle kind of way. NYE I sent all my close friends a text wishing them well and all that jazz. Everyone else replied except for her and her sister. A day later I had to ask her if she got my message. Her response was that she was very impressed with my use of Spanish (her and her sister are Latin so I sent the message in Spanish). But that was the extent of her acknowledgment. So, fast forward to today, I asked her why she didn't respond and she explained to me that she's not into the holidays except for thanksgiving. Now I'm no Mother Theresa but that's kind of rude in my book. Wouldn't it have been easier to let me know about her holiday preferences earlier on? She could have fooled me with the NYE parties she's thrown over the years. Am I looking into this too much or does the act of ignoring other peoples messages because they do not coincide with your preferences seem kind of rude? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I dont have expectations of people. Then they dont let me down! I just treat others how I wanna be treated and hope for the best. She didnt need to ignore it, she could have replied explaining her reasons for not wanting to reply in the same vain etc. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I think you're looking waaaay too much into it!! I texted my four SISTERS on NYE and 2 of them texted me back. I wasn't offended, hurt, didn't ask them about it and am not remotely concerned that they have not told me about any preferences they have regarding holidays or texting. It was gesture from me to them with no expectations of something back. Do I think your friends need to let you know how they feel about holidays in advance? Not even a little bit. Move on. Link to comment
Theankh Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 You're overreacting. You sent a generic new years mass message, then waited to see who would respond, on new years eve, arguably a time when some people might not be constantly checking their phones and perhaps doing something sociable, and when one girl didn't, you then asked her not just once but twice about why she didn't respond to your generic new years mass message. She's not the one being rude here. My boyfriend and I spent new years eve inside with each other. I like my friends, but I'm not wasting credit on responding individually to every single new years message I got, since as with your message, I know that they have clicked 'send to all' and put no more thought into it than that. Additionally - we originally planned to throw a new years party because it's a good excuse for a party, not because we especially like new years eve. Some people enjoy a good party but aren't that bothered by the actual season. The amount of thought and energy you're putting into this is far too much. She probably has no real problem with new years, but felt she needed to say something because you wouldn't get off her back about why she had something better to do than respond to your generic mass message. Seriously, unless you sent her an individual essay about what a wonderful friend she's been, why does it matter if she responded or not anyway? Maybe she was having sex. Maybe her phone provider got so jammed with messages that she didn't get yours till gone midnight and couldn't be bothered to respond that late. Maybe she didn't think it warranted a response because she probably got several messages saying exactly the same thing. You need to stop putting so much importance into something so simple. She probably had no more thought about this than to read your message, think 'that's nice' then put her phone down and go do something with the people she was actually with. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 First, I have to thank you for your response. Second, it wasn't a mass message. It was a message tailored specifically for her and her sister only; given that we are so close. I may be reading way too much into it but like SapphireNoir10 said, treating others the way I would like to be treated is how I live my life. I was not looking for an over sympathetic response and I didn't expect one either. Again, thank you for your response. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 My thought's exactly but eh...I'm moving on. Thanks I dont have expectations of people. Then they dont let me down! I just treat others how I wanna be treated and hope for the best. She didnt need to ignore it, she could have replied explaining her reasons for not wanting to reply in the same vain etc. Link to comment
Theankh Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Individual message or not, I still think it is a massive overreaction to get so upset about her not responding. Not to mention then hounding her about it. For all you know, she read the message and thought it was very nice, but didn't feel any need to respond right that second. Perhaps she would even have just thanked you when she next saw you. Or maybe your personal message was a little too personal and she felt awkward trying to respond to it. Who knows? Either way, it seems like a really silly thing to make a big deal about. You didn't handwrite a letter and personally deliver it, you just sent her a text. Are you honestly that bothered? Link to comment
savignon Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Why would someone ever take the time to respond to explain why they're not responding? That's a little silly. She didn't think it was important to respond and shouldn't really have to explain herself about a text message!! I agree that she was probably put off by being asked twice about it and had to think on her feet/make something up. "Treat others as you would like to be treated"....wouldn't you like your friends to know you well enough to not doubt the integrity of your relationship over a text message??? I would think my friend was losing her marbles if they asked me twice why I didn't respond to a "Happy New Year" text. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I completely understand where you're coming from and I can't say I am that bothered about it to hound her twice. We do have a very close relationship where we can talk about any and everything without fear of reciprocity. With that said, she is the type of individual who wants to be informed about every little detail with nothing left out. Knowing my friend, if the shoe were on the other foot I'd hear about it. This is the first time something like this has come up and I just wanted to get a feel as to whether it wasn't a big deal or not. Individual message or not, I still think it is a massive overreaction to get so upset about her not responding. Not to mention then hounding her about it. For all you know, she read the message and thought it was very nice, but didn't feel any need to respond right that second. Perhaps she would even have just thanked you when she next saw you. Or maybe your personal message was a little too personal and she felt awkward trying to respond to it. Who knows? Either way, it seems like a really silly thing to make a big deal about. You didn't handwrite a letter and personally deliver it, you just sent her a text. Are you honestly that bothered? Link to comment
MasterPo Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I noticed that as the years went by, people don't reach out that much anymore. Big generalization I know so take it as that. If you want people that appreciate it each other, in my humble experience, you'll find it in military units, Police or Emergency Medical fields. Tight clannish groups so to speak. Having said that ENA is sort of that way as well, alot of people do notice when someone isn't coming around anymore so there's hope. Wish you well. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Gotcha...Thanks I noticed that as the years went by, people don't reach out that much anymore. Big generalization I know so take it as that. If you want people that appreciate it each other, in my humble experience, you'll find it in military units, Police or Emergency Medical fields. Tight clannish groups so to speak. Having said that ENA is sort of that way as well, alot of people do notice when someone isn't coming around anymore so there's hope. Wish you well. Link to comment
phasegirl Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I don't think she's getting upset, it's just a simple question. I mean, it depends on how much you care about the person whether you will care if they bother to respond or not. If someone you really love or care about didn't respond to a text message of yours, wouldn't it affect you somewhat the same way it has affected lovedstoned? She did say it wasn't a mass message. I don't know, but I would be hurt by the lack of response. Now, I wouldn't go around mentioning it to people in real life, but over the internet is definitely the place I'd ask about it. I don't think lovestoned did anything or is feeling anything out of the ordinary. Individual message or not, I still think it is a massive overreaction to get so upset about her not responding. Not to mention then hounding her about it. For all you know, she read the message and thought it was very nice, but didn't feel any need to respond right that second. Perhaps she would even have just thanked you when she next saw you. Or maybe your personal message was a little too personal and she felt awkward trying to respond to it. Who knows? Either way, it seems like a really silly thing to make a big deal about. You didn't handwrite a letter and personally deliver it, you just sent her a text. Are you honestly that bothered? Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Thanks Phasegirl...so it isn't just me? The reason why I was a tad bothered about it is because my friend demands all knowledge about what I do and how I do it and why I do it. With that in mind you would think that sharing is something she would do but it's not and I always have to find out this way; I do something, she doesn't respond and I'm left trying to figure out what went wrong only to have her divulge some info about how she truly feels. It's just a bit immature but that's just my opinion. My friend knows me well enough to know that unanswered anything annoys the crap out of me; this is not the first time we've met lol. And yes, I do care about her a whole lot. Despite her shortcomings, as we all have, she is a great person. I don't want to deteriorate our friendship over a silly text I just wanted the forums opinion as to whether I was being irrational or not. So the consensus is 50/50 I can live with that... I don't think she's getting upset, it's just a simple question. I mean, it depends on how much you care about the person whether you will care if they bother to respond or not. If someone you really love or care about didn't respond to a text message of yours, wouldn't it affect you somewhat the same way it has affected lovedstoned? She did say it wasn't a mass message. I don't know, but I would be hurt by the lack of response. Now, I wouldn't go around mentioning it to people in real life, but over the internet is definitely the place I'd ask about it. I don't think lovestoned did anything or is feeling anything out of the ordinary. Link to comment
Theankh Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 If someone you really love or care about didn't respond to a text message of yours, wouldn't it affect you somewhat the same way it has affected lovedstoned? Maybe if I was texting them telling them something incredibly important and life-changing. Over a new years text? No. Because that would overemotional. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 We get it Theankh, you've got better things to do with your time than worry about NYE texts. However, you are missing the point of my question. It was not the NYE text or any other text that bothered me. It is the ACT of not responding. In a day and age where people rely on third party communication to convey whatever that needs to be said, a massive amount of miscommunication is adapted along the way. So taking some time to translate some text and hit send may not have taken me two years but it came straight from the heart with nothing but good intentions. My friend is a very meticulous person, and so am I; this is what makes us great friends. Over the years we have learned much about each other and this was just one more thing that I had to learn. Like I said before, in the past she has thrown NYE parties that I've attended so her not being into NYE is a new thing. Given this fact, she had two options: say thank you (which requires next to no effort) or let me know what her newfound stance on NYE is. The former would have resulted in a smile from me. If it had been the latter I would make a note for the future and go on with whatever it is I was doing at the time. The intricacies that embody each one of us as individuals is what makes the world go round. Taking the time out to know the people around me by knowledge of what makes them who they are is not something that I can apologize for, I respect it in all facets. I just ask that others do the same for me. If you and I were friends I would still send you that message with the same intent and if you didn't respond it would not phase me one bit because I would already know your response preferences. That's all... Maybe if I was texting them telling them something incredibly important and life-changing. Over a new years text? No. Because that would overemotional. Link to comment
preciousgirl82 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 All of this proves why our society is so screwed up these days. We rely on text messaging, emailing, instant messaging etc...WAAAAY too much! Its like nobody communicates verbally much anymore and therefore many people struggle with basic social skills. This is all a communication problem between you and your friend. Everyone, including myself, needs to put down the key pad and actually call and talk to those closest to them. Im only 28yo but i will happily sound like my mother when i say: I pity the next generation! Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Fine!! *stepping slowly away from the keyboard* ;-) All of this proves why our society is so screwed up these days. We rely on text messaging, emailing, instant messaging etc...WAAAAY too much! Its like nobody communicates verbally much anymore and therefore many people struggle with basic social skills. This is all a communication problem between you and your friend. Everyone, including myself, needs to put down the key pad and actually call and talk to those closest to them. Im only 28yo but i will happily sound like my mother when i say: I pity the next generation! Link to comment
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