Asked out on a date but... eh

[user1988]

Recently a coworker who I've been talking to back and forth about very random things has asked me out on a date. Here's the problem, I'm not one to just casually date, I think ahead and see if there's a future with that person before I'll even consider the date. I just don't want to waste time with someone when I know it won't go anywhere, break ups are unpredictable but if you know you'll never be together from the very beginning then why bother?

 

Anyways, he is an adorable guy, very sweet and funny and has this boyish charm about him that does bring a smile to my face. The problem is he's Arab and I know for sure this will never work out, I'm free to marry who I want but I know he's not. I know it's just a date but like I said I don't want to invest time in something that doesn't go anywhere. When I was 17 I dated someone like this, parents wanted him to be with a girl from the same nationality so we had to sneak around for 2 years. I don't want that anymore, I don't want that drama.

 

I'm purposely mean to him, I purposely ignore his texts. I purposely pretend I don't know what he's talking about when he throws hints my way. But that doesn't seem to affect him at all. Tonight he told me he had full admiration and respect for me and I replied saying shouldn't he save that for a nice Arab girl, which he didn't respond to.

 

Am I just being silly for thinking this way? I don't want to hurt anyone, I especially don't want to hurt myself. I just got out of a 2 yrs relationship in September and the pain is still there, I do get butterflies when I see him but feelings can go away if you don't invest too much time in them.

 

The date is set for this Thursday but if he doesn't respond to my last text because he either gets it now or is offended by what I said then it's off. Either way, am I just being stupid?

[ny guy]

Tell him how you feel, don't be a * * * * * to him.

[Happens4aReason]

Actually I agree with you.. In certain parts of the world, the parents want their child to marry someone from the same culture and they are quite strict about it.. Religious factors should also not be ignored... I am out from a breakup which was due to religious differences, and I was playing a drama for 2 years (as her parents did not know of us).. It hurt a lot, but now I learned that I should choose my future partners carefully.. I would agree with you saying that if you see that there is no way this is gonna work out due to some FUNDAMENTAL and unchangeable factors, why bother wasting time on it..

 

If you tell him that the cultural factors are keeping you from dating him, he might try to downplay their importance.. Just make sure that you get the point accross so that even he could spend his efforts on someone with whom he actually can have a future with..

[TidalWave]

Actually I agree with you.. In certain parts of the world, the parents want their child to marry someone from the same culture and they are quite strict about it.. Religious factors should also not be ignored... I am out from a breakup which was due to religious differences, and I was playing a drama for 2 years (as her parents did not know of us).. It hurt a lot, but now I learned that I should choose my future partners carefully.. I would agree with you saying that if you see that there is no way this is gonna work out due to some FUNDAMENTAL and unchangeable factors, why bother wasting time on it..

 

First of all, YOUR LIFE is about YOU. NOT your parents or ANYONE else. Your parents gave you birth and took care of you and that's about it... You are not their slave, you are not obligated to do as they say. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES. And it gets even worse if you let such pile of cr*p, which religion is, rule your life.

 

I had no intentions of posting, until this reply. Because it really got me angry. I can't even say I'm typing this with respect, because I don't have any respect for stupidity.

 

Again, YOUR LIFE = YOU. Nobody else. There's nothing above it. So whatever people say, ef them. Follow your heart, believe in You.

[oldenoughtoknow]

You never mentioned if you REALLY talked to him about your concerns. Maybe his family is different from your shadow relationship at 17. Maybe he would just be interested in an occasional friend/dinner companion. If you've covered all of this with him and gotten the wrong answers and he's still pursuing you, then there's not much more you can do than call the "date" off.