earning trust

[otterloo]

to make a long story short, about 4 months back my girlfriend (of 3+ years) and i broke up over trust issues. i take full responsibility for our breakup as i was the untrustworthy one. i kept secrets but have come clean and in these past 4 months i think that i have really changed and i really want to be with her again. she says that she loves me still but doesn't know if she will ever trust me again. she wants to be friends and see where it goes from there. i think that we can really be happy together and that i can provide the honesty that she seeks and deserves, but i do not know how to prove it.

 

any ideas? i am going to be there for her as much as possible and try to be a fun guy to be around but i really don't know much else that i can do. i am ready to put my all into being more romantic, trustworthy and loving, but how can i do all of this as a friend. it is hard to be patient when i love her so much.

[Gilgamesh]

Well other than whatever it is you did to make her not trust you, just be yourself, after all thats the part that she still loves about you.

 

You didnt state what it was that brought up these trust issues, I assume the worst, these things are difficult to get over, so give it plenty time. To build trust after something like this can take a long time, so if your GF acts a little different now dont be surprised or upset, its to be expected. Fact is things may never be as they were before, only time will tell.

[otterloo]

i wasn't cheating on her but i'd rather not talk about what i did or didn't do. i have changed but you are right i must just be myself because she did fall in love with who i am and give it time. thank you for your advice. i am not looking for a quick fix but i hope that in time we can build a trust that is stonger than ever.

[brokenpogostick]

I am in the same boat as you otterloo, only i am the female of the situation. as far as i know, my bf didn't cheat on me, but he was calling a couple ex's quite a bit & lying about it which makes him shady in my book. we are trying to recover from all this, but it's taking me a long time. it's hard for me to forget these things, i think about them quite a bit and everytime i do, i hurt more & bring the bad subject up again & that makes him mad. right now we're together, but things are starting to go into a downward spiral at a very rapid rate. i want to trust him again, but it's the fact that i don't know what's next, i don't know what else he might say or do to hurt me. makes me back off a bit, makes me nervous.

 

will i be able to trust him again...most likely...how long will it take...i don't know...the sooner the better. what i can tell you is that as far as i know he's had no contact with these people since the fight erupted and that is good, he's genuinely apologized for what he did and that says a lot.

 

i 110% agree that you need to show her romance, remorse & trustworthyness and she'll probably come back to you...i wish that i could say she'd be back to "normal" today, but that's unlikely...hang in there, everything will work out fine.