Serous Jelousy, HELP PLZ

[Just A Teen]

Hello,

Im 14 almost 15 and me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost a month and I Love her like crazy..... Her and I were practically together for 2 months before our month but it wasn't official dating. We both have a big problem with jelousy. The slightest thing sets me off and I dont know why. She even mentions a name and I become silent or use it against her. On the other hand she says she has to worry about more, because a lot of girls like me and girls in this city are known to get what they want. Shes worried about that but, I know that I am all for a Manogamus relationship. That and i would never ever cheat on a girl....So why am i so jelous of the slightest things? And we've both already talked about it together... That and we get in huge arguments over it... and it always ends up that were both jelous.........so can anyone help? Thanks!

[butterflykiss04]

jelousy is ussually a sing of insequirity and that you dont trust each other and if you dont trust each other you have nothing.

[ComputerGuy]

It's a trust issue but its also an insecurity issue. You both need to sit down and explain the way you feel about things to each other. Explain to her that you feel jealous but that you understand and your trying not too, and that it's only because your scared of losing her. By what you've said, it seems she feels the same way. I can tell it's more a "I trust you but don't trust them" sort of issue. Explain to each other that neither of you have to worry. Trust is important, and it's something that get's stronger with time.

 

Another important factor is communication, in a situation like this, you need to be able to discuss it between you if you want it to work. Being able to talk about anything, anytime, without getting upset and keeping a logical view on things will ultimately make or break a relationship. Problems occur between even the most devoted and loving couples from time to time. What makes them last is the ability to work through this together.

[Scout]

Hey, what city do you live in?? If girls are known to get what they want there, I'm moving there today!!!

[cp4200]

First of all, this "love" that you mention for her is out of line. Bluntly, you are too young to know what love really is about. What you see on TV, movies and other avenues is misleading.

 

Bluntly stated, at your age, it's all about raging hormones and infatuations more than it is love.................

 

Agree with the others, that jealousy is a sign of insecurity, yours not hers. If you lack the confidence in yourself, then you will assume and fear that every thing she does or says will be the end of your relationship. She has a life to experience, and maybe she doesn't want to get into a serious relationship. Have you given this some thought? Don't be offended or disappointed if that is what it may be about. She, like you and others your peer group like to keep their options open, and that is probably a good thing.

 

At your age, don't sweat it, enjoy it. As I said, you are too young to know love, but you can understand crushes, infatuations and other aspects. Accept it for what it is, and what it can be. Fun and a learning growth experience. I would be willing to place a bet that in a year or less it will be over and both of you will be seeing others. If it does happen, stay friends. It helps to have girls as good friends in school.

 

At your age, don't take life and relationships so seriously. Enjoy the moment and the opportunity to grow and share experiences in life. It's not the end of the world, and you will date other girls.........

 

CP

[linzi]

me and my boyfiend have the same problem. has anything triggerd this off? me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 month and i still can't trust him. I get jealous if he even looks at another lass. I spend nites crying myself to sleep or rining him up at 3 in da morning and askin him who he's with. I know it sounds stupid but it's something we have to get over or lose them and i know we both don't want that. pm me some time Thats only if u want !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cp4200]

Linzi,

 

It sounds like you're the one with the insecurity problem. If he has not given you any reason to not trust him, then you have got to get over it and trust him. Guys will always look, just as girls will. It's the old, you can look, but don't touch thing.

 

Reread my earler post on this thread, and see if it applies to you. You're still way to young to be "that serious" about boys.

 

Teenage relationships are more about self discovery and learning who you are as a person, and what you want to do later in life. It is a growth experience, and the sooner you realize that a boy, in your case, is not going to make you the person you want to be. Relationships in your teen years is more about nurturing and support, to satisfy the hormonal and emotional rages that you are now experiencing.

 

The teen years are perhaps the most difficult time for everyone. You feel alone, different and support, such as peer groups and bf/gf relationships seem to be the most important thing. Well, it's not. If you break up, it's not the end of the world, it's a new beginning. You will be better for it in the next relationship because you will have grown and matured.

 

As I said before, youth is too young to know what love is about, it's more about feelings for a person, infatuation, and the various insecurities that are associated with growing up.

 

If you don't learn to trust him, you will lose him. It's a double edge sword, because trust means that you have to expose your tender heart to the risk of it being hurt if that trust is violated. Everyone will be hurt at some point in time, that's just a part of life. The sooner you learn to deal with your insecurities, jealousy and the trust issues, the better off you will be later in life. Do a little mirror talk with yourself, write down how you feel, and why. It will help you to figure out the basis for your insecurity.

 

CP