confused about BF's behavior

[miie]

In the past i've always gave in to him, sat around waiting for him, expects me to drop everything. So this time i was trying to stand my ground, and say no and offer another day instead of being so available. But it seems to have annoyed him.

 

I stayed over his place Saturday night, on Sunday i asked if he wanted to get lunch later on etc. He told me he couldn't as he might be catching up with a friend for lunch so i had to go. At about 6pm, he texts me saying he got the day wrong and if he can come over. I had just started doing stuff around the house etc and asked him to come over the next day and we can get dinner. He agrees.

 

That day comes and he tells me he isn't sure if he is coming around that night. I still haven't heard by 6pm and text him to see if he is coming and say its ok if you cant, i can come to yours tomorrow if you want etc. I get a reply with 'Im not'.

 

So, the next day comes, and i had no real response about me going over to his that night and didn't hear from him at all, so i didn't bother, and then at 8pm i get a text saying 'wern't you coming over'.

 

Would it best to just let him be for a few days and give him space or something?

[DrKitten]

Just sounds like miscommunication/conflicting schedules. Text messages are often misinterpreted. Just reply to his text with a yes or no, and do accordingly. No need to make a conflict out of it.

[Stay_home]

Sounds like he may have dropped the ball on this one.

[addictedblue]

Seems like the two of you should talk on the phone instead of text.

[pinkelephant]

seems like it's a power struggle between the two of you.

[miie]

I cant see how us speaking on the phone would have helped. And there was no way of misinterpreting the text messages. They were only a few words each. Im not worried that i didn't go over, or he didn't come over. its not that.

 

Its how he goes and makes plans, which is fine, but when they fall through, he comes to me and expects me to drop everything. And when i didn't, he gets annoyed. When i told him to make it the next day i got hounded with questions about what i was doing, who was i seeing, what was his name. But then when he can't say 'yeah come over' and doesn't contact me all day, but still expected me to go over to his house with out actually telling me it was ok. He doesn't live around the corner, its a 30 minute drive, and im sorry but im not driving up there to find out he isn't home. He's done that and drove all the way to mine only to find out that i wasn't home and then gets angry at me for having to drive all the way, even when i had no idea he was coming.

[miie]

seems like it's a power struggle between the two of you.

 

How could you have possibly got that from what i wrote?

 

He wants the power. When i stand up and say no, he sulks. Im tried of bending over backwards for him and always being available when he wants, and when i do that and say im busy (like he does many times), he gets annoyed.

[miie]

No need to make a conflict out of it.

 

I never said i was.

[ToF]

He wants the power. When i stand up and say no, he sulks. Im tried of bending over backwards for him and always being available when he wants, and when i do that and say im busy (like he does many times), he gets annoyed.

 

To me, this is the definition of a power struggle. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or that it's your fault ... but it is what it is. He wants power, you're sick of him taking all the power, so you stand up to him, to which he replies with passive-agressiveness. Power struggle. It happens ALL THE TIME in pretty much any relationship.

 

Have you tried sitting down with him and having an open discussion about this?

[Jd1983]

For future reference, when you're about to meet up with him, I think it's best that you just call him on the phone, that way there won't be any misunderstandings on either party.

[miie]

To me, this is the definition of a power struggle. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or that it's your fault ... but it is what it is. He wants power, you're sick of him taking all the power, so you stand up to him, to which he replies with passive-agressiveness. Power struggle. It happens ALL THE TIME in pretty much any relationship.

 

Have you tried sitting down with him and having an open discussion about this?

 

I get what you mean, but im not after the 'power'. He might be, but im just want it to be more equal and none of this double standard stuff.

 

ha, i can see how that would go...him pulling a face like 'what the hell are you talking about' and refusing to acknowledge that there is any truth to what im saying.

[miie]

For future reference, when you're about to meet up with him, I think it's best that you just call him on the phone, that way there won't be any misunderstandings on either party.

 

It'd be easier yes, but he doesn't like speaking on the phone. I can count the number of times we've spoken on the phone in 2 years on one hand!

[DrKitten]

I get what you mean, but im not after the 'power'. He might be, but im just want it to be more equal and none of this double standard stuff.

 

ha, i can see how that would go...him pulling a face like 'what the hell are you talking about' and refusing to acknowledge that there is any truth to what im saying.

 

Then it sounds like he doesn't respect your opinion. If this is how he typically acts, it's definitely far from equal and certainly not healthy. Any decent boyfriend would at least listen and be considerate of your feelings, even if he doesn't agree with them.

[ToF]

I get what you mean, but im not after the 'power'. He might be, but im just want it to be more equal and none of this double standard stuff.

 

ha, i can see how that would go...him pulling a face like 'what the hell are you talking about' and refusing to acknowledge that there is any truth to what im saying.

 

Is this how all your communication goes? If so, how do you solve any of the problems that arise in the relationship? You may want to address this.