Help....is he coming back

[mlchildr]

I just wanted to say that this board has helped me out so much. My ex and I broke up in February. So it has been about 5 months since the split. Three days after we split he was already dating someone else. This made it extremley hard for me. We got back together twice for 2 days at the most and he would always break up with her spend two days with me and then go back to her. Finally i couldn't take it cut all contact which was so hard and changed my phone number just recently.

 

Yesterday he called me at work because he had tried my cell phone and it had been cut off and he wanted to know why. We ended up talking for an hour and he came over to my house last night and one thing led to another and we slept together. He is still with this other woman but says he is so unhappy and i honestly think he is finally realizing what he had in me. Just comments he made last night make me think that he is still in love with me. We were together for 2 years. He says that i am his best friend and nobody understands him like i do.

 

Someone told him that i was engaged and i think that freaked him out. I am no where neard engaged and not even dating anyone. He told me that hurt him a lot. I don't know what to do. I had given up all hope of us ever getting back together but if this is my chance i don't want to mess it up. What do i do

[Hopingpraying]

Mlchildr,

 

Its not what you must do, but what he has to do for the two of you to ge back together. You are single, he is not. You want him back in your life, obviously he is not sure.

What was the reason for the original breakup? Have those issues been resolved? Did you change your behavior? Did he change his? Did you breakup with him, or did he breakup with you?

Unless those issues of the original breakup are resolved the two of you may get back together but only end up hurting each other again.

In the meantime, stop the friends with benefits routine. It only confuses you more and gives him exactly what he wants. He will never have to make a decision if you are giving him what he wants.

If he truly loves you, and you understand him like no one else, then he will come back to you. Have faith in that!!

[mlchildr]

Hope & Praying,

 

Thanks for the advice. I broke up with him because we were arguing all the time and spent way to much time together. We needed a break. He also needed to be put on medicine for anxiety but would never do it and it caused a lot of problems because he wasn't himself. He is now on medicine and i have been through counseling to try to work through problems i had. I think we both have chcnged and grew. I don't want to be the other woman and won't. I guess i just don't understand what his motives are for getting back in touch.

[jazzman]

mlchildr,

 

Your story sounds a lot like what happened to me last year, with a few changes of course. I met a girl at work when I got hired several years ago and we became really good friends. We hung out often and eventually she confessed she had feelings for me. We started dating and dated for 5 months. When it was good, it was great, but when it was bad, it was BAD. In the end we broke up and then one day she says she wants me back. I believe her, but the very next day I catch her with ANOTHER GUY FROM OUR OFFICE! We talked about it, she said she wanted me, and so that was that. But then I caught them coming into work together... in one car... The cycle of her saying "I want you" followed by "I am spending the night with him" went on for 4 weeks. Finally one day she kisses me and tells me she wants me, but the next night she doesn't return my calls and I later find out it's because he came over and they were spending the night together! I cut contact. Once or twice she tried to talk to me, find out what was going on in my life, find out from friends/co-workers if I was dating and who it was and what they were like, etc. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done to remain 100% detached from her. When my friend used to call and say she told him something about her life I would tell him I didn't want to hear it. It's been over one year now and I haven't spoken a single word to her (outside of any work related conversations that we have to have) in that time. I ended up meeting someone else and right now I'm very happy with my girlfriend and we're talking about a house, and next year an engagement.

 

I guess the moral of my long winded story is that if he wants you he'd make an honest effort. If he tells you "I want you instead of her" and still goes back to her, he doesn't mean it, because who knows what he's telling her. If he's cheating on her with you, how do you know he wouldn't cheat on you with her if you got back together?

 

I don't want to sound mean or negative, but our stories sound very similar and I know from experience that for me cutting the ex out of my life was the best thing I could do. It was the hardest thing, but it was the best thing. Because I work with them both, I know they're still together, but it doesn't upset me any longer. There are still days I wonder "What if", but then I just look at all my girlfriend and I have and I know I made the right choice.

 

He isn't respecting you, so it's up to you to respect yourself and make the decisions that are best for YOU, not for him.

 

Good luck