flower888 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 i just came accross the issue that if your significant half gives you 50% of the time heaven and 50% hell, it could be he/she has personality disorder. it is just not logical and normal to love a person so much one day, but another day could turn so hostile and mean. my ex was like this for the past 4 years, everytime i ended up blaming myself and doing tons of self-improvement. even he noticed i had improved a lot, but guess what, our relationship did not improve. as our feelings deepened over the years, the hurt also deepened when little conflicts arised and he treated me like crap. during good times i could feel he really love me, i just did not understand how he can treat someone he loves so much in such a mean way over a small conflict. i finally took the courage to leave him, and i conclude today that he has personality disorder. over the 4 years i blamed myself, i must be not good enough, i didn't do it right, must be my mistake. i must be wrong to ask for some support for my PMS etc etc. i will make sure i walk on egg shells, be careful of every word i say so that i don't screw things up so that we would not break up. i finally tell myself i do not have a problem. i still feel sad and there is still a lot of healing to do. i am already in mild depression but i am determined to get well. if you have the same experience could you share some advice here? Link to comment
ut804 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 well there are different types of personality disorders (histrionic, narcissistic, borderline, schizoid, etc.). Could also be a mood disorder (bipolar). Or it could be no disorder at all, you would really have to speak with a pschologist. its hard to say because you really didn't provide too much information.. Link to comment
ut804 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 also, could drug use play a role? Link to comment
Yaz Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 It could be you with a disorder? Just a suggestion... Work on yourself, not him. Link to comment
stu1066 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 I am not going to diagnose here, but if you suspect you SO has a personality disorder, I suggest you google bpd family, and join the message boards, they are very well equipped to help you through this, incidentally there is a personality disorder book called stop walkin on eggshells, toxic relationships erode your self esteem you need to learn how to maintain boundaries and protect your self esteem, I also suggest you look into co dependency for your own well being, Link to comment
stu1066 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 i just came accross the issue that if your significant half gives you 50% of the time heaven and 50% hell, it could be he/she has personality disorder. it is just not logical and normal to love a person so much one day, but another day could turn so hostile and mean. my ex was like this for the past 4 years, everytime i ended up blaming myself and doing tons of self-improvement. even he noticed i had improved a lot, but guess what, our relationship did not improve. as our feelings deepened over the years, the hurt also deepened when little conflicts arised and he treated me like crap. during good times i could feel he really love me, i just did not understand how he can treat someone he loves so much in such a mean way over a small conflict. i finally took the courage to leave him, and i conclude today that he has personality disorder. over the 4 years i blamed myself, i must be not good enough, i didn't do it right, must be my mistake. i must be wrong to ask for some support for my PMS etc etc. i will make sure i walk on egg shells, be careful of every word i say so that i don't screw things up so that we would not break up. i finally tell myself i do not have a problem. i still feel sad and there is still a lot of healing to do. i am already in mild depression but i am determined to get well. if you have the same experience could you share some advice here? this is what stands out, if you base your life on what your partner thinks of you, you are setting yourself up for a fall! you really need to learn how to base your self worth on your love for yourself not what others think of you! Link to comment
flower888 Posted November 23, 2010 Author Share Posted November 23, 2010 this is what stands out, if you base your life on what your partner thinks of you, you are setting yourself up for a fall! you really need to learn how to base your self worth on your love for yourself not what others think of you! is ok, you don't know me, i did not base my self worth on him, i was just trying to be fair and make things work. now i figure something is really not right anymore and i left him to keep my sanity. i feel that peole in this board only respond kind to posts with tons of crying and breaking down. this forum is getting shallow, i am leaving. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 There has been thread after thread of personality disorder stuff on here, lately. Take a look at some of them. You're really not being answered any differently than those posters were. The same person you're calling out, offered you the kind of information you're looking for. Part of asking advice is sometimes hearing things you don't want to hear, or things that don't apply. You know the old saying: "Take what you need, chuck the rest." I think writing off an entire forum after you've only been here a week or two because of someone's likely innocent and well-intentioned post is a little extreme. But suit yourself. Link to comment
Yaz Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 i feel that peole in this board only respond kind to posts with tons of crying and breaking down. this forum is getting shallow, i am leaving. You know why? Because we've been trampled on, or feel that way. That's why we're here. We're not here asking for someone to diagnose our ex's possible insanity via heresy. We are asking for support through a tough time. You say you're mildly depressed? Well, what are you feeling? What are YOU trying to achieve? In what way can we offer you support? It seems like you are happy to move on from your ex, so do it. No need to label him - you two just didn't work, and you ended it. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I'm feeling a little bit angry and bitter, and you got up my nose. You need to move on and stop analyzing what happened. You dumped him. Now it's time to move on. Link to comment
iBroken Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 I am not going to diagnose here, but if you suspect you SO has a personality disorder, I suggest you google bpd family, and join the message boards, they are very well equipped to help you through this, incidentally there is a personality disorder book called stop walkin on eggshells, toxic relationships erode your self esteem you need to learn how to maintain boundaries and protect your self esteem, I also suggest you look into co dependency for your own well being, Dont send her to that board.... BPDfamily is a bunch of NON's who sit and throw BPD around like its a baseball. They enable each other when their ex's dont even have BPD. 75% of the posters dont even have a diagnosis of their ex or themselves. Its rather tragic over there. ArtisticGuy70 left this board to go there - if you are down with throwing around the idea that your ex is a borderline simply because you guys didnt work out - then join him and enable the rest of the population who prefer to label someone as BPD then to deal with their own issues. My recommendation is to not try to label him. Work on yourself. Good Luck Link to comment
Diggitydave Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 You know why? Because we've been trampled on, or feel that way. That's why we're here. We're not here asking for someone to diagnose our ex's possible insanity via heresy. We are asking for support through a tough time. You say you're mildly depressed? Well, what are you feeling? What are YOU trying to achieve? In what way can we offer you support? It seems like you are happy to move on from your ex, so do it. No need to label him - you two just didn't work, and you ended it. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I'm feeling a little bit angry and bitter, and you got up my nose. You need to move on and stop analyzing what happened. You dumped him. Now it's time to move on. Dont send her to that board.... BPDfamily is a bunch of NON's who sit and throw BPD around like its a baseball. They enable each other when their ex's dont even have BPD. 75% of the posters dont even have a diagnosis of their ex or themselves. Its rather tragic over there. ArtisticGuy70 left this board to go there - if you are down with throwing around the idea that your ex is a borderline simply because you guys didnt work out - then join him and enable the rest of the population who prefer to label someone as BPD then to deal with their own issues. My recommendation is to not try to label him. Work on yourself. Good Luck Agreed and I might add people should stay off the net when trying to diagnose. Also get a degree first Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 It could be you with a disorder? Just a suggestion... Work on yourself, not him. I actually had a friend, who was dumped, think her ex had a personality disorder. Turns out it was her who had the disorder. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 I actually had a friend, who was dumped, think her ex had a personality disorder. Turns out it was her who had the disorder. Oh, the irony! That must have been a slap in the face. Link to comment
Diggitydave Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 You know why? Because we've been trampled on, or feel that way. That's why we're here. We're not here asking for someone to diagnose our ex's possible insanity via heresy. We are asking for support through a tough time. You say you're mildly depressed? Well, what are you feeling? What are YOU trying to achieve? In what way can we offer you support? It seems like you are happy to move on from your ex, so do it. No need to label him - you two just didn't work, and you ended it. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I'm feeling a little bit angry and bitter, and you got up my nose. You need to move on and stop analyzing what happened. You dumped him. Now it's time to move on. I actually had a friend, who was dumped, think her ex had a personality disorder. Turns out it was her who had the disorder. Wow what an epic fail that is Link to comment
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