How to deal with friends who are petty & stubborn -

[MrAdversity]

Long story short, friends wanted my fiance and I to take a trip this past weekend, end result we couldn't due to school priorities (we are both involved heavily with a change in careers) ... and now we were suppose to be all involved with an event this Sunday (invited by the friends prior to all this) and there has been zero contact since they went on the trip ...

 

Tried doing the texting thing to see if plans changed, offered some things to bring etc. and still no contact, i know we all have been very stressed with work, schooling, family etc. but really, being so stubborn because we couldn't make a trip to go as far as no contacting us to prove a point - I don't get it, even more so the couple is so involved with there extra schooling at night you would think they would understand, wow ... whats the deal and how do i respond to all this - I put out another contact message this morning - will see if i get a response by the end of the day - just asking if everything was ok and that we haven't heard much from them -

[-Sanguine-]

I don't really know what you can do in this situation besides wait it out. I've dealt with some stubborn people before and learned that they will come around on their on time. I'm sorry your friends are being immature about this, but I think it's best you just let them contact you when they're ready. And perhaps rethink the friendship if this happens often..

[MrAdversity]

I don't really know what you can do in this situation besides wait it out. I've dealt with some stubborn people before and learned that they will come around on their on time. I'm sorry your friends are being immature about this, but I think it's best you just let them contact you when they're ready. And perhaps rethink the friendship if this happens often..

 

Thanks for the kind words and advice, i finally got a response and it was a arrogant one about being very busy (something about the husband working crazy hours) and to top it off it was followed by a comment about how we aren't the best at getting back to people right away either - Hmmm now i can take this two ways

 

1. After trying to offer our help and services for this volunteer event (sending a hello are you out there email and a couple texts, this is how we are spoken to - forget it, not worth the hassle, time or stress, just because one has alot of drama in there life doesn't mean it has to spread to others - (ps - this email really pissed me off) why the need to add a sentence in like that, and he expects us to be part of the volunteer work - wow

 

2. Be the bigger person, forget about it, understand the person must be miserable and be thankful i dont have that amount of stress where i lash out to others including friends because that only makes that person look bad etc...

 

But as you can see this is usually how things go, amazing how some choose a certain lifestyle and career and turn into a completely different person (i am just blown away at how there is no remorse there, you would think one under that much load would take a lifeline here and there, not add insult to injury,

[Wonderstruck]

I personally wouldn't bother making any effort to get together with these people again. They don't sound like good friends at all, in my opinion - freezing you guys out just because you genuinely could not make it ONE time and then acting rude and snarky when they finally get back to you? There's no way I would put up with that. It's an indication of their character and that would be more than enough for me to not want to hang out with them again. This isn't just a circumstantial thing - they will do this to you again, the next time that you DARE to do something to piss them off, even if you're well within your rights to do it. You don't need that kind of garbage in your life.

[MrAdversity]

I personally wouldn't bother making any effort to get together with these people again. They don't sound like good friends at all, in my opinion - freezing you guys out just because you genuinely could not make it ONE time and then acting rude and snarky when they finally get back to you? There's no way I would put up with that. It's an indication of their character and that would be more than enough for me to not want to hang out with them again. This isn't just a circumstantial thing - they will do this to you again, the next time that you DARE to do something to piss them off, even if you're well within your rights to do it. You don't need that kind of garbage in your life.

 

Unfortunately for us one of the members of this couple we grew up with and now with the new husband who supports the household really has changed them as awhole in the wrong direction, its sad -

 

You know the more I think about it the more i think you hit the nail on the head here - and as a small update just to explain further i put like two more messages out there to see what the deal was yet again, offering again if they needed anything and got absolutely nothing in return - seems like when the going gets tough these days people seem to turn off from friends which blows my mind i cant even say it enough, shouldn't it be the other way around? Kinda sad, makes me mad too though .

 

i guess thats what makes me nuts is the fact that its like people get so defensive and feel like they have free reign to blow up on certain people and not care about pushing people away at the smallest things that don't even account for a response to begin with ...and i don't think its just us (i think others aren't as verbal about it though have noticed too and are starting to stay away) and i think as time goes one more and more people will fall into that category.. you kinda feel helpless in these situations because you watch the transformation and in this case im shocked, two people changing so drastically right before my eyes (one going from a shy nothing to a douche, the other a know it all who is never wrong) ...

 

and lets face it who would really want to ruin a friendship over stress or whatever the case is at this point - but still its the principle, they need a dose of there own medicine and i have been really good not getting annoyed but what the husband doesn't need is just that me getting mad becuase then he will have a problem lol -

[3boys]

My (former?) "best friend" is like this as well and my advice is to just leave them alone. You described her to a "T" with your 3rd paragraph because she has done ALL of those things and more....and then she complains about being "alone". Honestly, giving them a dose of their own medicine isn't going to work because they don't see a problem with their behavior, to them, they're perfectly justified in acting the way they do....if you treat them they way they've treated you, then YOU'RE going to be the "bad guy" and THEY'RE going to be the "victim". Trust me, that's what I'm dealing with right now....it's a no-win situation.