oneboardus Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 I have been on here a couple times with my problems and the advice has really helped so here goes. My boyfriend and I brokeup 2 months ago, since then we still call eachother everynight and hangout every weekend, we also still have sex together. We don't say I love you or act like a couple at all. Since I was so in love with him it is hard to do all these things with him knowing that he is no longer in love with me. I would like to be intimate with someone that returns my love. I told my ex this morning that I couldn't have sex with him anymore because it is too hard for me. I always hope he will give me flowers, tell me I'm beautiful or even kiss me like he used to, but it never happens. Am I being stupid? I mean we get along great...have great sex...don't fight much, but yet I still feel he is in it because he's comfortable with me. When I told him no more sex he said fine then he asked if we could still hang out. I said yes this morning but I don't know if I meant it. I mean the reason I don't open myself to other guys is because I think he will want me the way he used to one day but I am just fooling myself. He gets a bit jealous if I am out with the girls, but I am not out to meet someone. I really just want to go out to get him out of my mind. I told him the only way I can move on in my life is to stop holding on to him. He seemed fine with what I said which also was hard to take because it just lets me know he really doesn't care. When I told him I felt he didn't care he said I would never know if he did care because he would never tell me Whatever, I guess I just need back up on if I am doing the right thing. I know true love is hard to find, so I hope I am not jumping the gun. But on the other hand if he did love me he would still be around me with out the sex right?? Any advice would be great. sorry for my long post. Link to comment
owlman Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 This seems like a case of "wanting his cake and eating it too." Your ex wants the "perks" of a relationship without any of the seriousness. (Note: I'm not saying that love, flowers, kisses are bad. Just making a comparison.) If you were both ok with this scenario, it'd be ok, but you obviously want more than he is willing to provide. I think the "no sex" was a good idea. Whether or not you hang out together depends on if you are both willing to persue this on just a friendship level. Best of luck! Link to comment
Celeste Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 I'm going to agree with Owl here. I know it's hard to let someone go before you are ready to, and it will take work. As for his "not telling you if he cares".....anyone who loved you would want your happiness, thus he would do what he felt was right to achieve that. His ambiguity allows for you to hope and him to continue the sexual relationship. I see that his friendship is important to you, but right now it is only hurting you. You do not see him as a "friend". You need to get away from him for awhile and clear your head. If you must communicate, leave it to the telephone. Think about the relationship....what you have learned from it. Are there things you feel were lacking (and don't put all the blame on yourself - it's never that simple)? Start thinking about what would make you happy in a partner and find ways to go after that. At the end of the day, have a good cry, and wake up thinking about all the new and wonderful things that will happen in your life. Take care. Celeste Link to comment
dp Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 I know exactly how you feel... I am currently dealing with the same situation with my Ex... After the first break-up, she still wanted to be "best friends" so we still hung out and did everything just without the intimacy. Then one day, she started joking around about sex and later that night we ended up having it. From there we were very intimate with each other in private, but whenever we would be around her friends, she would be very distant towards me... We ended up going out again (I knew it was a bad move) and as I predicted, things got weird again after about a week of bliss...and now im heart-broken... She still wants to be friends, and got really upset when I told her I needed to be away from her (guess she doesn't want to lose a good guy in her life... just wants other guys as well) but like you, I have to really just take some time to get away from this person and learn to be happy without them... that is only when I can truly be happy with them Link to comment
dp Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 ...and I completely support you on the "no sex." Unfortuantly I wasn't strong enough to do that (lol hey, im a guy)... but if he really loved you, he would wait forever...imo Link to comment
oneboardus Posted April 4, 2003 Author Share Posted April 4, 2003 I am glad to have such great advice. I just felt a little guilty suddenly cutting him off, but oh well. I do plan on hanging out with him once in a while because he is my best friend and we tell eachother everything. But, babysteps is the key so I am sure that I will cut all ties soon after this step. Thanks I know I will be back when I reach a point of weakness, because I always leave this advice room stronger and more positive. Link to comment
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