NC better then Friendship?

[ned2010]

i have mixed feelings about this

 

NC is good because it helps heal, but friendship means you can try and slowly repair the damage, but yeah you would have to look beyond the ex dating other people and deal with it

 

part of me wants to be friends with my ex because i care about her so much that id always be there for her, but would proberly get automaticly jealous even though i know i shouldnt

 

appinions on NC and friendship anyone?

[TannedHide]

How long have you guys been broke up? I thought I'd try the whole lets be friends lark because to be honest we were much better friends than lovers, but after two months when the only contact I ever got off her was to tell me how I made her feel unhappy and how I did this and that (in other words totally disregarding all the crap I had to put up with off her and how she made me feel like dirt with all the accusations and neediness) I decided to cut my losses and go NC. Of course she counter attacked by telling me she was seeing someone now and wanted me to know in case I found out from someone else, which would have been impossible. I now realise that while, yes when I was with her I thought the sun shined out of her ass to a certain extent, she was a just using me as a guilt blanket now we we're separated. I haven't contacted her in 3 weeks even tho I left the friendship door firmly open. Guess what? She hasn't even bothered to be friends.

 

Honestly, hit that NC hard. Friendship can come later, if you want it at all. You'll respect yourself much more in the long run.

[Bobbadoo]

NC all the way. Its way easier then being friends. NC gives you the chance to improve yourself and make you more attractive and also have your ex miss you. As the above poster says, friendship can come after.

[SethSLC]

Whoever was the dumper will say they want to remain friends but its just to assuage their own guilt at hurting you, and to use you as a source of emotional support. Don't do it. When they find someone new, they need to be able to get emotional support from that relationship or not at all. If they're getting it from you then you end up prolonging their new relationship.

 

Go NC or have limited contact that is surface only but friendly. Make it clear, if that's what you want, that you want more than a friendship and won't settle.

 

It sucks, but in the end nothing except that person deciding and choosing you will ever cause you to get back together. So trying friendship, NC, LC, NIC, etc as a method of trying to change their mind just is never going to work. Be you, work on you, make yourself a better version of you. They always have a way of hearing or seeing those things and it's totally up to them if they want to choose to be with it.

[LeeRoy6071]

I totally agree with SethSLC on this 100%.

 

If you're not ready to be friends, you have to take care of your emotional feelings first until you can completely detach from the emotional attachment to your ex. Usually NC or a combo of NC/LC helps with this, and an ex missing things is a by-product. Of course, the way you attract back an ex is by being yourself (albeit a new improved version because you should be working on yourself during NC) but at the same time you can't rush yourself back into a friendship if you can't control feeling emotionally vulnerable.