i want her back more than anything

[otterloo]

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3+ years (1 of which we lived together) because I wasn't deserving of her love. I was making mistakes (not cheating!) and had really low confidence because of it. I tried to stop because they were undermining our love but I couldn't so I broke up with her (it was like an addiction) and she took it really really badly.

 

A couple of weeks after I told her what I was experiencing after she had calmed down more because I thought that it was right for her to know. Again she was really upset but eventually she wanted to get back together again. We did after I gave up a lot to be with her but it was very short lived because trust issue arose.

 

I ended up giving her time apart because she said that she was unsure what she wanted and now I wish that I had fought for her. Now it is about 4 months after the initial breakup and about 3-4 weeks after our second try, if you would even call it that, and I feel stronger about her than ever and I have totally changed as I have seen what is really important and am far more self-confident. I told her all of this recently and that I would do anything for a second chance and she turned me down. I persisted and she finally told me that she has begun to see another guy. I couldn't believe that only 3 weeks ago she begged for me back and said she loved me so much and now she is with someone else. Is she afraid of being alone?

 

I believe that I definitely pushed too strong and totally poured out my heart to her too much. I think that she still has feelings for me and that her relationship isn't too serious. I really want and need her back but she wants to be friends (real friends, we have hung out since our breakup) and has said that she only loves me as a friend now.

 

She is everything that I want in a lifemate. Please give me advice. I am thinking of telling her that I need time apart but I cannot live with myself if I do something else to ruin my chances. I have written a letter, but haven't sent it yet. It basically recaps my feeling but not to the point where it is overdone again and that I am reformed and trustworthy. It also goes on to say that I have to accept her choice and I wish her luck and tell her that I will miss her but I need time apart. I'm hoping that this will show my maturity in the situation but it may separate us for good. Also I work with both her and her new boyfriend, although not too often, so it has been even more awkward. Any thoughts?

[Gaz]

Sounds familiar. Quick bit of advice from me would be don`t contact her, don`t do anything stupid and don`t let yourself get down, hard though it is.

 

I tried everything I could to get my ex back only to succeed in pushing her away further, coincudently she also started dating a guy shortly after she split up with me after claiming she would love me forever and never leave me. I wish I`d just let her go in the first place because I did everything I could and it wasn`t good enough. I`ll never understand women.

 

Be cool about the situation and don`t lose your head like me and start posting in these forums after a year of false hopes.

 

I sincerely wish you good luck.

[otterloo]

so should i send the letter and be done with it or just not even do that? It's so hard to just sit back while she is with this other guy that is not her type at all and seems like everything she used to hate in men. I also asked her to meet with me after I explained all of my feelings but she said no but eventually said that she would think about it. I told her that I needed to hear it from her mouth and see it in her eyes that she didn't care for me any more and she told me that if we met that basically it would be her trying to convince me to move on. This may seem simple to people reading this but she is acting very out of character and I would have thought that she would at least hear me out and consider everything as what we had was so special.

 

Just another side note: she said that she would never trust me again, but now I am very deserving of it. I haven't lied in the slightest to her in the last 4 months and totally came clean with everything even though it would hurt. I can prove to her that I am exactly what she wants but she won't listen. Also she always had low self-esteem throughout our relationship and didn't fully trust me even when I deserved it (before my mishaps). I think that now she has higher confidence because she has been going out with friends and is having a good time with them (we sort of hid ourselves away from others and focused too much on spending all of our time together, which would be different if we reunited), so she associates me with her low confidence when that is not exactly the case. She went through a lot when we were together and I think that I helped her cope with the stress and not so much produce it and cause her low confidence. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[Gaz]

There sounds like a lot of misconceptions in your relationship and I think spending too much time together is also a bad thing, I did the same with my ex, we smothered each other in the end and it took the fun out of the relationship. As for the letter I would hate to say either way because if I was that great at love I would be out there making it instead of talking to you guys about it.

 

All I can say is think before you act, dont act on emotion. A letter is good if you think she will be receptive to it IMHO, just don`t overdo it.

[otterloo]

thank you for the advice. i think that i will give her the letter because i will get too emotional if we speak. sorry but i would just like to add one more thing that is on my mind as well.

 

she told me that she didn't want me to know that she was seeing someone. to me this means that either she wanted to spare my feelings or that she is almost embarrased to be with someone else because she still feels for me. i know i didn't word that properly but i don't know how exactly to explain it. maybe i am just being stupid though.

 

overall i am just really confused. we were eachothers first loves which leaves me with no experience in this situation.

[otterloo]

reading up on here i know that life goes on and after i heal i very well may find happiness with someone else. i have read that you must be happy alone be get back into a relationship so i will focus on this and not torture myself any longer.

[otterloo]

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