*sniff sniff* tonight was her birthday... :(

[Speedster]

Before I dive into my sad story like so many others on here, I would first like to say hi to everyone on here! I am a new member and stumbled upon this site by accident, but the more I read the more I realized that talking to people on here may actually help with all of what many of us are struggling with at this very moment. Thanks in advance to everyone for helping everyone in times of need.

 

Now on to my situation...tonight was my ex gf's birthday and what did I do? I went crawlilng back to her house, gave her the birthday present and card I spent countless hours writing, cried my heart out to her, told her how much I love her and miss her still, and now I'm back at home with nothing changed. It will be one year this August since we broke up and what hurts me more than anything is the fact that she can just move on so easily as if nothing ever happened, as if she feels no loss or guilt whatsoever.

 

We were together for 2 years and the reason why she meant so much to me was the fact that our relationship started out just like I imagined a relationship should start out. I wasn't looking for anyone at the time and had no initial feelings for her whatsoever. It just sort of happened over time, which brings truth to the saying that good things come to those who wait. To make a long story short, she broke up with me a few days before our 2 year anniversary and I had to cancel all of the stuff I planned for months for her. I loved her more than anything and while she may have been my first gf, I refused to get into a relationship until I had a feeling that it would be good, which is why I never gone out seriously with anyone until her.

 

Is it really love or just the fact that since she was my first that I don't think I will ever find anyone better and that's the reason why I am reluctant to move on? I have a feeling she is dating someone else right now, which hurts me because she told me that one of the reasons why we broke up was because she needed some time off from being in relationships so that she could concentrate on school. That turned out to be all a lie to me, yet I still love her and would take her back in a heartbeat. She told me that she needed some time off to see if she truly loved me or not and a part of me wants to believe that. If she finds that she misses me and all that we had later down the line, we might get back together but I'm afraid that the more time we spend apart the more she will forget I even exist.

 

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here...I guess I'm just still hung up over the fact that it's been almost a year yet I miss her more and more everyday. I don't hide my feelings for her and express them as much as I can, yet she just brushes it off as if our past was just a dream to be forgotten. Sorry for the long post...It's just that it was her birthday tonight and all of the memories of us always come back to remind me how much I miss her and everything that we did together.

 

My post in pointless so I apologize...any advice you can give would be great. I just feel so empty inside right now. *sigh*

[KillSwitch]

Hey man,

 

I know how you are feeling, It's been 5 months since my ex girlfriend broke up with me. not as long as you, but i still miss her so much and would love her back. We were together for 2 years she was my first love also. I know how you feel about how they can move on on so quickly and act like nothing ever happen, feeling no guilt etc.. Some advice i can give you though is back off from her a bit, dont show her your emotins asking her back etc.. i did that and learnt the had way it gets you no where. If anything it pushes them further away from you. It got to a point my ex hated seeing me coz all i did was beg, cry for her back. It sux man i know im still thinking of her everyday, and love her with my heart. The best thing to do is acept its over and move on. I know its eaiser said then done, but if we keep dwelling on the past and asking her back all the time just to get rejected, you are just gonna be msirable all your life and make you back at squre 1. Ive been having contact with my ex this 5 months we have been broken up, and everytime i see her or hear her voice i get depressed and down again. Im doing No contact now im in my 2nd week, and im feeling alot better..My advice is proably not much help to you, but i know how you are feeling........

 

~Love Hurts~

[lunatic]

Hi Speedster,

 

First off I would like to welcome you to Enotalone.com. You have come to the right place for assistance with you dilema.

 

I can remember my first love and it took a very very long time to get over her. I do have to tell you if you don't start the "No Contact" rule then you will never really get over her. Like the old saying "out of sight out of mind" you need time to heal. Your not giving yourself that time and that is why your still hurting after a year.

 

You also have to remember that she needs time to figure out what she wants from life. Please respect her wishes and leave her alone. I know the feeling that you will never find someone else and that is an insecurity. Trust me you will find someone one day that will be your match.

 

My suggestions are keep busy, get out and have fun with friends, volunteer your time, or join a gym. The idea is to keep busy and settle into your life again. Do some soul searching to figure out what you want in life and how your going to achieve it.

 

Time heals all wounds!

 

Good luck bro,

Hubman

[John1]

hi there,

 

i was with my ex g/f for 4 years and 13 months ago we split as i drunkenly kissed another girl... now she was my 1st g/f too...i struggled to let go..i still am.. i think about her every single day........

 

when we split up.. i did the exact same as you... beg, cry etc etc etc.. you know what i gained from it all..NOTHING..

nothing changed.. she changed her mobile phone number... I pushed her further and further away...

she was my 1st love and i was hers.. i dont know how she can move on either as if the 4 years we had together was more like 4 days cos it doesnt matter what i say or do... it makes no difference..

the last time i spoke to her was nearly 6 weeks ago.. i met her in the street.. we talked a bit... i AGAIN asked for 2nd chance..which was stupid.. she said no.. thats she happy been single... i asked can we at least meet up some weekends for coffee.. she said No...

now this is a girl who wanted to marry me 13 months ago.. granted i hurt her.. and i will live with this regret for a long time..

I still want her back.. but people do say... " Are you willing to get back with a girl who put you through hell the last 12 months " and thats a good point...

Its like she has disappeared off the face of the earth. ive seen her about 10 times in the 13 months apart...

i might see her 1 day.. and not see her again for 2/3 months.... I think she is been harsh but thats just my opinion...

If we got back together it might be on my mind that she could do this again... I know it was my fault that the relationship crumbled... i was 100% at fault.. but if she loved me like she said she did then there should be a 2nd chance..

The only thing is to try No Contact... It may work and it may not.... Im on Day 38 of NC... Im not expecting it to work.. but the next time i do see my ex I wont be doing any chasing..

Its a pity the exes seem to turn cold and heartless....but thats just my opinion...maybe we deserve it

I hope things work out for you

[Speedster]

oh I actually sorta do the no contact thing and go for sometimes as long as 3-4 weeks without talking to her, but I occasionally send an informal e-mail just to say hi once in a while, nothing much. However, certain dreams, certain things, certain days such as her b-day, the day we first met, or the day of our anniversary always come back to remind me how much I miss her. I'm ok until those days come along and then I feel as though I still want to plan things for her and get her stuff as if we were still together. I can't just let them go by without me telling her how i feel. Sounds lame? I think so but I dunno what to do. Now I'm feeling fine and it's the next morning but when times like Christmas and Valentines and stuff like that roll around, then I'm a complete mess...

 

thanks for hearing me out though...much appreciated

[shanejeffery86]

I have read all of the posts for this particular dilema. Truth to be told, I am surprised that a ton of guys have the same women troubles as I do. It is nice not feeling alien. Back to the original post. It's a rough road man. I had a relationship a while back (3 years to be exact) and I still love her with all my heart. She was my first true love. You never get over things like that. When you fall in love with someone, you give piece of your heart to them. And let me tell you this, women do not return it. I just got back into contact with her about 2 weeks ago. I forgot how much I missed having her in my life. It is nice. My advice to you is just to try to tell her that you care for her and will always be there for her. After you tell her that, let it go. It is out of your hands. Let her call or whatever women do. If you keep pestering her, she will never come back. She will be annoyed. Annoyed girls are the WORST. You will never hear the end of it. Trust me. Well, good luck with everything. Hope this helps.

[kipster]

Hang in there, My Ex's B-day was today as well, but you get through it and we were together 7+ years and engaged (for nearly 2 years) at the time of the break-up. Begging and pleading get you no where, that's why I'm glad I didn't do it at the time of the break-up. It never works, in fact it does more harm than good since the whole reason the person initially liked you was probably because they(she) saw strength in you. Its not easy, but until you can fully let go and say in your heart that yes I'd like to be with the EX, but only IF SHE'S THE ONE FOR ME, then you'll continue to hurt. And its a LONG process, it doesn't happen over night. It can take months of ups and downs from crying, to hitting pillows in anger, to bitter disappointment, to emptyness, etc. But its a process that you HAVE to go through to TRULY APPRECIATE LOVE. Just think, for instance, if you neglected a woman this time around, or as one poster said, if you drunkenly kissed another girl, after this experience do you HONESTLY THINK YOU'LL DO THAT AGAIN? And just think, when you do meet MRS. Right, which could be the EX after sometime, but generally something 10 times better, YOU'LL know how to love them in such a way that it will mean SOOOO much more. I didn't understand this intially, but now I certainly do, but it took me almost 4 months of moving out and living on my own to do so. It takes time, but do use the time wisely to understand what you did wrong, what she did wrong, etc., so you don't make the same mistakes again with MRS. Right whomever she may be. You'll hurt now, but in the end you'll be greatful that you had this experience and that you've learned so much about yourself in the process.

 

But back to your question, I sent my EX a very non-descript card, nothing fancy, just basically 'Happy B-day' with no extra text. Signed my name and sent it. Honestly, I debated whether to even do that, but had it not been from a sign from Above, I wouldn't have even done that. No call, though I wanted to in a weird way, but I'm O.K., without it. But what she'll never know, is that I did go to a local church and say a prayer for her on her birthday. That I felt good about and I believe it was the best gift that I could have given her and most importantly was a gift that was from the heart that I had never given her before on her birthday. And when you can do that, being O.K. with whether she returns or not, knowing that if she's not the one, you'll be blessed with something better, you're in a good place. But no calling for me and if she calls me, I won't answer it, that's what voicemail is for. For her to return she'll have to step outside her comfort zone in some way to show me that she's changed in a way similar to how I have and if I get a sign that someone else is THE ONE I'll pursue that actively. The balls in my court now and it took me along time to realize that. It always has been but hurt clouds you're judgment. Just remember, you'll be fine with the person or without them. That I promise you, if you Believe....

 

Kip