getting back together with my ex

[Viper01]

Update...

 

I read a article today and i felt completely depressed, wanted to take a gun and blow-out my braines. I always heared from my ex-girlfriend that i was too clingy, so when acting clingy during and after the relationship, i think that she would rather have a lobotomy then going back to me.

 

This is all very strange, i was never a clingy guy, not when i have started the relation with her, so i think that by backing away that i have to prove her this. Is it still valid or will she still look at me like this after 5 months ?

 

I feel sick, thinking also what happed is that i told some secrects about her 3 months ago to her mother, some very,very secret things.Infact she was raped and never told it to someoene.

 

Can this ever be repeared ?

[caliboy]

I think it can be repaired. I know what you're saying about not being clingy before, but being clingy now cause I did it too. all you can do now is BACK OFF FOM HER. Cause the more you act the way you've been acting the longer she'll continue to look at you that way. Change your way - go back to who you were when you first met her. The non-clingy you.

 

Will she conintue to look at you as clingy for the next 5 months? I doubt it, cause she knows who you really are (who you were when she met you), and once you start acting like that again and put this clinginess in the past, the more she'll respect you and see you for who you really are again. Although I can't promise this, cause I'm in the same boat as you right now, but it seems to me that if she truly cares about you she'll come back to you, but ONLY after you become yourself again.

 

I'm stuck right now wanting to call my ex and elaborate on things I should've told her the last time her and I talked. I told her to grow up/figure things out and then call me (told her I wasn't going to call her), but since then I keep thinking about more I should've told her. Like as to why she should grow up; the things I notice about her that just aren't right, etc. Basically being totally blunt about what's bugging me about her. I can tell she needs/wants someone to tell her this stuff, but I don't know if I should, especially right now. But in my heart I know I should, cause I truly care about her. Do I call her? Even after I said I wasn't going to?

[Viper01]

Cali,

 

I think that the best thing todo is being strong, infact like you told me being yourself and having the ability to be so strong that others cannot (not even in a thousend lightyears) mold you're character or trow you offbalance.

 

I'm stuck right now wanting to call my ex and elaborate on things I should've told her the last time her and I talked

 

Take a piece of paper and write down the things that you want to tell her, then read it, then re-write and read it until you're sure that you got i right This will make you think clearly about the things that you want to tell and will make so, that you're time passes more quickly.

Once you have done this, call her on Monday or when you're sure that you have the correct version.

 

It will work like a charm, be carefull on not being to soft, BE YOURSELF!!

 

For me:

 

I started my relation with her on a lie, i told her that i had more money that i infact had. I aslo made promises and didn't keep them.Basically i was a complete dunce, but i did all of this because i tought that telling her that i got broke from the things that happened from a earlier relation.

Now i've worked like a madman and made a lot cash, bought the house with the little garden, the dog, etc....

 

Still i feel a lot of remorse about this, why o why couldn't i be more myself insted of being that puppydog running after her ?I only hope that she will consider loving me back for the guy that i was.

Like you i had a very nice communication with her parents, i loved them like a son, now thy are mad at me.

Strange things happen....

 

But Cali, thy have a saying from where i live, IN Belgium, the one that never gives up will win in the end.

 

I'll hold-on to that saying.

 

I'll keep you posted......

[Viper01]

Update...

 

Sometimes it seems like i'm fooling myself,Cli you're more lucky then i am, my ex-girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me. And the more i hear other people the more thy say that i'm chasing after something that will never come back.

 

Thy say that if she doesn't want to talk to me, i can consider that everything is finished and that she problably is not going to come back to me.

 

I feel so darn bad, i lived togheter with her for 1.5 year and the hardest part is when i'm alone in my bed, the feeling that i cannot touch her and feel comforted like i used to.

 

Is she feeling like this or does she look at me as i was a poor idiot ?

God, i really mis her and don't know what i should do.....

 

When is she going to talk or at least going to communicate with me, ever.....

[Foreigner]

Take a look at this thread:

link removed

[mk]

I want to ask, so what happen, if we do have to see each other in a meeting once a week? What should I do at the place?

 

I also want to ask if she called? What kind of conversation should I started, I know I don't want to ask the status of it. What kind of thing should I say that feel care about her with giving her pressure.

 

She is at the point where she don't contact me because she feel that if she contact me, then she will give me the wrong impression. Anything I should say to her about this matter?

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What's so incredibly funny and weird about this, is that you're asking ALL the same exact questions I was asking, and you're doing all the things I was doing. As soon as you back off, SHE'LL start to wonder what's up with you. 'Why hasn't he called?' 'What's he been up to?' And she'll call you.

 

The more you pursue her, the further she'll distance herself. As soon as you stop pursuing, she'll lessen the distance and come to you. It's odd, but it's how humans work. Three days ago I told my ex that I was tired of her wishy washy attitude and that I wasn't going to call her anymore. I told her to figure herself out and then call me. This is what you have to do man. Do it now, TRUST ME. I wish I did it 5 months ago. It'll be difficult, but you'll look strong and more self-sufficient by doing so. Then don't contact her and wait for her to contact you. This part's tough - it's what I'm going through right now, but in the end, if she truly cares about you, she'll come back. Read my first quote below.

 

quote]

[mk]

I was to ask is that if I received her phone call, saying things about herself and update when giving her distance.

 

** During the conversation, should I ask her to go out to a special event coming up?

 

Please help.

[HailRapunzel]

Reading your posts makes me feel a lot better about my situation. I'll try to be brief with the junk about me (I'll give details later if anyone wants) and get to the advice. My guy and I were together for a tiny bit over three years and about 2 weeks ago he sent me an email (after he had been drinking) saying he wanted to break up with me and did not want to talk about getting back together. We talked in person that evening and decided to just not see other and not talk to each other for a month or so, until he gets moved into his new place. We emailed on and off for a week after that, but I haven't actually seen him since. We had talked about marraige, even though we're young, and really thought we were going to be together forever. He maintains the only reason he did this was because I was upset because we hadn't been spending as much time together as we usually do. Anyway, I basically got mixed signals for the week that we communicated through email, and now I am practically clawing the walls because I miss him so badly, and because I'm so confused. It's all I can do to NOT call him and beg him to come back.

 

Here's the part you probably really want to hear: I know it sounds impossible to do, and you will probably feel like you're going crazy, too, but CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HER. The only way to see how you both really feel is to just be faced with never seeing that person again. Maybe you won't really miss her at all. Maybe you will. Regardless of what happens, you'll know you came to the decision on your own, without her being an influence. And really, if you get back together (I'm pulling for you both!) the break will probably just solidify the feelings that were present between you the whole time. And though you don't want to hear this, if you end up breaking up for good, chalk it up to experience. Use what you've learned so far, and just know that everything happens for a reason. Good luck, and keep us updated.

[mk]

In your case, what happen if he called you, are you going to listen to his call? What will do then? How can you get him back in your case?

 

 

 

[Viper01]

Hi there,

 

 

I can only speak from my side of the story.

As all i acted like a complete and uther idiot, i begged her to get back with me. And like called more then thousend times.

 

THIS DOESN'T WORK AT ALL!!!

It will only worshen you're case and start to annoy her.

 

The best you can do is search for a good friend that understands you well and ask if he could talk to her. For me this worked great !!!

I also started going to the Gym and trained like a fool, i gained musculature and looked greather then ever, basically my Ex was ashtonished by this make-over and was nicely surprised.

 

One more thing, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!!

I know that i did it several times, but the best comes in the end

[angela77]

I am so happy I found this forum. Things have been difficult for me since my boyfriend of almost 6 years told me he needs space. This was a complete shock to me since things seemed to be going great for me. We have been living together for almost 2 years now and we own a home together. It has been really hard to know how to act around him since he has told me this. At first I was devastated and I didn't know how I would proceed with my life since we have been a great team for so long. But I have had time to accept and begin healing over the past week. I believe that we will still remain friends, but I worry that if we do get through this and continue our relationship that I will always worry that he is not "in" love with me. I hope to rekindle the blazing flame we once had, but because I'm not sure how to act around him because he wants space I am not sure how to do this. I am trying to be his friend now first. It is really not possible for us to separate completely because of the house and our pets, so we still see each other alot. It is hard for me not to be able to hold him or kiss him like we used too. I feel that I have been a wonderful girlfriend and person, and if things do not work out relationship wise I hope he realizes he lost something truly special.

[mk]

How did you friend help you to talk to her? Anything that your friend do to make a good impression of you?

 

 

Hi there,

 

 

I can only speak from my side of the story.

As all i acted like a complete and uther idiot, i begged her to get back with me. And like called more then thousend times.

 

THIS DOESN'T WORK AT ALL!!!

It will only worshen you're case and start to annoy her.

 

The best you can do is search for a good friend that understands you well and ask if he could talk to her. For me this worked great !!!

I also started going to the Gym and trained like a fool, i gained musculature and looked greather then ever, basically my Ex was ashtonished by this make-over and was nicely surprised.

 

One more thing, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!!

I know that i did it several times, but the best comes in the end

[caliboy]

so here's an update. probably the last one i'll ever make.

 

i talked to my ex today and she told me that she has feelings for someone else, has slept with him, etc. it didn't really bother me as much as i thought to hear it, but i suppose that's cause i've been assuming it all along preparing myself. it sucks to think that the last time i saw her she didn't want to sleep with me cause she wanted to take things slow and not give me the wrong idea, yet here she is with someone else. when her and i spoke today, she told me to move on like she has. i went into the fact that i'm angry that she never fully tried to try and work things out. she always gets angry and "has to go" at this point, so there's really never any point in even bringing it up in the first place. in fact, there really isnt even any point in talking to her ever again. her birthday is july 4th, so i'll call her to say happy birthday, but after that it's time for me to fully move on.

 

for all the people in my shoes, when someone wants to break up, I'd say it means it's over and that's that. what i learned is to tell the person how you feel about the person and the relationship maybe in one short letter and that's it. then don't talk to them. and i mean don't call, write, email, instant message or anything. just move on. it's much easier said then done, but if you can do it it'll save you a lot of time from dwelling on her.

 

and another thing... for all you people who think you "know" someone and that they wouldn't do that to you, well it can happen. i thought i knew her so well and that we were meant to be and on our way to spending our lives together (she felt this way too and told me even), but people's feelings can change and can change for good no matter who they are.

 

life sure sucks sometimes. i wish there was some way to be happy right now. even though i'm surrounded by friends and family my life feels so worthless and alone. i cry still (even after 7 months) and I haven't been able to fully move on.

[kainashi]

life sure sucks sometimes. i wish there was some way to be happy right now. even though i'm surrounded by friends and family my life feels so worthless and alone. i cry still (even after 7 months) and I haven't been able to fully move on.

yeah, i feel the same even though it's only been a week and a half so far for me...

[kdreger]

6 weeks for me and I'm happy to say that after a weekend of mourning I'm starting to feel anger! SWEET!

 

Horrible weekend as I discovered she went off to rendevous with some guy and jump his bones for the weekend while I'm stupidly sitting here grieving.

 

Well *beep* her! She ain't all that! I hope she falls on her ass and wakes up to the fact that she lost out when she dumped me.

 

Wait for it, anger feels good

[caliboy]

anger does feel good. i've been there, but then allowed myself to fall back into it. i guess 2 weeks of no contact wasn't long enough to get over her. 2 months of no talking though hopefully will.

 

 

let my heart fill with rage.

[GX9117]

Caliboy, how are you doing now bro? I hope you're doing well. I just read this entire thread. Seeing all this is really helpful to me. I am going through the same exact things you did. You wouldn't believe how identical our stories are...down to the time frame and everything. My ex broke up with me, but we've been talking still for three/four months still. We say we're still very good friends, but I can't help think of her as so something more. Well, right now i'm at the point where I'm trying to leave her alone. So hard, knowing that she was intrested in this other guy. And she keeps telling me about all these guys intrested in her. But she has told me she is not looking for any kind of relationship right now. I hope I can ride this out until she figures something out. I know I shouldn't really hope for anything in the future, but i can't help while there's still a possibility. I hope somebody here ends with a happy ending.

 

 

Viper, what ever happen with you?

[mk]

I got a suggestion, I was wondering if anybody knows if they have tried or not.

 

I guess many time, when we try to getting back our ex. Many time, they already made their decisions.

 

Many of them still want friendship. So, here is an idea. If you really want to get back to her or him. And they still like to talk to you and be your friend.

 

In my case, friendship might not be as strong as before. Could it be possible to rebuild that friendship and bring that love back again?

 

Talk about each other needs, communicate more in our feelings, our goals and our life.

 

Any comments?

[GX9117]

Maybe, but I don't know. I'm trying that, but I don't think it will work. Because you have different goals. Perhaps after a long time you can be friends, but then you probably wouldn't want to get back together again.

 

Things are looking bleek for me. I'm still her friend, but I'm starting to realize how selfish and wrong she is. She doesn't show me much respect anymore. No matter how much I love her, I don't deserve this.

 

Funny thing is, she instant message me last night at 3-4am about all her problems, seems like couldn't sleep. Good thing I was. I haven't talk to her in a week. I've always been there for her everytime she needed something even after we broke up. I can't say the same for her. I'm starting to feel like why should I care anymore or why should I make so much effort.

[kodiakxt]

caliboy and viper, get back on here and tell me whats up.

i feel for you 2 guys greatly, ive been going through the same damn thing since the beginning of the summer and i did exactly what you did cali. theres a difference between us though cali. theres 2 types of people in this world, the ones that quit, and the ones that keep struggling on no matter what. ive reached you on the path, seen where you laid their a bit, and then got up and headed in a different direction. i wont be following after you though my friend, im struggling onwards. love is a wonderful thing, you know that already, but think about this, how long in your life did you give it a chance to fix itself. look at how many years your going to have in your life compared to that. isnt love worth it? i speak to my ex every now and then, im going out partying every weekend, seeing people like shes seeing her new boyfriend, yet im not giving up the hope or the love that we had together. love never EVER really truly dies out i dont believe, it just weakens till you can no longer see or feel it, but its still there. you just have to do the right steps and take time to nerture that flame again. i realized that me and my ex will not get back together soon. it could be 5 or 10 years down the road, but i believe that it will happen. everything is based on time, and this will take alot of time to allow my ex to see ive changed who i am. theres no guareentee that we will get back together. but i believe... just as i believe theres a god up above... i believe....... i believe...... i believe....... and that is all that matters