detox5 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Im wondergin, me and my ex was a bit off, when we last spoke, we split because she needed time and space. We have had our ups and downs, times when shes talked to me, and then ignore me for a while, last time we spoke, I rang her on private number, she picked up, and i put down. Just to check if she was abuot, I rang back like 20 mins after on my number, we spoke briefly, she spoke about her alot, because i guess she was scared just incase i would ask stupid questions and pressure her or something, like ive done in the past. I havent rang her in like 4 weeks, i havent been in my MSN account at all, (where we would normally talk) because im trying this NC. My questions is that, I woudl like to hear frmo ppl about there NC experience and how there ex made contact with them, and how long it took? Im not asking for a timescale on mine, just an insight on others situations. Link to comment
DiglyD Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 how about NEVER! hah its not like a guarantee that they will call and all it takes is time...its not a a thing you do and they call back because you initialted NC. There isn't some recipe you follow to get your ex back. All NC does is let you keep some dignity if you got dumped, and puts some space between you and your partner and the consequences of that can go both ways. You got it all wrong. Its for you to get some space so you can figure out whether you should even bother, and for you to get your head back together, and for her to miss you a bit but there is no gaurantee. Most likely if they broke up with you they will not contact you and if they do they will still not be interested in you the way you are interested in them....either way eventually they will stop and you will continue being in a world of hurt. The only time they will call will be to check up on you whether you got them out of your mind becasue they don't want you to move on. If you dumped them it depends...might be a few weeks, a few months or a few years. There is a greater chance of them coming back or you being contacted by them if you were the one who kicked them to the curb because they will always want what they cannot have...thats human nature. Just move on and get a new partner in your life. Don't sit there waiting for them to call you, or assuming they will, and hopng you can put humpty dumpty back together again. That is just stupid. Link to comment
detox5 Posted July 11, 2004 Author Share Posted July 11, 2004 wat u said is not entirely accurate, i did NC to one get some healing time and get over her, but it was more to help her in a way. i want to help her get her head together by not being in the picture at all. My post was asking people long it took for exs to mke contact, I merely miss y best friend not my gf, if i had the signs that she didnt want nothing to do with me then i wouldnt be posting and i would get on much easier. just wondered for the people whos exs did contact them, she did contact me over like 2 months but that was cause of her exams was over and she didnt want me involved. so it must be a big issue with her if she ignored me untll her exams were over. Link to comment
detox5 Posted July 11, 2004 Author Share Posted July 11, 2004 No contact, its a shame the morigan didnt make it a sticky its one of them posts and articles every reader shoud read, good luck finding it. No contact is when u cut all contact of from your ex to get ur had together, it does u gret favours. but its not working for me, I havet seem or spoke to my ex for lke a month and i still miss her. but heh im an idiot, its only been a month some ppl are AMAZING they can achieve it for at least 4 months or something. I salute these ppl! Link to comment
Double D Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 I don't know. I got dumped a month ago. My ex called me the next day. Then she called like 3 days later. Then we spoke the following week. Now we still talk a couple of times a week. By no means am I over her, and would love nothing more than to have her back. I don't tell her this we just chit chat. Occasionally one of us will slip up and some emotional issue will come up. I usually change the subject. She sounds like she has moved on very well with her life. We broke up when she got a new job, new condo, so she sort of has a new life without me. It's easier for her. I just want to know what she wants. I know she doesn't want a relationship with me right now, and I don't think she is seeing anybody else. She doesn't go out that much, just works a lot. I want to be back in her life right now, but I'm afraid to talk to her about it for fear of her getting mad and not ever wanting to talk to me again. I just feel like I don't mean nearly as much as I used to mean to her. Every now and then she'll try to hint at what I'm doing or hanging out with. In fact we were just talking and she said out of the blue. "I hate Jenny I bet she's glad we broke up". Then she said I've got to go I'll talk to you later. So I'm confused any advice. Link to comment
benevolent Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 My ex's threshold is about a week. In the 8 months we've been apart, we've been in contact via e-mail (mostly me initiating) and would see each other when I would see her kids. As the months went on, I lessened the amount of contact and before you knew it, it was close to 2 months. The end result was increased emails, phone calls (she never called before), multiple voicemail/answering messages and her calling my family and friends to see "what happened to me." What was worse is that she used her kids as an excuse for me to call. Granted I know they miss me, but I think her whole attempt at getting to me was all but contrived - and rather poorly too. Like someone else mentioned here, I think she is making sure that I have not "moved on" - doing so would not have only made me call her bluff (that I can go on without her), but that control she thinks she has over me is gone too. Funny thing is that me and my friends were talking about this last night and they believe that my ex and I still have something there (esp. my ex) - just based on all the contact, concern and ways she gone about it. And whaddaya know...I just received another 'I've been wondering where you've been e-mail..." Ha! Link to comment
FreeAgain Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 How long does it take? Somewhere between soon and never i guess. Here's 2 of my NC stories after getting dumped ex #1) Four years together and she dumps me to have her space and see new people (or somthing). About a month of contact, mostly just sorting out who's stuff is who's with a few how are you doing calls mixed in. After that it was pretty much NC and only saw her if we ended up at the same bar (which was fairly frequent and she always seemed to be with a new guy every time). A few months later she moves away and its been 3 years of NC since. I bumped into her once a few months back when she was in town and she seemed pretty uninterested with even talking to me. Four years of 'i love yous' and now its pretty much never to be heard from again. What the hell is love anyway? ex #2) More recent one. 1.5 years living together, she cheats and then dumps me for the other guy. That was about 4 months ago. We did about a month of contact, every other day or so either getting stuff or just calls to see how each other was doing. finally told her i needed my space and didnt want to talk for a while. She still calls though. At first it was about once a week, then every other week, now its every few weeks. I also have my few breakdowns and give her a call every so often. She still seems to care some and ofc i do too. Just wish my mind would slap some sense into my heart. So i guess you really cant tell, when (if ever) they will contact. Which is why NC should be for healing and not getting back together. holding on can only lead to more heartbreak. And sadly, you never know how much they meant all those 'i love ya's' until its over @Double D ... your situation sounds a bit like my last. You want her back and she doesnt feel the same. Ofc you miss the one you loved and want to keep in cantact to she how they are doing BUT after that phone call or visit, your just reminded even more about how much you miss and want them back leading to more heartache (from my experience at least). Id say stop caling and start NC. When she asks why you dont call, be nice about it, and explain you need some time to heal and the constant contact isnt helping. Then get out and do every thing you can to stop thinking about her. If your sure she doesnt want you back, then you gotta work on not wanting her. Link to comment
michelemybell Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 My ex broke up with me more than a year ago and it took me up until early this year to break contact with EVERYONE that knows him. It took about two months of complete silence for him to start fishing around wondering who I was seeing, etc., but he never initiated anything more. I realized nothing changed with him, and I told him to get lost!!! It was funny that I did this cause I was always hoping he would get in contact with me again!! It was really hard to be the one who said goodbye this time around, but also very empowering. I'm really becoming a believer in the saying that once you really move on, that's when they come back. Unfortunately (or fortunately) when they do come back, you often find you don't want them anymore. Especially when you think back at all the bad things they did and took advantage of you. So, in a lot of cases, the ex will come sniffing around once you establish complete no contact...but oftentimes, nothing has changed! Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 no comment messed up delete this post Link to comment
Crows Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 I think the most NC ive had with my ex has been 13 days. I called her on her bday and since then she has been messaging me once a week, thursdays. Link to comment
selkie Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 I think the most NC ive had with my ex has been 13 days. I called her on her bday and since then she has been messaging me once a week, thursdays. Oh any reason you bumped a 3 year old thread ? Link to comment
Crows Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 Oh any reason you bumped a 3 year old thread ? If the topic is still relevant.. why not? Link to comment
selkie Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 If the topic is still relevant.. why not? Seems kinda curious when it's a topic that comes up all time. LOL Link to comment
thinkstoohard Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Oh any reason you bumped a 3 year old thread ? Does it matter? If someone wants to bump it let them bump it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Does it matter? If someone wants to bump it let them bump it. Plenty of people have bumped up old threads...it helps to read the stories of others even if they haven't happened recently...the point is, they still happened and you can learn from them. That is why we always learn about history...I mean, one can argue, why learn about World War I when that was long ago, why not just learn about the wars that happened in the last few years...because there are lessons to be learned from previous wars....and so, there are lessons to be learned from older threads. Link to comment
selkie Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Plenty of people have bumped up old threads...it helps to read the stories of others even if they haven't happened recently...the point is, they still happened and you can learn from them. That is why we always learn about history...I mean, one can argue, why learn about World War I when that was long ago, why not just learn about the wars that happened in the last few years...because there are lessons to be learned from previous wars....and so, there are lessons to be learned from older threads. Found it amusing cause it was a 1 page thread. lol Link to comment
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