I dont understand

[coolgirl]

Okay, because of my commitment issues that I have at this point of my life I just don’t know what it is I’m exactly looking for which is I think normal ( I mean to me it is) lol Sometimes I go through it in my mind that I don’t want to take any sort of responsibility and I don’t have too and don’t need too because I’ve been in that situation when I was married before and how difficult it was. Was too much I could handel. ( now divorced) In the meantime I have been seeking help not only with this issues but for other stuff as well. Which is why I rather not getting involved with anyone at this point of my life because I’ve been down that road before with going out casually and not let it bother me when it does for some reason. As soon as I go out with someone it scared the S….. out of me big time and back off when anyone gets to close to me and take off the next day. That’s the habit I have and kind of difficult too get rid of. So I came to a decision to stay single for a while I mean for a long time. Lol It does get lonely sometimes I just started working again so I barley have time to think about any of these at all.

 

I know at this point of my life as of this moment I’m not looking into getting into any sort of situation like with dating/relationship and etc…. because I know for a fact I’m not ready and not ready to give anyone that 100% my full attention while I’m still seeking treatment. Back in August I started talking to someone and I’m still surprised I’m still talking to this man. To me in my opinion he’s nice, caring, cares about people’s feelings, and tries to help anyone through any situation whether its good or bad. He was there when I was at my lowest point. Now, this is a man I never met. Been talking for about a month through txt, emails, phone calls. Really patient, doesn’t push into meeting up and I like all this quality. Here were my problem is. I don’t want him to get too comfortable with me. It’s like he’s too comfortable. And this is someone I haven’t even met yet. And I kind of get uncomfortable about it but try for it not to bother me.

 

I shut off my emotions along time ago so its kinda difficult for me to show any sort of emotion. Its like I’m cool and just going with the flow. Honestly, I just don’t know how to show any sort of emotions whether its good or bad. Even though he tells me he cares for me, and likes me and dropping these kinds of hints its starting to freak me out and make me one to take 2 steps back. Here he is being generous to me and saying like hun, sweety, or angel this is all to much and were just suppose to be friends that’s all. Does anyone call their friends that ? Then goes off saying I love you as a friend. What the hell ? I know he’s trying to be friendly but this is too friendly. What’s next “that I have feelings for you “ lol ya kinow. This is all way to much. I mean too much. Confronting him about it is not something I’m willing to do at this point even if it makes me uncomfortable. For the first time in a long time this is one person that I can be myself and normal around. Has anyone been in this type of situation ? Even though he’s going through a rough time he still managed on calling me, honestly what the hell is wrong with me ? Here I am seeing these good qualities and I’m still blinded by it. If so how would you handel it when you do have commitment issue’s ? If not then what’s your best advice ? Help !

[IrishLover]

Coolgirl,

 

Your post is so tiny to read, it mostly blurred and I had to squint really hard to read it (bigger font next time).

 

However, I from what you are describing, this sounds like a fear of intimacy, whether it is as far reaching as commitment I can't say, since being friends with someone online who you don't have a face to face interaction with, does not strike me as committed relationship.

 

It is clear that you are experiencing a good deal of anxiety over the thought of there being anything more. The term for this is called engulfment when you feel suffocated, hemmed in, a need to get free. Over the idea of getting too close.

 

If this doesn't sound like you then, just give yourself a break, since a divorce can take a long time to heal from, also if you have been down, you may be more likely to be highly critical of your where you think you should be, or who you should be.