Unattractive?

[sandra052785]

Alright, so here's the point: I'm nineteen years old, and I've never dated anyone. In fact, I don't think I've ever had someone seriously interested in me in that way, other than one person, which I won't get into.

 

However, lately it seems that guys have been flooding towards me from several websites where I have a picture posted, but it isn't a picture of my whole body. The reason for this, is that I am very self-conscious about my weight, and I worry that if they see the rest of me, that they won't like me. No, I'm not dangerously overweight, and I don't weight over 200 pounds, but I always feel unattractive because of this...

 

Can anyone tell me how much weight really matters, and why it might be that I can't seem to attract anyone other than on the internet? If you want to see a picture of me, then pm me and I'll send it, and maybe you will understand better what I am talking about... It's rather difficult to explain here.

[donefor79]

Hey-

If ur so self conscience about ur weight go do something about it, and u will not only not care about this topic but feel healthy have more energy and in better health than sitting worrying. In terms of weight, it all depends on how u carry urself, im not going to lie i do not like large women but some guys do....cool thing about dating everyone has someone out there for them!!

I havent even seen the pic and im sure u look fine, anyone willing to make this comment on the internet has some sort of confidence, right??

holla

[christina0001]

This is something that I have struggled with for a while. While dating my ex-boyfried/fiance. I gained a lot of weight. It is awful how people treat you when you are overweight. I went from 150 pounds (which was very nice on me due to the fact that I am large chested w/big hips and am 5 feet 6 inches tall) to 208 pounds. People do treat people differently! I have since lost almost all of that weight thanks to Slim-fast! I am down to 163 pounds and still going strong.

 

I think its awful that people look at weight. But it happens and most people do look at appearance. Just think about if you're out and you're looking at guys, what do you look at first, APPEARANCE.

 

I know its awful. Its absolutely terrible but it is true, appearance does count. Although, this is not the case for everyone.

 

This is a icky conversation~

Sorry if I didn't help any.

[lunatic]

Sandra052785,

 

You are in complete control of your life. If there is something you don't like about yourself then do something about it is exactly right. You and only you can control what happens in your life. Go hiking, walking, ride bikes, or join a gym. There are many diets out there that work if you dedicate yourself to them. Remember nothing in life comes easy and so what if you have to work for your goal.

 

Sweety I lost 65 pounds since last September and I can tell you I feel great now. I just made up my mind and stuck with it. Don't give up and keep going eventually you'll see the results your looking for.

 

 

Good luck and PM if you need some dieting advice.

 

Hubman

[donefor79]

First, ill reiderate i love people who talk about their weight and complain instead of being proactive. I think everyone should work out it just a great feeling u receive from like a half hour of effort. Besides that, our whole country is fat now it believe we are approaching a crisis of the majority of ppl being morbidly obedsed within the next 5-10 years. So ur not alone, but be different change ur life litterally!! Anyway, get out and be active that is the first step, enjoy walking, go for one, u like to play tennis get friend adn go to the park, want to ball it up, hit the courts, everyone thinks u have to go to the gym to be in shape but that is not the truth.....have fun and be proactive about it if urself conscience, but if not dont talk about it!!!

[sandra052785]

It seems that people are under the impression that I just sit around and complain about my weight all the time, which is definitely not true. I also do not just sit and allow myself to wallow in my own self pity about my weight either. I happen to eat pretty well, and also do excercise. (I do about 150-200 crunches a night, which isn't alot, but its something.) I've also tried walking, and dieting, but it's very difficult to maintain a schedule for something like excercise and getting proper meals when you work at a job that doesn't offer steady hours, and you are forced to miss meals and such...

 

Anyways, just forget I even asked.

[christina0001]

Some people are just very inconsiderate when posting replies. Just ignore them.

 

People on the forum should remember, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

 

Good Luck

Christina

[Hannibal]

Let me tell you a little somethign about the internet and why I think you may be attracting more guys online then in person. Over the internet people are a lot more open because there is no face to face interaction to make them nervous, shy or what have you. Even though you may not think it I'm 100% positive that guys in your area look at you and think you're attractive, you just don't notice or think its happening.

 

As for the matter of how much weight matters, that is different for everyone and the only way to find out how big of an issue weight is to someone is to ask. Perhaps in a non-direct way if you're scared to ask.

[donefor79]

Im sorry if I came off mean, just saying u shouldnt ask if weight is an issue in attraction...its obvious our society has implemented that in our heads, watch tv, read a mag., and u will see y. I dont even know what u look like but if its an insecurity u can corrent it, not a big deal. I didnt think my response was harsh just if ur asking about than u feel its bothering u. Should it, I dont know that is ur deal, but it really comes alot to do with being confident. I was just saying its a physicall attribute which can be improved easier than a bad menatal attitude......they seem a lot harder to improve upon!!

[Goddess4ever]

I totally know how you feel Sandra! I felt the same way when I was 19, and feel the same way now (Minus the 5 year relationship I just got out of). What I don't understand is that everyone says "it's society, that's the way it is". Which is true, however, more ppl don't want to take that reasoning a step further. It is WRONG that it is like this. It WRONG that society and the media only promotes one kind of beauty, and we all know which one that is. So, we as a part of society will end up spending billions of dollars on dieting, beauty products, hair care, skin care, plastic surgery etc in order to be accepted by the MINORITY. Isn't it ironic that only 4% of ppl in the USA and Canada have the body type that is "beautiful", whereas the MAJORITY of ppl are trying to fit in the minority? And if they do not, then they are ostracized in any number of ways. I still don't understand why we just don't change society...instead of telling so many others what is "wrong" with them.

 

 

Someone mentioned that the USA is getting more and more morbidly obese as the years go. Once again the media is at work. For example, the average size for a runway model in the 80s was a 6 or 8....now it is a 2 or 4. Has no one thought that our IDEA of what is considered obese has changed! The BMI for example is the worst way to judge the appropriate height and weight...yet so many doctors and news personnel use this method. It is VERY inaccurate. For example, this guy I work with is 5'4 and weighs 180 lbs of SOLID muscle. According to the BMI he is Morbidly obese.....obviously he is not. Maybe if we stopped reinforcing the "ideal" beauty, maybe others would stop feeling crappy, bulimia/anorexia wouldn't exist (yes they are culterally born diseases) and it would reduce the amount of ppl that have depression and other mental illnesses.

 

Maybe if the media changed the images to include other forms of beauty, North America wouldn't have this problem. If we just stopped promoting all the Britney's of the world and were a little more inclusive, other people would fair better. Men do not come out of the womb "wanting" the Britney's and the Jessica's...it is engrained and reinforced in society. We are treating a societal problem with individuals. We are telling individuals to change and not society.

 

I say hang in there! If you want to lose weight, go for it...if you do not, that is okay too. Just remember to be who YOU are. You sound bright and articulate...and I encourage you to let everything about you shine! That is what draws them in. And if a guy isn't willing to date you because you aren't super skinny.....really...whose loss is it?

[bruind]

ive heard of this south beach diet, i dont know if this is new or has been around for sometime. those i know who have used it says its effective. maybe you can try it.

 

[donefor79]

If u feel confident about urself at any weight u will be fine. I agree about the impact the media has on our society, but cant blame them for their actions. It "we" the consumers who support there corporations and ads.

Anyway, I know about BMI and the importance of it, but this has nothing to do with that because only around 20 to 30 percent of americans belong to a health club, and less than half attend their facilty. thereforeeee, people like ur friend who has a low body fat % and is more muscular are not as common as u think. Also consider that the baby boom age represent a large majority of the population. They are aproaching their 50's now, this is the geneeration that needs to be examined because when they hit retirement they will be bringing the US into an obesity empedimic.....How many 50 and 60 yr. olds do u know that look like ur friend?? NONE, it is hard to maintain that shape as u age!!!

BMI will just show probably that they are even worse off than by using the avg. def. for obesity.....

[donefor79]

You are reffering to POLLS done by newspapers and mags. on what they believe to be attractive...u have to read up on the medical defintion to understand the true defintion of the term and what it means to be morbidly obeased. Statistics can be reconfigured to prove any view pt. it seems...but medical records and avgs. reflect the scientific analysis over years of what a person should weight....i believe the models ur are referring to would be considereed anerexic by medical standards..

[Goddess4ever]

Okay...I relize not a lot of people are like my friend. First of all the BMI doesn't differntiate between men and women....there is the first problem...as we know on average men carry more muscle mass and women more fat. The BMI doesn't look at body types or compositions. For example....for MY height I should weigh between 122 and 148...depending on my body and muscle structure....that is normal. I have always been muscular...so I would lean more to the higher end. The BMI tells me I should weigh approximately 116 pounds. Hello! I would look like I walked out of a concentration camp if I weighed so little! Furthermore someone who is 5'5 would be considered morbidly obese according to the BMI at 180 pounds. Which I think is really insane. No wonder everone thinks the American are all FAT.

 

And I will further add, that I am not referring to Polls or newspaper ads. I am a psychology major, and have done extensive research in this area. No one likes to admit that they are affected by the media and ads...some don't even relize they are. And no it is not so pointedly put where someone sees a car ad, and runs out to buy the car. However, we have all grown up in this society obsessed with thinness that it seems natural. The idea of beauty = thin is NOT universal accross cultures or time/history.

 

The reason I brought up the models was only to demonstrate how much the idea of thinness has changes over 20 years...the models have dropped 2 dress sizes....Yes they would be considered very unhealthy. And yes, statistics can be manipulated. These ads are made to make you feel like you are not good enough or that there is something wrong with you...and if you run out and get the product it will make you feel better, or fix you. If these ads didn't work....then like I said there wouldn't be billions of dollars spent in the beauty industry/diets/plastic surgery etc.