My soon to be ex wife pregnant, have two older kids, effects?

[matador1972]

Basically, I split with my wife 13 months ago, she got in another relationship around March time, and my daughter found out yesterday (by reading her private email) that she is pregnant.

 

My daughters are 14 and 16 and Im worried the effect it will have on them, having a step brother/step sister at that age.

 

Ive spoken to my wife and she is obviously angry that our daughter was reading her mail, but she confirmed she is pregnant.

 

I just wondered people that may have gone through a similar thing and how it affected their children? My daughters are both quite upset about it at the moment.

[lavenderdove]

Actually it is extremely common for people to have second families while some kids are teenagers because more than 50% of the population divorces and gets with new people who want kids of their own together...

 

So it is not uncommon at all, and your daughters will adjust, and most likely will love the baby once it arrives.

 

Teenagers are quite self involved and don't want anything that upsets their little world in any way, and they are most likely thinking about the practical aspects like there will be less money for them and less attention and expectations they will help with the housework and the baby...

 

And though teenagers are obsessed with the idea of love and sex for themselves and their own peers, the idea of an 'old' parent having sex and kids is just repellent to them....

 

So really, i wouldn't indulge their sense of outrage too much... their mother is entitled to have more kids if she wants and it is her life, and the teenagers are old enough to spend most of their time with their friends rather than their parents, so it is not the end of the world, and actually quite normal for there to be age gaps between kids these days (and earlier times before reliable birth control when people had 4-8 kids, there would be teenagers and younger children in the house at the same time).

 

If you want to be a good parent, then you should encourage them to think well of their new baby sibling, and reassure them that they are not being 'replaced', just have a new family member on the way... And if they can't sleep from the baby crying at night, offer to let them stay overnight at your house more.

[matador1972]

Thanks for the words. Yes I have been encouraging them, my youngest daughter is a handful and Ive been telling her to try and help her mum out and think a bit more about what she is doing (we still get on well despite going through divorce).

 

Ive said to my wife that Im happy to have the kids more so she can rest, they split their time between myself and my wifes house 50/50 as it is.

[lavenderdove]

It sounds like you have a handle on things then and are doing well... the thing to remember is that teenagers are all about *drama* and are on high alert constantly, so any change or 'shocking' news on the horizon (like the idea that her parents still have sex) will send them into outrage and drama and wild pronouncements... so just stay calm about it and act like it is no big deal and eventually they will settle down with it, especially once the baby is old enough to be 'fun' for them...