want nc, but need to research for divorce

[smplunkett]

I am done, want to move on, but must go through divorce. After inheriting millions (now hidden, of course) he is asking for support and half my retirement. I must research, but I go between feeling like the focus is still on him, or getting away from feeling like a victim. I can not afford support for him, and it would really hurt me in the future to lose half my retirement to him. I need some "words of wisdom" please. oh, I have had no contact at all with him since he left three months ago, but a couple of our mutual friends are helping me with research.

[FrenchFries]

You need to get an attorney.

[AutumnBorn]

I am done, want to move on, but must go through divorce. After inheriting millions (now hidden, of course) he is asking for support and half my retirement. I must research, but I go between feeling like the focus is still on him, or getting away from feeling like a victim. I can not afford support for him, and it would really hurt me in the future to lose half my retirement to him. I need some "words of wisdom" please. oh, I have had no contact at all with him since he left three months ago, but a couple of our mutual friends are helping me with research.

 

 

Most states don't allow inheritence to be divided. It's not considered marital property. However, it could prove helpful in preventing you from having to support him. You need a good attorney who can get a forensic accountant to research the trail of money. My boss's ex got one, though he wasn't hiding any money - he gave her more than half of their fortune and wished her well (he's a great ex-husband to her).

 

I wish you luck. Divorce is never easy. It's the death of a dream. What happened in the marriage? How long were you together?

[smplunkett]

I have an attorney, but can not afford an investigator, nor can I afford my attorney doing an investigation.

[smplunkett]

We have been together for 17.5 years, married 12. I became aware of him making and selling porn, including topless pics of his own (over eighteen) daughter, he has had a vacation place in baja for 3 or 4 years, he has been "addicted" to strippers, lap dancers, and prostitutes for years. The night he left, I finally found a website where he was selling porn. A week later, I had detectives come to my house, there had been a shooting, my husband was there, has been a member of a criminal biker gang for 30 years, has a gun permit and where are his guns. Then in August, his new son-in-law (also a member of the same biker gang) was arrested for explosives he stole from the marine base and for an ambush murder of a member of a rival bike gang. I have had detectives here three times, and the sheriff once in three months. I knew he was in a bike "club" but it was explained to me that this was not just a hobby. I am now finding evidence that there will probably be a problem with the IRS. I had a feeling the last year things were not the same - no idea it was all of this. I am only attempting to keep him from getting support from me - I want no money from him - also, I want to be able to keep the house I had before I met him, but since it was paid for from my paycheck, it is community property.