Fastest way to overcome rejection-confusion

[Keraron]

I tried to take my friendship with a girl to a higher level, by telling that I love her, but she said "it would be better if we stay friends". She cried for two days, but after I told her I'm OK with it and will always be her friend and be there for her, she was fine and we spoke like best friends again, spending lots of time together like in the good old days.

 

This happened while I was visiting her in her hometown for about 2 weeks. As soon as I left, she was initially very needy or concerned (asking me why I didn't call her as soon as I arrived home, trying to do me many favors, etc.) and then suddenly became cold, not answering immediately when I wrote to her. Then send me a sweet text. Then not talk to me for a week, even when I needed a favor from her.

 

Her confusion is driving me a bit nuts since I really care for our friendship, our affection and the intimacy we had. I can accept that this cannot become a Love, but I would like to talk and have fun like before.

 

On the one hand, I wonder whether she behaves this way because she thinks I still have expectations. And because of that she tries to interact as little as possible with me, hurt me, or whatever.

On the other hand, I wonder whether she is confused about her own decision, since she herself often made romantic advances in the past but I was too unsure to make a step.

 

I would like to restore good and constant, stable relations, no matter whether it becomes friendship or more.

[Snowy]

I think after the rejection, she felt "bad" about it and became "needy and concerned". But then she realized she shouldn't continue treating you like that, so she went cold...

 

(That was a complete guess, but I think it makes sense. To me, at least.)

[Keraron]

Do you think it would be useful to re-assure her that I am OK with friendship?

You know, just so that we can talk like normal friends again instead of all this coldness...

[RedDress]

I agree with Snowy. She feels really, really bad about saying no (because she likes you a lot as a person) - but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you in that way.

 

No - the re-assurance is not helpful.

 

Time. That's all you guys need. Time. Be consistant. Be normal. Eventually things will return to normal-ish.

[Keraron]

The reason I ask is because I would like to start dating other women. But I don't want to end up hurting her or make her think "AHA! That means that all his talk about staying faithful to me was a lie!"

[RedDress]

The reason I ask is because I would like to start dating other women. But I don't want to end up hurting her or make her think "AHA! That means that all his talk about staying faithful to me was a lie!"

 

No - that's crazy. She rejected you. Date. She'll get over it...

[jaywalk]

Honesty can be brutal, I think your on the right track though. DATE!!! And at the same time, continue your friendship with her and for that matter be prepared for the "I thoughtr you loved me" line to show up so that you can remind her of her rejecting you and how you managed to get over it as she should. Get out of your own way with what ifs and might have beens. But be prepared like I said should the moment provide.