Outgoing and Lonely

[Jabbe]

None of my friends reciprocate. No matter what I do or where I go, I always have to initiate and carry everything be it introducing myself to someone or carrying a conversation. People I work with who I have talked to always seem so withdrawn. I feel like I'm the only outgoing person in the world. Sometimes I would love for my so called friends to call or text me out of the blue to ask me how I'm doing or how my day went but I get nothing and it doesn't feel good at all. I feel like I'm being taken for granted. I get along well, and am great with people, but they don't seem so great with me. There are friends who I tell I love, compliment, and let know that I really appreciate having them in my life. I could turn off my phone or disappear for a year and I don't think they would think twice about me. This sucks.

 

I've been called intimidating. I'm a 24yr old underweight man. What's so intimidating about that? Maybe my outgoing behavior makes me hard to approach? It's to a point where I feel I'll be better off enjoying my own company, so I'm going out to lunch alone tomorrow.

 

I don't need any type of validation. I just wish the people in my life would care about me like I do them or at least express it. I'm just having one of those crawl into a hole days. Making friends seems hopeless in this age.

[abitbroken]

It is not your looks or build that intimidate people.

 

You mention 'you don't need any type of validation' but that is exactly what you are asking for her. You want them to express how much they like you.

 

If you are intimidating, do you not let up when you have an opinion in a conversation? Do you dominate a conversation? Do you speak loudly? There is a difference between being outgoing and overbearing. and being sociable and the center of attention. Maybe try learning how to be a conversationalist vs the center of attention. part of that or most of that is being a good listener. Do you miss cues from people (facial expressions or body language) when they do not want to talk or are busy and don't want to talk? When you contact peple are you insisting for them to do something or just saying hi?

[Jabbe]

I constantly read body language, listen, and never focus too much on myself. The reason why I say I don't seek validation is because I just expect mutual relationships. I give and never receive and wonder why people can't loosen up around me as I do them. Everytime I talk to someone, they look nervous, but when they walk off and talk to someone else they talk like they've known each other for years. It leaves me scratching my head everytime.

 

When I contact people, I'm saying Hi and actually wanting to know how they are. I'm the friend that actually cares. It's just my nature. It's only natural to hope they would appreciate me to. I don't call just anyone friend.

 

In my school years I was VERY shy. I never said 2 words to anyone. I would look around and wonder why everyone else could walk up and talk to someone and I couldn't. I actually thought I had social anxiety disorder. I've been in the shoes of people who lose their wits hopning every sentence of a conversation is the 'right' one. I used to be

terrified when someone approached me.

 

I've also talked to my counselor in college about this. She wasn't much help.

[tom1607307597]

Your post reminded me of how I talked to someone today. This guy was really friendly, asking me general questions like what my major was, what year I was at college, etc. The entire time I was thinking "what is this guy doing", just because it was in the middle of class and didn't seem the time or place to be asking all this stuff. At a party or get together maybe, but in class?That and it felt like question after question, he didn't give me much time inbetween to answer them. I feel bad for not returning the favor and being friendly back, but I'm just not as outgoing as he is. Maybe the same thing is happening to you; you're running into people who are a little reserved. Keep talking to people to find people who enjoy being around an outgoing guy like you and maybe be patient with the other people who aren't so much.

[SilentSight]

None of my friends reciprocate. No matter what I do or where I go, I always have to initiate and carry everything be it introducing myself to someone or carrying a conversation.

Aha! Then perhaps we could be friends? I often find myself feeling in a similar way, working at everything, and I have been looking for like-minded individuals as of late. You're the first person to echo my thoughts.

I feel like I'm the only outgoing person in the world.

Not really an outgoing type, more introverted. That can be overlooked. Skype?

I could turn off my phone or disappear for a year and I don't think they would think twice about me. This sucks.

I left mine on for three years, and the best thing I got was an annoymous call. Fancy that - a stranger who actually went to the extent of finding out my mobile number and actually wanting to call me. At half-past midnight no less. Apparently 'unknown' is one of my more regular callers - at one call per year.

 

I've been called intimidating. I'm a 24yr old underweight man.

Yeah, but you could be a 6ft 8" tall underweight man with an eye-bulge complex. Or one of those angry midgets. Or you could have been armed. Or verbally aggressive. Oh who knows.

 

Making friends seems hopeless in this age.

Well, this post is going to be a shock I'd imagine...

[SilentSight]

I don't call just anyone friend.

But it's not like there are many people around who would have had the possibility of earning that title, is there?

 

In my school years I was VERY shy. I never said 2 words to anyone. I would look around and wonder why everyone else could walk up and talk to someone and I couldn't. I actually thought I had social anxiety disorder. I've been in the shoes of people who lose their wits hopning every sentence of a conversation is the 'right' one. I used to be

terrified when someone approached me.

Similar. But with the addition, when anyone did approach me, it was typically because I was about to get bullied. Fun.

I've also talked to my counselor in college about this. She wasn't much help.

Counselor honestly can't help. It's more like a pair of ears with a politically correct opinion and a hot-dial button to the nearest psychological institute. If you've ever tried to help a person (which, I am sure, you have), you'll know it's very hard to council people anyway. What you're really seeking is an actual two-way discussion/conversation on stuff. What stuff, I don't know. But stuff.